Jamie and Alyssa bring you a spoocringey Halloween episode! We've got listener tales, horrible costumes, and pick up lines that will make your skin crawl. We chat about hair bibles and embarrassing boyfriend stuff. I think you'll enjoy it, m'lady!
Jamie & Alyssa start out the pod thanking all of the awesome peeps listening. We appreciate yall so much!! Special shout out to our listener in India. Thanks for making us Mr. Worldwides!
We read some amazing cringey Halloween stories from our amazing listeners, one of which calls out Jamie and her pool shitting story. Feel free to roast us whenever you write in! From screaming in old ladies faces to bumble bee revenge, we've got ya covered!
Jamie tells us about some cringey costumes she found and Alyssa rates them. Check out our Instagram (@nervouselaughter) to see the trash we we're looking at! Also, let us know if you want to be part of our birth costume next year.
Alyssa brings us cringey Halloween pick up lines. Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel, m'lady *tips fedora*. You're probably going to want to clean your ears after these & wash your eyes with soap.
We chat about Jamie's hair bible, funeral home stuff and ghosts of fedora boyfriends past. Come discover the fedora magic with us & have good times!
Make sure to check out online! You can find us on Instagram @nervouselaughter podcast and on Twitter (which we don't understand) @nervouslaughpod. If you want to harass Jason about the Facbeook, his phone number is ___-___-____
Write us some of your cringe stories at nervouslaughterpodcast@gmail.com
The socials: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter
Unknown Speaker 0:00
So I just saw this meme and it says, therapist: try a relaxing bath me. And then it's a screen grab from this news article. And it says this woman got stuck in her bathtub for 30 minutes after bathing in coconut oil. There's no traction no grip, just me and my fat body slipping around
Unknown Speaker 0:40
I would feel like a hot dog greasy. greasy. That would be man they'd be so embarrassing. I feel like that was be something that I would try on accident unless I heard the feeling that
Unknown Speaker 1:05
one guy from next that we talked about that fades and fucking baby oil. I think I know how I would get out. I think I would kind of like roll over and like roll onto the edge of the tub and then like roll on the ground. Like I wouldn't try to stand up.
Unknown Speaker 1:26
Yeah, yeah, I would. Um, I feel like I tried to like get my arms over and just like, oh, and just kind of like try to pull my body over and just kind of over the side you know, kind of
Unknown Speaker 1:43
Oh, welcome to nervous laughter We're your hosts, Jamie and Alyssa.
Unknown Speaker 1:51
And this is going to be our spooky episode. Halloween is just around the corner. But first and foremost, we would like to just give a big thank you to everyone that's listened so far. applause
Unknown Speaker 2:11
We are in case you didn't know that sound was applause
Unknown Speaker 2:15
clapping not fapping
Unknown Speaker 2:24
Jamie stop fapping we're recording
Unknown Speaker 2:29
Oh, sorry. But thank you guys. Um, we keep looking at like, um, you know, the stats and like the numbers and we're just keep texting each other like, Oh my God, I want to do this many people
Unknown Speaker 2:43
and yeah, it's been fucking crazy. Yeah, I didn't expect this at all. We thought we would have like, maybe a couple people. Listen, but yeah, y'all been awesome.
Unknown Speaker 2:52
Yeah. And a shout out to also the one person in India that's listening. If you're still listening, you may exco really got on their computer.
Unknown Speaker 3:11
Or like Pitbull or like Mr. Worldwide or international.
Unknown Speaker 3:16
Thanks to you. Mr. Wool ride. Man. My mom loves Pitbull. She loves Pitbull and corn and corn not like
Unknown Speaker 3:29
cans of corn.
Unknown Speaker 3:31
So yeah, that's that's my relation to Pitbull. But also I think with a big with our big thank you is a an additional thank you is due for all of the submission for our stories. You guys didn't leave us hanging. So thank you for that because I was really worried they're
Unknown Speaker 4:00
like, we'll just go on Reddit and like find some stories and people. But it's the last minute we got like a bunch of ones. Yeah, that was awesome.
Unknown Speaker 4:09
Thank you guys. Yeah, I was about to be like really? Embarrassed. You know? Okay, sorry. I had to reach over and grab someone's story.
Unknown Speaker 4:23
So I guess I can start us out with Nate's story. Nate was the first one to write in. So
Unknown Speaker 4:29
me the man.
Unknown Speaker 4:33
Okay, when I was 10 I went trick or treating with my friends. We walked up to in house to God already fucking okay. We walked up to a house and older woman politely asked how many of us there were. For some reason I stepped to the front. She was bending down to get the candy. I screamed at five
Unknown Speaker 5:00
Why lesson number your brain?
Unknown Speaker 5:07
Yeah, not like, Oh no, I was just gonna name on other numbers, but
Unknown Speaker 5:17
like, I feel like your brain would maybe round up to like fiver Yeah, but then your life and like 14
Unknown Speaker 5:22
are reasonable groups.
Unknown Speaker 5:27
I don't know why but I wish it was something like more specific like 87.3 divided by stuff but I feel like I still do that stuff. Um, as a 29 year
Unknown Speaker 5:42
old. Same. Yeah, this is a relatable story. But hopefully, um, he said my friends randomly screamed, screamed at five at me for a couple years I have no idea why I did this. Definitely not proud of it. It was really random and mean. But hey, at least I didn't shit in a pool
Unknown Speaker 6:11
is gonna be my thing forever now. You're the bullshit. But me I can't wait for you to turn 85 And I'm gonna be the best vegan birthday ever.
Unknown Speaker 6:21
It will be we have a story from Ashley And side note Ashley is actually the one that came up with a name for our podcast. Oh yay gonna awkwardly clap this episode so
Unknown Speaker 6:41
so just know that's what you're hearing.
Unknown Speaker 6:47
Jamie's gonna try to sneak in some faps Okay, and let's see. This is back in 2009 It was my freshman year in college. I was the naive sorority pledge that didn't last long. It had just started a two week break up with my future husband. Oh and had one thing on my mind
Unknown Speaker 7:11
was Legally Blonde she
Unknown Speaker 7:17
and then she learned to bend and snap So Ashley, aka What was her name of the movie? Oh, yeah, so actually aka L one thing on her mind, revenge it's an all caps. Exclamation.
Unknown Speaker 7:41
So serious.
Unknown Speaker 7:45
So we had these parties called swaps, which were essentially a way for the older sorority girls to put the baby freshmen in the cringy of situations and watch them die from embarrassment. Shit. I feel like I could have been a slumlord.
Unknown Speaker 8:05
We would pair up with a fraternity and they would make us walk backwards into one of the freshmen boys and when our asses touched or when your asses touched you would turn around and it would essentially be a Married at First Sight scenario so awful. Sorry. What do you find it about?
Unknown Speaker 8:29
Like you So have they met these people before? Oh, sorry. I am Why am I assuming you know stuff about sorority but I just like is that like the first time they meet is like when their butts Tosh.
Unknown Speaker 8:40
Well, I guess maybe. Yeah, maybe they don't know the other group. Or maybe they could know.
Unknown Speaker 8:49
I don't know. Okay. It's just I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 8:51
Maybe they don't because they're all freshmen. So maybe it's all okay,
Unknown Speaker 8:54
like the older kids forcing the younger kids.
Unknown Speaker 8:58
Yeah. And I guess it's Halloween so they haven't been obviously it's Halloween or would be reading it? I guess they've only been in school a couple months. So we're gonna go out on a limb and say they don't know each other. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 9:10
I'm sorry I just left but touch thing. Maybe she just went backs but I just imagine just people like Oh, nice to meet you. First but touch let's continue.
Unknown Speaker 9:29
We had a Halloween swap. Which I guess that's a cool word for party. I know that's a bit touching thing. I just done some sorority research before this. So we had Halloween swap and I was at the fraternity house next door. That of my arch nemesis, ex boyfriend. I borrowed the sexiest costume I could get my hands On a bumblebee Bumblebee, Bumblebee does
Unknown Speaker 10:12
have a bumblebee costume. That's how you have to walk into the party.
Unknown Speaker 10:15
It is several Solo cups of punch. Later, I stumbled out of the swap and over to the ex boyfriends frat house. Well, he wasn't even there and it just ended up being some of my own friends from his fraternity. So the shock factor didn't quite hit the mark. I said outside with him barf to it, and then they forced one of the pledges to drive me home. This guy was from South Florida. His car had under lights. And I'm pretty sure he kissed it. Good night. Oh, oh. Yeah, I could just picture like while they're in Alabama, so
Unknown Speaker 10:57
the car is a Sr.
Unknown Speaker 11:05
CIT but our crimson
Unknown Speaker 11:09
Yeah, these tires don't pop.
Unknown Speaker 11:16
I liked the car sister better than me talking about the color. Cousin and he was not happy about driving me home and made me hanging my head out the window so I didn't barf in his car. Dress like a bumblebee. So with my antenna flapping in the wind, I was driving. I was driven home and woken up the next morning with a hangover and extremely dissatisfied with my revenge plan. My arch nemesis ex boyfriend and I are now happily married. And the Bumblebee is retired. Ah, happy ending.
Unknown Speaker 11:57
Well, I'm glad it ended. Well, and I'm sorry, your event? Well, you know what? Maybe it's best that your revenge plot didn't work out because maybe you wouldn't be married. That's
Unknown Speaker 12:07
true nose. Maybe you would be one of the angry wasps that Jamie
Unknown Speaker 12:18
Oh, God fuck those things.
Unknown Speaker 12:20
Dude.
Unknown Speaker 12:21
I'm sorry, I don't know where to go.
Unknown Speaker 12:26
Roll Tide. Roll with your sister cousin car.
Unknown Speaker 12:32
Keep rolling, rolling.
Unknown Speaker 12:39
I know that I'd be loving my sister remember the backup dancers in that video? It was like it's the limp this girl's
Unknown Speaker 12:55
like, oh my god, what like, do she is Thank you, Ashley. That was beautifully written. It was. It was a great. It was a great story.
Unknown Speaker 13:11
Thank you. Well, I mean, Ashley.
Unknown Speaker 13:15
Um, let me go ahead with so I'm gonna blind read the story.
Unknown Speaker 13:23
Yeah, this was from well, thanks for writing in.
Unknown Speaker 13:26
Thanks. We'll. So this is a just titled will story.
Unknown Speaker 13:33
I did some creative editing and I named it that. Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 13:40
Okay. My father was super religious growing up and my parents split when I was four. I think when I was in the six through 10 age range, my dad thought Halloween was demonic. But also he didn't want to be that piece of shit that didn't take his kid trick or treating. So his compromise as a religious zealot was to make me a Bible for Halloween. What how was that
Unknown Speaker 14:05
he's face
Unknown Speaker 14:07
I just don't know what the logic is. It's so that like yeah, oh, actually make him a buy into a Bible. Oh, I thought you like it
Unknown Speaker 14:19
right. Bible stories are made up anyway. It wouldn't matter
Unknown Speaker 14:26
and Nice use of the use of the big words my dear. As in he got a cardboard box and painted it to look like a kid's Bible that was mine at his house and then I had to wear this box to go trigger trading. Okay, so if I kept breeding fashioned after an existing opened me up. The first year I was a little bit too small For the size of the box that he got, and so several times during the evening, I was excited trying to get down sidewalk to the next house trying to ignore my shame of dressing up like
Unknown Speaker 15:14
What do you mean his costume out there? Yeah, some kids like the Bible. Yeah, man, everyone's gonna rally around
Unknown Speaker 15:21
you. You can.
Unknown Speaker 15:25
Oh, and I would fall over because I was literally as everyone knows, painting a box to look like a Bible is one of the most agile costumes in the world, preach it. Preach. So like a turtle that got flipped over by a dog, I was stuck and had to wait until my father can help. Sammy. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Well, thank you. Well, that was a great.
Unknown Speaker 15:54
It was a great TED Talk. And maybe this year, you should dust off that Bible costume, bring it
Unknown Speaker 16:04
back out. I mean, I know that you're bigger now. But you know, maybe you can not fall as much this time.
Unknown Speaker 16:12
I like the idea that he was like, Okay, I'm gonna make this costume. It's big on you now, but you're gonna wear this every fucking year. Eventually, it'll fit you and you'll grow into it. Oh, man.
Unknown Speaker 16:30
Let us know if you still have it
Unknown Speaker 16:31
and send us pictures. Maybe you can draw one of what you like. And send it to us. This
Unknown Speaker 16:38
was the artist.
Unknown Speaker 16:41
Yeah, good. Okay to book an appointment at the police station. And have them draw that, please.
Unknown Speaker 16:51
We're make like Unsolved Mysteries of recreation. That would be awesome. Okay, so another story submitted by us three bots. So my first Halloween in the US back in Virginia. So he's from India. I was still a student and don't exactly know a whole lot about Halloween. A kid five to seven years old, maybe knocked on our apartment door holding a fancy bag for candies. Just sorry, reminds me of a Impractical Jokers. There's like a scene where he just has a pocket full of candies. And he pulls them out and he's offering it to kids. And he's like, candies. But anyway, so we me and my roommates invited him inside asked him where he bought his his costume in a stupid room and in a stupid roommate took pics with him.
Unknown Speaker 17:51
Please send those pictures and as well.
Unknown Speaker 17:56
Then we realized we didn't have any candy at home. So didn't know what to do. My roommate was a smoker. So he put chewing gum in the bag. Then he says, Sorry, this was embarrassing for us and the kid. No. Kids knocked on the door that whole week. We weren't surprised. Now I know if I don't have any candies. Just don't invite the kid inside and make him wait for
Unknown Speaker 18:28
something that would happen to us like oh my god, that kid thinks for losers. I'm so embarrassed.
Unknown Speaker 18:33
That six year old kid. What am I gonna do?
Unknown Speaker 18:36
I'm gonna lay Awake, awake at night and think about
Unknown Speaker 18:40
so it's like and then he continues on like, I was like, You shouldn't be inviting any kids in your house. And he said I'm the kid's dad was with them. Um,
Unknown Speaker 18:56
oh wait, God's there's
Unknown Speaker 18:57
no way. No, he wasn't. Whoa, okay. Actually, the kids dad knew us as he helped us move. He was a kid. I felt embarrassed as we delayed giving him candy and he had other houses to knock on that evening. So I misread that before as like his dad was with them, but I got
Unknown Speaker 19:18
to wait the kids dad is a kid
Unknown Speaker 19:24
fucking weird.
Unknown Speaker 19:27
I wouldn't need a family tree.
Unknown Speaker 19:31
So um, yeah, don't um, don't invite kids into your house on Halloween. Just don't I mean, if you know them, I guess it's kind of okay, depending on their, you know, your comfort.
Unknown Speaker 19:47
I don't know their hands are gonna be all sticky from the candy. They're gonna touch your stuff. Touch your pets, and then they're gonna have a sticky hand with fire on it. And won't be fun for anybody
Unknown Speaker 19:59
and then your pets gonna be like Like, why did you let this thing in here? Why is it touching me? Everyone's just gonna have a bad time. Yeah, it won't be then the police show up at your house.
Unknown Speaker 20:11
Well, whenever I was younger, I guess my mom thought that we were going to get like fuckin poisoned by Halloween candy. Oh, so we were only allowed to go to people's houses that we knew. Oh, yeah. So he would like go to, you know, an aunt's house and get candy. So typically, we were done early, like her getting to, like, go all around or whatever. Yeah. So I would pass out Halloween candy. And sometimes, you know, there would be like, cute teenage boys. Yeah, yeah. And the story, it was probably like, I don't know, I would say eight or nine. And I was dressed as a witch. And I've always been on the heavier sides. A little plus sized which child just to give you a picture. Adorable. was awkward. I'm in to find some pictures, but I didn't. But what we'll do, we'll get a picture of wills hand drawn Bible thing. And my witch costume. I'll post on Instagram.
Unknown Speaker 21:24
And if I come across ones where I was dressed up as an m&m, oh, yeah, that'll be good. Juicy bonus.
Unknown Speaker 21:34
That'll be good. Okay, so I'm very awkward child turned into an adult today. But I didn't. I don't know. It was more obvious back then. So these boys knocked on the door. And they were like, I like your costume. And I was like, Oh, thank you know, so I gave him the candy.
Unknown Speaker 21:58
Did you give him extra candy?
Unknown Speaker 22:00
I don't remember probably. And I'm sure they looked like you know, the haircut that boys had like in the 90s like Jonathan Taylor Thomas, where it was like, parted down the middle and like slicked down and it was kind of like a Chili Bowl. I'm
Unknown Speaker 22:15
sure yeah, like Hunter from Boy Meets World.
Unknown Speaker 22:20
Oh, yeah. That's the kind of boys that I was like, This sounds dreamy. So I'm excited because these cute boys like my costume and I'm the most awkward thing ever. And I come inside and I tell my mom. She fucking looked me in the face and goes they're just trying to get more candy and this is why I don't think anyone likes me. This is why it has my husband. He still likes
Unknown Speaker 22:58
me if I wore this
Unknown Speaker 23:03
Are you like a kid? So that's cringy on her.
Unknown Speaker 23:10
Thanks, Mom. Shout out to the boys only like you for your candy. George looking at you.
Unknown Speaker 23:25
Fucking candy scammer
Unknown Speaker 23:33
did he give you a ring pop on you thought we can tie like old episodes into?
Unknown Speaker 23:50
Yes. Oh man. Yeah, I gotta find a picture of me in that witch costume. Because like, whenever I was a kid, I was always too big. I always looked like awkward like, you know how they would have like Princess outfits that would come with like little shoes and stuff. Like kind of put on shoes. Like barely went on my
Unknown Speaker 24:20
like Cinderella.
Unknown Speaker 24:24
Yeah, that was my childhood. In a nutshell. I was the Cinderella's stepsisters. Did you um
Unknown Speaker 24:31
Did you were you able to get the shoes to work or? No, I think it was like
Unknown Speaker 24:38
one of my little friends houses or something? Because apparently my mom knew that I wouldn't fit in them cuz she Oh, I love talking shit. So yes, I never got bought.
Unknown Speaker 24:50
God damn Ah, no, no. I had um, I think like mostly hand me down kind of stuff. So stuff was always just big on me. Oh yeah. Um, so I have a personal story that happened a couple years ago, maybe three years ago, I don't know, somewhere around that time. Um, so we had gotten these, like Six Flags like season passes, because they had like a really like, crazy deal on them and stuff. So like, we bought it and we're good. It was scary. Um, and we stopped to pick up our passes. And they had every you know, the whole park like a decked out for Halloween stuff. And so I was just going up to the, like, admission gate or whatever, because I just needed to just trade my paper pass for plastic one golden ticket. Yeah. And, um, so, you know, people are in lines and stuff. And then like, there's one booth that says, like, Season Pass or whatever, like, no one in line. So I'm like, okay, cool. So that one's just like, a dedicated window for to do this at so I walk up to it. And since I'm really awkward and nervous, I'm looking down when I approach and I don't hear anybody talking. So I just assumed that they're busy on the computer, so I'm just waiting to be addressed.
Unknown Speaker 26:18
Which is something is still there in my adult life. Walk up,
Unknown Speaker 26:23
stand and look down just kind of like I'm not gonna bother you until you're ready for me. And then some and then a staff attendant came behind me and was like, ma'am, and like, I looked up and she kind of like pointed and was like, Do you need help? And it was a fucking like, fake window thing ticket taker guy.
Unknown Speaker 26:55
That's awesome.
Unknown Speaker 26:57
Oh, and then like, I look over and there's like group of like, teen girls laughing at me
Unknown Speaker 27:08
I can just picture a skeleton they put like sunglasses on. Like the ticket taking?
Unknown Speaker 27:23
Oh, God, just like, I put like I thought like, it was whenever I saw like, the sign thing. I was like, far enough away to not really see the wind, like inside the window and stuff. And yeah, so just pay attention to your surroundings excessively around Halloween. Oh, yeah, that was uh, that was my story. And I forgot about it until like, three days ago. resurfaced.
Unknown Speaker 27:53
Awesome. Well, I was looking for
Unknown Speaker 27:59
cringy things. Oh, do you want to do your costumes first? Yeah, sure.
Unknown Speaker 28:05
Yes, go ahead. So I was trying to find some cringy costumes. So I'm going to just try my best to describe it. And then I will show Alyssa a picture. But we will also put post these on our Instagram. I'm nervous laughter podcast. Go follow us. We're also on the Twitter's nervous laugh pod. Because words words long.
Unknown Speaker 28:35
And Facebook. Anyway,
Unknown Speaker 28:37
we just got to Facebook and Jason I'm going to take this opportunity to call you out. Because we didn't have Facebook. Jason our friend wanted us to get a Facebook and Jamie said we would if he made us a fan page and we're still waiting on that fan page. So yep,
Unknown Speaker 28:57
just a reminder. Just yeah, so if you don't you know if you guys are clamoring for a Facebook fan page
Unknown Speaker 29:03
Yeah, so I'll go ahead and at the end of the episode, I'll give out Jason's phone number and address
Unknown Speaker 29:10
I think I have a social too. Okay, so the first costume but I found um, it is a I guess you could say a Latin themed and it's a guy like over Sorry, I was like a reflex so guy has like, Okay, so we're gonna start with a naked man just start from the start from there.
Unknown Speaker 29:48
You fresh out of a baby oil bath. Coconut
Unknown Speaker 29:54
will actually incorporate that in so row self and oil and then um Just put on the little vest you know like a little vest like he has an M has little cufflinks, little gold cufflinks and then the the hat like a fez, okay, and then instead of pants he has a like genie lamp out is sticking like straight out and that says rubbed me and it looks like there was an attempt to have smoke coming out of the end of it but it just looks like a bunch of cubes so yeah, you can also put baby oil all over that lamp to get a little extra shine and stuff. I'm going to unveil it to Alyssa.
Unknown Speaker 30:49
Oh my god, I hate this mother fuck Jamie tripped on a mic.
Unknown Speaker 31:02
Mic check. Okay, can you say something loud real quick, so I can make sure it's recording. I'll cut it out loud. Okay, yeah, perfect. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 31:09
Yeah, so first of all, it's not even proper Aladdin colors because if I remember correctly, purple. Yes. Purple vest, and I think red hat. Yeah, well, yeah, but this is just all green. Yes, fuckers wearing green. And his lamp thing looks stupid. He looks like he's like a little teapot.
Unknown Speaker 31:32
I hope that's he's not short and stout.
Unknown Speaker 31:37
I better his wiener is a costume like that.
Unknown Speaker 31:42
Um, and so, uh, okay, so another costume is continuing with the sexual innuendos. It's a guy dressed as a deer. So this is a couples costume. A guy dressed as a deer and a woman next to him with a dress. That's black with yellow stripes down it like she's a road. And she has a deer crossing sign on the top of her head. And she has to like 10 pie plates on her boobs. And the guy is staring at her chest so it's good to be like a deer caught in headlights.
Unknown Speaker 32:23
I bet it's so well executed.
Unknown Speaker 32:28
So here's the unveiling
Unknown Speaker 32:34
Okay, so you know I mentioned that George has a stance that he has. It's like hard for me to pretty much
Unknown Speaker 32:43
you guys could do this. It'll be perfect. The pants stance.
Unknown Speaker 32:48
Yeah, this guy is like it's a deer's head but instead of like his, the costumers face being incorporated. It's not. It's not like he's looking through the deers eyes. It's like the deers head and then his. The costume guy. His face is just like popping out the bottom. Yeah, like that. And he's wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. Like he could have at least worn like a deer costume. Yeah, orange jumpsuit.
Unknown Speaker 33:15
They could have gotten a third person and done like a full deer. Like those two people costume.
Unknown Speaker 33:21
Oh, like one would be the front one would be the back. Um, yeah, that's gonna be a d minus.
Unknown Speaker 33:30
Oh, man, we got to do like a Halloween costume. tearless
Unknown Speaker 33:35
Oh, we should.
Unknown Speaker 33:36
Um, oh, and then this one. So I found this one. It's just like. Okay, so it's supposed to be like an Arkham Asylum inmate so it's just like an orange. Orange shirt with black pants. That says inmate but where the real magic comes in here is the face tattoos. Oh, so he has like, um, Diablo tat like tattoo right across like the bottom of his chin. Like, what they call that? Like a one's like a Yeah, chin strap. So from like the left ear. Follow down your chin around to your right here.
Unknown Speaker 34:17
Um, then he has like, I guess an attempt of a skull. So he has like,
Unknown Speaker 34:24
Tim just it's like just the top
Unknown Speaker 34:27
teeth of a skull above.
Unknown Speaker 34:31
And then, um, kind of like one knows how like a skull nose is supposed to look on his nose. So it looks super tough. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And to complete the toughness. He has a scythe on right on the center of his forehead.
Unknown Speaker 34:46
What is the site?
Unknown Speaker 34:47
It's like the Grim Reaper. Oh, tool,
Unknown Speaker 34:51
okay thing.
Unknown Speaker 34:52
Um, and then also like some tally marks and a, you know, prison tear, tear but here is the hero
Unknown Speaker 35:04
So much worse than I thought it was gonna be. You're telling me the Diablo thing. I was like, Wait, it's not very many letters. How's it gonna be? Yeah, that's a they've obviously never met a person.
Unknown Speaker 35:23
It's like a person that's never seen. Like
Unknown Speaker 35:28
it's like what Republican dad would think that people would look like.
Unknown Speaker 35:34
It's what they think after their kid gets like a butterfly tramp stamp and he thinks like, this is what they're gonna do with their life.
Unknown Speaker 35:43
Have you ever seen videos like that online where it's like people showing their parents their tattoos and they just like lose their shit? Like, they're so fucking awkward to find one. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 35:55
we're gonna have to do a whole other like tattoo segment thing because I Yeah, there's definitely a lot that I can think of with that.
Unknown Speaker 36:04
If you're on Facebook, there's a good Facebook group called that's it, um, Inc. Shaming. Oh, I sent you that Donald Trump on the other day that was from there. It's like, it's like Donald Trump. And he's dressed up as Superman. And it's like the shittiest drawing of him ever and he has ABS that are out of control. Like these ABS makeups Great.
Unknown Speaker 36:32
I'm okay. And then I have two more costumes. And these ones are all actually before I show you these let me just quickly show you this one. So this one is more of like this, these costumes didn't turn out how you think they would. So it's like The Simpsons family, but like,
Unknown Speaker 36:51
oh God,
Unknown Speaker 36:52
so Bart and Homer have like full face masks. But for some reason Lisa and Marge don't they have like a piece they have like, you know, a wig thing or whatever to put on. But they also have these glasses that are supposed to like make them look like Simpsons so yeah, here that
Unknown Speaker 37:22
is akin weird. Like the the BART and Homer they actually look fairly good for what they are. But I feel like Marge and Lisa are the ones that would most need a mask. Yeah, instead, Lisa has like a shitty headbands as like the little spike, like a son.
Unknown Speaker 37:49
I'm gonna say I'll be nice and say b minus. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 37:55
I wouldn't have probably got a B minus.
Unknown Speaker 37:57
Mark. Just fucking creepy though.
Unknown Speaker 37:59
Um, okay, and then I just have two more. And these ones are kind of just more on like the kind of group side I guess. So this one, so this guy kind of looks like Andy Sandberg in the picture, but anyway, it's just a guy dressed up as a baby. So he has like a, um, a shirt on that has like a it's like a shirt to be a naked man. But so he's like, so I guess he's not.
Unknown Speaker 38:36
He didn't want to commit to not wearing a shirt. Yeah, so he was like, I'm gonna wear a shirt to look like on our shirt.
Unknown Speaker 38:43
And they attached like a umbilical cord. And he's also has a diaper kind of on so he has like an umbilical cord attached and he has like a binky hanging around his neck. And his girlfriend is like a bag of placenta
Unknown Speaker 39:04
I thought it was gonna be a weird boob thing or some oh my god, it's so much creepier than I thought it was.
Unknown Speaker 39:14
Like, only thing missing from making this like super gross is if they just would have made like the texture kind of shiny and stuff. Girls costume so yeah, baby bag, a placenta. Um, and then this was a this next one's actually like a team costume. Um, so it's called giving birth. And there's a woman laying on a table like with her knees up. And I guess they made like a fake vagina for someone to like stick their head first. And they also put hair on top of it. And then there's three other people. Two are dresses, nurses and then ones dress as like a doctor and like PPE, PPE, PPE peer pool with a flashlight. Here yeah
Unknown Speaker 40:20
guy with his head is like, he looks very excited to be born. Honestly, I didn't even look at the rest of them. Just like holy shit.
Unknown Speaker 40:34
He really pops out there
Unknown Speaker 40:40
but yeah, he looks very, like he's looks like he's been waiting for this a day. And like, if I had to guess I feel like this costume was his idea. Yeah, definitely. And then his wife was like, Why do you want to do that? It's like June and he's like, Oh, I meant for Halloween.
Unknown Speaker 41:01
Oh, we need to do a test run now. I want to make this perfect. Um, yeah, so
Unknown Speaker 41:07
that's my last costume. Thought I have.
Unknown Speaker 41:11
Those are very nice. Yeah. If you don't have time to do the whole being born setup. You can go down to spirit Halloween and get you a scaler Boehner costume. It's pretty much a skeleton with the Boehner is an actual bone and it inflates.
Unknown Speaker 41:36
So we can slap some people with it. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 41:40
What were some of the other good ones we saw. Um, there were like several Dick ones. Oh, there was a breathalyzer and it was that Oh, here. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 41:51
And there was also like, a squirrel was not Oh, yeah. Yeah, um, go to the back of spirit Halloween. They have them all there.
Unknown Speaker 42:04
I feel like the people that would have those costumes and just shaking my head no,
Unknown Speaker 42:15
like, I feel like if I saw someone actually, okay, so maybe if someone showed up with a scalar scalar. Boehner I'd be like, Oh, haha, okay. Yeah. But like honors the exception of breathalyzer, I'd be like, Hey, you should
Unknown Speaker 42:28
go get my skill Boehner or both of us actually, kind of want to do
Unknown Speaker 42:36
our tips touched. Or like at the sorority, they back up their butts. And then they turn around um, so you had some pickup lines, right?
Unknown Speaker 42:53
Yeah. So if you don't have a cool skill or bone or costume and you need some help picking up the ladies, I have some pickup lines that you can use. Nice. Yeah, so the first ones. This first grouping I got from Cosmopolitan magazine, which that opened up a whole other can of worms because I'm like, oh, man, women's magazines are like some ultimate Korean shoe like they stress you out. Yeah, they're fucking terrible. Okay, so here's what Cosmo thinks that you need to do to get a mate on Halloween. I don't know why I said mate. Want to check my pants for a treat? Yeah, I'm
Unknown Speaker 43:47
gonna work just anybody wondering. Sure. Well
Unknown Speaker 43:50
let's see. How many licks does it take to get to the center of your tootsie pop? Want to find out?
Unknown Speaker 44:01
No, thank you.
Unknown Speaker 44:03
No, thanks. Here's one that's a little more mild if you don't want to go full on fucking disgusting. Are you a monster? Because you look Franken fun. Ah, pretty good. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 44:21
yeah, that's
Unknown Speaker 44:22
not bad. That's not
Unknown Speaker 44:23
bad again,
Unknown Speaker 44:24
in
Unknown Speaker 44:24
the realm of cheesy
Unknown Speaker 44:27
Here's another good cheesy one. For Halloween you should go is the love of my life.
Unknown Speaker 44:34
I feel like I cannot roll my eyes.
Unknown Speaker 44:39
Stop trying. Your eyes are gonna pop out. Don't worry yourself.
Unknown Speaker 44:45
Um, yeah, that one's really cringy
Unknown Speaker 44:48
it's real bad. Ones like a Michael Scott one. Oh, yeah. So we're gonna get back to sexy because it's Cosmo. See or did it go? Oh, I'm not doing as a ghost this year but you can still get under my sheets.
Unknown Speaker 45:06
Oh because you're okay to dress
Unknown Speaker 45:12
if you have to get to work don't use that one
Unknown Speaker 45:20
I did dress up as a sheep ghost one year oh nice um was like a little trunk or treating like gathering instead of like going around the neighborhood and me and my friend both dressed up as sheep ghost and we had one of those like chickens that you squeeze that makes a really weird moaning now noise and we won a costume contest I don't know I don't I can't remember if it was first place I can't imagine they would give us first place but I remember we got I think we got something and there was also like we were in a picture of like the newspaper for like the review. So anyway sorry.
Unknown Speaker 46:00
No. Okay, so back to nasty forget your broom. Read me instead
Unknown Speaker 46:14
what if like for some reason my brain went to like he's dressed up as a janitor
Unknown Speaker 46:23
throw up, get on the mop.
Unknown Speaker 46:26
Come on you sexy be thrown up all over.
Unknown Speaker 46:33
So the next grouping they're not from Cosmo, but there are some that are still pretty dirty. See this one's real gross, baby. I'm a necrophilia check. How good are you at playing dead Jamie's dying is illegal too far but I had to put it in here
Unknown Speaker 47:03
not the playing dead part but then that man all in with that one. I'm depending on what mood I'm in. And I'm not meaning like in like, if I'm feeling the mood. I mean, just like my humor that day. I might be like, I appreciate your Kuma leap that you decided to take.
Unknown Speaker 47:29
That is quite the LEAP yet to really know the person you're saying that it's gonna look real bad. Oh, yeah. ruin your life but you should dress up as a baker for Halloween with that set of bones I kind of Yeah, that was that was pretty good. I
Unknown Speaker 47:53
felt like there could be also more in there like sweet buns or Yeah, rolls or
Unknown Speaker 47:58
sticky buns. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 48:02
I see. I see the direction
Unknown Speaker 48:03
it has potential. So here's another one. That's very hard. Can you roll your eyes? Halloween is the night of darkness. But you are brighter than an angel.
Unknown Speaker 48:19
I think a fedora disappeared on your head
Unknown Speaker 48:27
yeah, definitely. Where's the fedora? My lady
Unknown Speaker 48:35
should we go out on this haunted evening Oh god.
Unknown Speaker 48:45
That was fuckin bad. Okay, I have a couple more here. Oh, this is another good for Dora guy one. Why don't you dress up as a princess when you could have simply come in plain clothes is the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party. Oh, god that
Unknown Speaker 49:05
just like has Middle School.
Unknown Speaker 49:09
This is one Fedora man was in middle school.
Unknown Speaker 49:13
Yeah, people please just don't. Don't use shit like that. It is just it's just cringe. It's nothing else that's not you're not gonna be like, Oh, that was so. beautiful, poetic and deep. poetic. It's just like, like how quickly can I get out of here?
Unknown Speaker 49:32
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 49:33
How does he have like handcuffs? Is it gonna take me to his cellar
Unknown Speaker 49:41
Silence of the Lambs situation. So I have a couple more nasties. See? necessarily nasty but I actually kind of like this one. Are you dressed up as a tree because you given me wood?
Unknown Speaker 50:03
The Giving Tree giving
Unknown Speaker 50:10
let me have a couple that are specific to costumes. So if there's a lovely lady well I say lady, I guess it could be either, but I just assume that creepy Fedora men are gonna be
Unknown Speaker 50:24
I can't even imagine a woman's fucking cost to understand
Unknown Speaker 50:30
these are the non Cosmos Yeah, so these are these are like somebody Googled like Halloween pick up like, oh, okay, yeah, this is these are not good. So if someone's wearing a witch costume, you could say I like your warts want to see a few of my see if you have mine? Like don't you? Gross Yeah, nothing bad. And then if there's somebody wearing a hobo costume, which I guess that's a little outdated, hopefully Yeah. For dressing as hobos, but well, they're not called Hope. Oh, God. backpedal, backpedal.
Unknown Speaker 51:30
According to the thing that was written that we're hating, yes, yes, that's the terminology being used.
Unknown Speaker 51:36
And I just like the I like the pickup line, because it's so fucking ridiculous. Hey, they're ever done it? Cardboard? fucking bad.
Unknown Speaker 51:52
If you still have if Wilson has that Bible carport.
Unknown Speaker 51:57
Yeah, okay, well, you're picking people up. First, you're gonna be like, Blady the lady Okay. A lady. In the night of darkness. You are brighter than an angel.
Unknown Speaker 52:14
Have you ever done it and i Holy Bible cardboard?
Unknown Speaker 52:18
Now's your chance.
Unknown Speaker 52:20
Only the best for you My Lady. Handcrafted vintage. Pants down in my family.
Unknown Speaker 52:29
Late 90s Bible costume.
Unknown Speaker 52:33
Oh, I remember I found like a family Bible. And there was it was like in our attic or whatever. Like for my family. I can't remember if we got it from someone else's family. Oh, wow. No.
Unknown Speaker 52:48
Well, there was hair in it.
Unknown Speaker 52:51
Yes. So that kind of
Unknown Speaker 52:54
like, oh, perfectly manicured like strip of hair or just like a clump like
Unknown Speaker 52:59
a like a lock of hair. That was like cut in like tied. And I think there might be
Unknown Speaker 53:05
a dead person.
Unknown Speaker 53:06
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, oh, man, this is like they cut the hair put it in there after they die. Um, I think my very, like the very first time I saw it, I was like, oh, Baby's first haircut was the last it was a corpse.
Unknown Speaker 53:28
That's the thing that I had to do. Sometimes when I worked at the funeral home, people would want to walk into hair. So like tying it up.
Unknown Speaker 53:37
Would you like um, did they gave you something to tie? It was like a ribbon. Or did you guys just like have stuff on hand? Ah,
Unknown Speaker 53:44
yeah, it was just stuff that we had on hand. So I'm glad that I was the one doing it. Because typically, I worked with a bunch of dudes, so I could just see that like cutting off a chunk of hair and like putting it in like a Ziploc, but I like tried to make it look nice. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 54:00
Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I get it's, that's kind of funny. I could see dudes just like oh, here's all your loved ones like shit. And it's just like, thrown in a box. It's like stray hairs all over it. It's like, Oh, you want me to keep the hair together?
Unknown Speaker 54:17
Or just like take some out of a brush and like here's a brush just like the grossest hair. I don't know why. It's like somehow dusty and
Unknown Speaker 54:31
yeah, like collects all the extra stuff that you're getting out of your hair too. I guess when you brush it. But it's kind of funny. The be home by home the the more the place you worked with the dead people. What does it call? Oh, funeral home. Okay, funeral home. Um, so I think I brought this up to you before but I'm like recently texted was like, Oh yeah, the water sanitation people found out funeral homes are like washing all the water down the drain. And like, I was kind of like Alyssa taught me that like, how
Unknown Speaker 55:15
not aware of this. People are always like, Oh my God, that's so fucking gross. And like, I mean, yeah, I guess it is but it's just like pooping and peeing and do you know, whatever in a toilet like it gets filtered out?
Unknown Speaker 55:33
And I mean, like we're dropping period blood in the toilet and yeah, so that's grosser than dead people but well, I don't know. You might have a better knowledge base on that. I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 55:46
To me all bloods kind of equal I mean, just like caught up sometimes, but which was cool. Blood blood clots are crazy, like graphic I want to be a Halloween episode. Yeah, skip, skip forward a little bit if you don't want to hear crazy blood stuff. But like, whenever people would dye their blood it'll kind of like clot up a little bit. It depends how long they've been dead. But with embalming, you know, you'd find the artery and you put a little nick in that and then put the cannula in from the embalming machine.
Unknown Speaker 56:27
Is that like a like a little get? Your dick motion I'm doing with.
Unknown Speaker 56:43
It just kind of looks like a like a
Unknown Speaker 56:47
like when you get like a blood drawn at the doctor kind of deal. Oh, no,
Unknown Speaker 56:53
I don't know why my brain can't think of words. But I mean, it just looks like a little thing. A tubing, but it's a metal shell. It's like a little
Unknown Speaker 57:01
metal to play a straw.
Unknown Speaker 57:03
Yeah, kind of like a straw. Yeah. So you put that in their artery. And then you make a little nick in the vein. And so in the machine pushes in the embalming fluid, it's pushing out the blood. And you put these little forceps down into the vein. Because sometimes, depending on how clotted their blood is you have to kind of like use those forceps and move them around. And that helps like work the clock
Unknown Speaker 57:28
Oh, wait, does it a break the clot up or just move it?
Unknown Speaker 57:33
I guess it could be either. Okay. It just kind of helps like pull it out. So sometimes you'd be involving somebody and just this like crazy, like bubbling up of clots would come out and it was super cool.
Unknown Speaker 57:48
I kind of want to see what that looks like. Yeah, I don't know
Unknown Speaker 57:52
if there's an ethical way. Maybe
Unknown Speaker 57:56
I'll just, um, I'll just embalm it in my brain.
Unknown Speaker 58:00
Well, we are moving towards like a black mirror world. So maybe I can like take my memory of it and send it to you one day.
Unknown Speaker 58:10
I thought you're gonna say they're gonna, maybe one day they'll start doing like live and how they used to do like live surgeries and shit like that. Um, um, but yeah, okay, I think um,
Unknown Speaker 58:24
I wait, I just had a memory of also Doris. Oh, yes. So I think this was my second boyfriend ever you dated?
Unknown Speaker 58:37
He was older.
Unknown Speaker 58:41
So I think this would it must have been when I was a junior or senior. And he was like, already out of high school. Not like super far out of high school, but an acceptable age range. Yes. And he was a fedora guy. He was an artist. And the drawings.
Unknown Speaker 59:02
Did he ever tried to paint? Like, did he ever try to draw you or anything?
Unknown Speaker 59:07
No, actually not. Okay. Which I'm kind of disappointed now. I would like to have that drawing.
Unknown Speaker 59:15
So what was the quality of his work? I think your
Unknown Speaker 59:19
it was not very good. So I think he I think he was like super into acid. And so he would like trip and draw these just cringe. Yeah, but my mind took me and
Unknown Speaker 59:44
he
Unknown Speaker 59:47
picked me up for our first date, and he was definitely wearing a fedora. Was he driving or? Yeah, he
Unknown Speaker 59:52
was okay. Specter does mom like?
Unknown Speaker 59:56
Yeah, I think his car like somehow started without a key all these never suppressed memories are coming back
Unknown Speaker 1:00:22
have yourself a non Fedora man now?
Unknown Speaker 1:00:25
Yeah, but he picked me up in a fedora and our first day it was at Taco Bell. We like got this like Winton said in a field and like looked at the stars
Unknown Speaker 1:00:43
Medora that sounds exactly how I would think a first day to tell you more about you and bring you roses or something to
Unknown Speaker 1:00:55
think ever got any flowers. There's some i i probably maybe gave away too much information because I think people would be able to figure out who he was. tell you more later because it gets fun.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:12
We'll definitely have to do like a cringy I'm cringing dating things one. And I might need to it might be pretty obvious who the people that I talk about, so I need to kind of push me think about how to phrase everything.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:28
We get a tone down the fedora magic.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:31
Definitely have some cringy old dating stories.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:36
Um,
Unknown Speaker 1:01:38
but yeah, I think that's or do you have anything else?
Unknown Speaker 1:01:42
I don't think I have anything else. Um, I think we're gonna start doing weekly apps now.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:50
Be on the lookout for that. And don't forget to follow our social media accounts. Alyssa does a kick ass job at keeping you guys entertained on with those. So Insta gram.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:08
Just thinking about Fedora magic.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:12
Yeah, Photoshop something with. And if you would like to see it, we usually pair along like an Instagram post. So we'll have some pictures that we've mentioned on the show or costumes. Yeah. Or if sometimes if I mean, in the sometimes if I have time I'll sometimes if I have time, I'll Photoshop a picture of something that we talked about. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:02:39
dinner, Chipotle, baby and maybe the next profile. Yeah, his handiwork,
Unknown Speaker 1:02:46
and I photoshopped those. So go check them out. On nervous laughter podcast, Instagram. Um, that's at nervous laughter podcast. I think I started before. You're good. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:01
The only one that's different is Twitter. Yeah. Nervous laughter podcast.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:05
I think it's some bit nervous laugh pod. Oh, is because I couldn't fit. Oops, hold on. We're double checking. Apparently. I
Unknown Speaker 1:03:11
don't know. I don't really understand Twitter. Me neither. Like a fucking boom or when I tried to get on it. Because like, I'll tap something and then it's like, you want to retweet this I'm like, no, like, fucking take me back to the thing.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:25
I just I can't get in the aspect of it. I don't know. Like, I'll just be like, Oh, haha, this stuff is funny. And then I'm just like, I feel like I've just don't communicate with people. Yeah. Um, but so our Twitter is at nervous laugh pod. We may not be posting on there as much but we're, I want to try to link that up to like our announcements, releases.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:53
So check those out on the lookout for Jason's Facebook fan page.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:58
Yep. Jason, we're
Unknown Speaker 1:03:59
gonna wait on that Jason
Unknown Speaker 1:04:01
at the end you can call him at. I was like when they beep out stuff on podcasts. So that's my version. So the beeps to
Unknown Speaker 1:04:18
Yeah, and his social is *beep*, and he works at *beep*
Unknown Speaker 1:04:25
with Brandon. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:30
And he lives by Alyssa at *beep* okay, that's another personal information. So, um, yeah, thank you guys for listening. Hope you have a happy spooky Halloween. Yeah, have fun. And don't forget that you can still be hot and still be cringy it's not, um, exclusive. All right
Unknown Speaker 1:05:03
use that fedora magic guys