Gobble, gobble fat heads! We have a little Thanksgiving feast for you!
Gobble gobble fat heads! We have a little Thanksgiving feast for you!
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Speaker 1 0:00
Me and Brandon were just doing our little morning routine stuff when we woke up the other morning, and Areith came up there and was, you know, saying good morning and stuff. So I've been down to lucky for some scratches, and she has, like, a really high pitch, like little e kind of thing she does. And so I was talking to her, and Oh, here she is, oh, hi, girl, yeah. See, she
Unknown Speaker 0:21
responded to the Eh, yeah. so, yeah. So I heard, like, you know, a little. And I was like, oh, okay, I'll stop. And then Brandon was like, Oh, that was My fart
Unknown Speaker 1:04
Welcome to nervous laughter podcast. Welcome. This is our fart
Unknown Speaker 1:09
I'm Jamie.
Unknown Speaker 1:09
I'm Alyssa,
Speaker 1 1:10
and today we're going to give you a little something to fart about on Thanksgiving, you know you're going to be so full
Unknown Speaker 1:23
you'll have to release that in the form of a fart.
Unknown Speaker 1:25
Yes,
Speaker 2 1:28
this the cycle of life.
Unknown Speaker 1:34
I just have to tell them about your YouTube history.
Speaker 3 1:38
So we were talking before we started recording. And, you know, like, everything sucks, so we're talking about that. And then Jamie is like, yeah, the stuff I was watching this morning probably didn't help.
Speaker 4 1:51
She showed me her YouTube history, and it was like,
Speaker 3 1:58
30 minutes of ditty footage, like, what happens to school shooters in jail,
Unknown Speaker 2:06
animals eating owners in front of people. Like,
Unknown Speaker 2:14
that's the vibes I'm
Speaker 1 2:16
bringing today. So my head's just in a very weird space. And speaking of, well, space will be next, the next episode. But yeah, this episode, um, do you want to kick us off with a heaping serving of, oh, sure, Thanksgiving things? Well,
Speaker 3 2:37
Jamie, I'm sure that you're hungry for some Thanksgiving food.
Unknown Speaker 2:44
So I have a couple things to share with you.
Speaker 3 2:49
The first thing is a picture that I found, and it's horribly disturbing.
Speaker 2 2:56
I'm just gonna show it to you. Oh, ew.
Speaker 1 2:59
I feel like I've seen that. I've I feel like you're unlocking internet memories. It's like tentacles coming out of a
Unknown Speaker 3:06
turkey turquoise.
Speaker 3 3:11
It's like, this is like turkey hentai, and I don't like it. No, that's like,
Speaker 1 3:17
some of the food stuff that I just don't like. That makes me just not feel
Speaker 3 3:20
good. Yeah, I'll definitely be posting this on the podcast, Instagram. It's a bunch of octopus, tentacles coming out of, as Jamie said, the targocy.
Speaker 3 3:37
We also have a Thanksgiving item that this is one thing for you to be thankful for. I couldn't find it in any stores around us. If I did, I was gonna buy it and make us try it. Is this gonna be is this better than penicillin? I don't know. It's the DiGiorno Thanksgiving pizza.
Unknown Speaker 3:58
Oh
Speaker 3 4:01
yeah, that sounds like it would be good, but it's a frozen pizza with roasted turkey with green beans, crispy onions, dried cranberries and a gravy drizzle on Detroit, Detroit style crust
Unknown Speaker 4:18
and the
Speaker 3 4:20
you can see the green beans on the pizza there?
Unknown Speaker 4:26
Yeah,
Speaker 1 4:29
I'm not gonna lie. I am one of the people that try the Thanksgiving themed stuff, like sandwiches and stuff. I mean,
Speaker 2 4:36
that sounds kind of that's not one I would opt for. So the green
Unknown Speaker 4:43
beans are what do it for me?
Unknown Speaker 4:47
Ew, a vegetable.
Unknown Speaker 4:54
Vegetable. It's
Speaker 1 4:58
just like the green. Bean also looks like a canned green bean, like a gross green beans that you're not excited it's gonna
Speaker 3 5:05
be a rotary texture, yeah? But I'll be honest, I I'm slightly disappointed that I couldn't find one. Because I was like, Oh, we haven't done little taste test, yeah, in a while, in a long while, but, yeah, the closest store that had it was Kroger, which we don't even have those here, like in Houston, so yeah,
Speaker 1 5:24
maybe next year we'll be able to get, like, the Thanksgiving beer and hopefully all that.
Unknown Speaker 5:30
Keep a super eye out.
Speaker 3 5:31
I got so excited the other day hub, because I always look in the little clearance area, and I saw a pack of budweisers, and I could tell it was like different colors. And I was like, fuck, it's the fall flavors. But then I got closer and it was like,
Speaker 2 5:50
like, some soda flavored, SEL,
Speaker 3 5:55
weird, cola and orange and like, sodas that had malt beverage in them, yeah? But for a second I thought we were gonna get that pumpkin spice Budweiser seltzer.
Unknown Speaker 6:09
I need that pumpkin spice buzz. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 6:12
same.
Speaker 1 6:15
If anyone knows where to get them, or maybe I'll keep an eye out on eBay or something, if it'll last for like, a year or so, maybe, maybe that's the way to do it. Yeah,
Speaker 3 6:25
I didn't look to see if they made them again. I feel like they probably haven't since they first did in 2020, or whatever. But, oh, okay, okay, yeah, maybe they just get stronger before they ferment. Oh, drinking some like pumpkin spice, Budweiser moonshine. When they finally get one,
Unknown Speaker 6:45
we'll go blind. Well then, yeah, it's
Unknown Speaker 6:47
perfect for the lens at that time. Yeah, that
Unknown Speaker 6:52
was perfect. Oh,
Speaker 3 6:54
speaking of lens, perfect segue. Thank you. There are some people that I know them from Tiktok. I don't know if they venture outside of there, but it's a guy and his mom, and their Tiktok account is called Josh and Mama, and they talk exactly how you think they would. He's like, What do you
Unknown Speaker 7:17
make? Mama? Male, Josh,
Speaker 3 7:21
100% Gosh, and I saw her Thanksgiving meal that she made last year. Mama cannot cook. She makes some of the legitimately, like nastiest looking shit I've ever seen, like she made something called a water burger, which is, like, she made a hamburger patty and, like, boiled it in water.
Unknown Speaker 7:46
Oh
Speaker 3 7:49
yeah, she makes awful looking shit. And her Thanksgiving was, like, she boiled macaroni and then, like, put American cheese slices on top, like, shit, like that.
Unknown Speaker 8:00
It's like a waffle house too, macaroni.
Unknown Speaker 8:05
Waffle House. Macaroni would be better.
Unknown Speaker 8:10
Her shit looks so awful.
Unknown Speaker 8:12
Is it kind of like, I
Speaker 1 8:13
get some videos that are like, making my blue collar husband a meal. And it's like, they just, I can't even, like, think of what it is, but it's just like a bunch of, like gross, like TV dinner stuff, like, mixed together in a pan with like Velveeta on top.
Unknown Speaker 8:27
This is,
Speaker 2 8:31
this is kind of like that, in a way, but
Speaker 3 8:36
I it's kind of like if you let a five year old cook and, like, operate an oven. Like, it's just very, very basic, like, no seasoning. Like, this seems like very typical or stereotypical, like white people type of food, Okay, gotcha looks fucking gross. Like her Thanksgiving ham she took so like she took a canned ham and cut it up and put pineapple slices on top and put it in the oven.
Unknown Speaker 9:07
That's on the Thanksgiving ham, exactly. That's
Speaker 1 9:10
a Christmas ham, damn it.
Unknown Speaker 9:16
Oh man, I saw one this morning.
Unknown Speaker 9:21
She
Unknown Speaker 9:24
Josh walks up. He's like, What
Unknown Speaker 9:25
are you doing, Mama?
Speaker 3 9:27
And you look in the fucking pot, and there is Ritz crackers in boiling oil or boiling water. Sorry, my instinct was to say boiling oil, boiling
Unknown Speaker 9:41
water. She's boiling Ritz crackers. That
Speaker 1 9:43
just sounds like, how you make, like, fake throw up or something, I don't know, dude.
Unknown Speaker 9:47
So question, sorry,
Unknown Speaker 9:51
were the crackers in the bag? Or just,
Speaker 3 9:53
oh no, they were okay. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 9:57
is this like a satire count or something?
Speaker 3 9:59
I truly don't know. That's the other part that's disturbing. I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 10:05
So hard to tell nowadays it
Speaker 3 10:07
is so she said she was making a What did she call it?
Unknown Speaker 10:16
Like a dupe for
Speaker 3 10:17
an apple pie? And we're like, What the fuck are you talking about? Like a dupe? Is like a knockoff? Well, I ended up looking it up, and it's a real recipe.
Speaker 2 10:28
It's a faux apple pie.
Unknown Speaker 10:33
So I got this recipe
Unknown Speaker 10:35
from plainchic.com
Speaker 3 10:40
and she said it came on the box, the back of the box of Ritz crackers in the 30s. So this is a real, oh, okay, real classic vintage,
Unknown Speaker 10:50
yeah. So,
Speaker 3 10:54
oh, she said about it. Quote, let me tell you, this is better than good chicken legs tried to slice and was shocked at how good it was. I had to tell him that the pie didn't have any apples in it, Ritz crackers cooked in simple syrup and topped with a buttery chrome topping. So I'm guessing chicken legs is her husband that she had
Speaker 1 11:19
challenged. You know, chicken legs and Mama, chicken legs and Mama.
Speaker 3 11:22
So if you want to try to make this pie, if you live in a food desert where you can't get apples, but you can get Ritz crackers, then this is for you. It's probably a lot of places in America, actually, because we live in,
Unknown Speaker 11:36
oh yeah, there are a lot of food deserts.
Speaker 3 11:39
So you're going to take a saucepan, bring to medium heat, combine water sugar and cream of tartar, and bring it to a boil. Then you're going to drop in the crackers and boil for five minutes, stir in lemon juice and cinnamon, pour into a pie shell. Then you make the topping with like more Ritz crackers, and like sugar and stuff, and then you bake it, and I guess the boiled Ritz crackers combined with the cinnamon and sugar, you have, like an apple texture, weird, interesting. Okay, well, I
Speaker 1 12:18
guess that's something that we'll try to make some time and we can sample
Unknown Speaker 12:24
it. Here we go.
Unknown Speaker 12:28
Very much. A Lin recipe, yes,
Unknown Speaker 12:31
oh man, yeah,
Speaker 1 12:34
I'm excited to try it, because that seems really weird. Like, I'm sure I feel like, obviously, on the surface, ew. It tastes gross, but it seems so easy to make. Why not? Yeah. Give it a go. Yeah. So
Speaker 3 12:48
I just want to say a thank you to Josh and Mama and plainchick.com and chicken legs. Thank you.
Unknown Speaker 12:57
Chicken legs is very trustworthy. I trust that guy's review.
Unknown Speaker 13:00
Dang old chicken legs.
Speaker 3 13:04
I think that's the only recipe that I have. But I did find a statistic that was funny about frying turkeys. Oh, okay, the National Fire Protection Association reports that there are an average of five deaths, 60 injuries and more than $15 million in property damage each year from frying turkeys. Damn. Can you imagine dying from frying a turkey? It just makes me think of like 1000 ways to die, dude. That is a land way to go, if I have ever heard of one. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1 13:46
seen a lot of videos of people just being like, Oh, I'm just gonna drop those frozen turkey in there or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 3 13:59
that's scary. It is scary. Have you ever had one though fried turkey once it's really good.
Unknown Speaker 14:07
I don't remember what it tastes like.
Speaker 3 14:09
I remember it being really moist.
Unknown Speaker 14:12
So
Unknown Speaker 14:14
not to say that the deaths are worth it.
Speaker 3 14:20
So Jamie, have you ever watched the Macy's Day Parade?
Unknown Speaker 14:23
No,
Unknown Speaker 14:24
just some like, you
Unknown Speaker 14:26
know, stuff deflating.
Speaker 3 14:30
Yeah, yeah. My sister had it on at her house last year, and I was like, Oh, this was a good distraction from not talking to people. I'm like, I'm very invested in this parade now, and I will do this year as well. Be like, sorry, you can't talk. There's a fucking float of
Unknown Speaker 14:48
the apocalypse.
Unknown Speaker 14:49
I don't know.
Speaker 1 14:50
I do this every year. This is my thing. I'm in the zone. I'm
Speaker 3 14:54
a Macy's Day Parade bitch. Now I'm so I'm. Found out a couple weird things that have happened. Obviously, there's a bunch of weird things that have happened. Because in 2026 that'll be the 100th anniversary. Oh, wow. So
Unknown Speaker 15:11
yeah,
Unknown Speaker 15:12
lots were coming up.
Unknown Speaker 15:14
We're coming up.
Speaker 3 15:16
So in 1997 at the 71st Macy's Day thanksgiving parade, such a long title. There were a couple incidents that were caused by high winds. Everybody was kind of concerned, because it was really windy. And Macy's kind of talked about scrapping the balloon portion. You know, it's the big floating
Unknown Speaker 15:44
of course they're not going to put on. I got
Speaker 4 15:55
a show. It's for Macy's Day Parade. For
Unknown Speaker 16:00
crying out loud, chicken
Unknown Speaker 16:01
legs is gonna be there.
Speaker 3 16:05
Chicken legs is the king of the Macy's Day Parade. So they kind of talked about it, and Macy's official was like, No, it's cool. The wind is dying down. But you know it wasn't, yeah, you
Unknown Speaker 16:20
know how he's a weather guy, this
Speaker 3 16:24
random dude that works for Macy's corporate knows about weather, yeah. Well, the wind gusts ended up reaching 43 miles an hour, and the balloon handlers were having trouble controlling the balloons. And at first I was like, well, that's windy, but yeah, imagine this huge fucking balloon like trying to go up into the air, and your job is to hold it down. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 16:55
So
Speaker 3 16:58
there were some significant incidences in incidents, sorry. Things happened with the Pink Panther float, the Barney float and the Cat in the Hat, one or not float, balloons, whatever. And there were a million people in the crowd, so they got to see all this weird as shit happen. According to The New York Times, perhaps a dozen balloons were damaged. Overall, several losing limbs to wind related issues. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 17:33
so like losing limbs? Are
Speaker 1 17:36
they like? Does the balloon like multiple parts or just like, deflated or something,
Speaker 3 17:42
it seems like it, yeah, I guess maybe it's like multiple balloon things stuck together. Because there was another time where Superman lost a hand, like, they say balloon, but I think it's actually like kind of a heavy structure, you know, that probably has like, metal and shit holding the shape, and then it just okay that, yeah, so, or a bunch of like glue, that's like, yeah, okay, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 18:12
I would just
Speaker 1 18:14
say, I never really thought about it. So I was like, it's just one gigantic fucking thing, yeah,
Speaker 3 18:19
it's, like, a balloon you get in the grocery store, but apparently it's not, which is crazy. So there were some issues with Pink Panther and Barney, like I had mentioned, and Barney crashed into a lamp post and deflated. Oh, and this sounds fucking fake, but Wikipedia said that one child was quoted as saying, Barney's dead.
Unknown Speaker 18:46
He's dead. Yeah, that sounds
Unknown Speaker 18:48
silly, but
Speaker 3 18:52
have you heard of that documentary that, like talks about how people hate Barney?
Unknown Speaker 18:57
No,
Speaker 3 18:58
yeah. I can't think about what it's called. I can't remember what it's called,
Unknown Speaker 19:04
I hate you. You hate me, like
Speaker 3 19:06
I love you, or some like that. But yeah, it kind of talks about the history of how Barney became hated. So I'm really interested to watch that. Okay,
Speaker 1 19:15
interesting. I'm interesting to see if it's like a grounded in anything legit or being like a fucking hate hearing this guy over and over,
Speaker 3 19:27
yeah, like, did you have that little song in school, or you you like saying about roasting Barney's head and shit? I don't think so.
Unknown Speaker 19:38
We were Barney lovers. Okay? It
Speaker 3 19:41
was like Joy to the world. Barney's dead. What happened to his body? We flushed it down the pot and around him. Okay, yep, I
Speaker 1 19:54
remember that. I don't know if it was Barney's head or someone else's, but yes,
Speaker 3 19:58
it could be, yeah, changeable. But. His head, really, oh yeah, because people would say it was teachers too, which was really fucked up.
Unknown Speaker 20:04
Oh, okay, yeah, that's as a kid, it
Unknown Speaker 20:07
seems innocent, but as an adult, it's like, like,
Unknown Speaker 20:09
oh shit, that's bad. Well,
Speaker 3 20:13
the biggest incident ended up happening with the six story tall Cat in the Hat
Unknown Speaker 20:19
balloon.
Speaker 3 20:20
So it got struck several times. It lost an arm, the arm that fell injured four people, with two sustaining serious head wounds, and another one had a nearly fatal skull fracture that put her in a coma for 24
Unknown Speaker 20:40
days. Whoa,
Unknown Speaker 20:45
okay. Wait, wait, so the balloon like, I'm
Speaker 1 20:48
sorry it landed like on top of them, or the
Unknown Speaker 20:51
arm fella, arm fell hit people and hit people.
Speaker 3 20:56
In hindsight, I should have gone back and learned about the structure of these things. I can do a quick Google.
Speaker 1 21:04
I'm very concerned about the structure of these things.
Speaker 3 21:09
So we took a pause to Google these balloons, because we needed to know so it looks like they start out with a sketch. They kind of model everything.
Unknown Speaker 21:27
They cut together fabric
Unknown Speaker 21:30
and, oh, sorry
Speaker 3 21:33
the AI did not do a very good job of this. But yeah, it seems like there's some structure inside. Things have to be sewn together and kind of melted together. It takes five months to make a balloon. Each balloon can hold about 120,000 cubic feet of helium, and the balloon could lift 750 pounds. So it makes sense that they're having control. It makes sense that they're having trouble controlling it in the wind. Because if it can lift up 750 pounds and you're fighting wind like, yeah, people that fucking take to hold a balloon like, Jesus, that
Speaker 1 22:18
sounds like an unnecessary safety like, yeah, for a fucking balloon. Like, I don't know, like, we have cars and stuff that you can make really heavy. Like, why do they not have some sort of specialty, like, balloon transport thing?
Speaker 3 22:37
Well, after each parade is done, then they deflate them, and they store them
Unknown Speaker 22:42
in Jersey.
Unknown Speaker 22:43
Oh, in Jersey.
Unknown Speaker 22:47
Oh, do they? Oh, wait, do they?
Speaker 1 22:49
I guess they reuse these. Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 22:53
Well, I mean, I guess they're always adding new ones for, like, different cartoon characters and shit. But yeah, I guess they get reused.
Unknown Speaker 22:59
Classics
Unknown Speaker 23:01
got a float of a hot dog.
Speaker 3 23:06
Oh, one more quick thing about this lady that got hit by the arm,
Unknown Speaker 23:11
she ended up filing a $395
Speaker 3 23:15
million lawsuit against Macy's New York City and the lamp post manufacturer that the that the Cat in the Hat hit, she sued them too, and according to the suit, she suffered permanent brain damage from the injury, and she ended up settling in 2001 Oh, Wow. So several years after seven, by the way.
Unknown Speaker 23:42
Just kidding, it wasn't seven years.
Speaker 1 23:44
But no, sorry, my brain's just like, zoning out because I I watched a bunch of stuff on YouTube yesterday about people getting injured on fucking,
Unknown Speaker 23:55
like, carnival rides and shit.
Speaker 1 23:56
So I'm just like, how many things in the world are going
Unknown Speaker 24:02
damage. I'm so sorry. I just like
Unknown Speaker 24:06
my brain is just like
Unknown Speaker 24:08
a little minorly damaged today.
Speaker 1 24:11
I guess I don't know. Have a shitty marshmallow. Maybe that'll help. Alyssa brought these shitty marshmallows over to my house.
Speaker 3 24:18
I did Jamie's the only other person that shares my passion for marshmallows. So I went to a marshmallow store, which is crazy that they have them, and I got us some, and they're not very good. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 24:32
underwhelming they are.
Speaker 1 24:35
Yeah, maybe I'll learn how to make marshmallows. My sister knows how to do it, so I'm like, I can definitely do it? Oh, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 24:41
yeah, that would be cool. But, yeah, she
Speaker 3 24:45
ended up settling before the trial went to a jury, and I don't know who paid her out, if it was like Macy's or whatever, the fuck
Unknown Speaker 24:53
chicken legs.
Unknown Speaker 24:57
The Macy's chicken legs. Can
Unknown Speaker 24:58
I get some money? Hands,
Unknown Speaker 25:03
the Macy's parade's not going to end this way,
Unknown Speaker 25:06
if chicken legs has anything to say.
Speaker 3 25:12
But even, even weirder thing, so in 2006 this same lady, a plane crashed into her apartment, like, a couple blocks away from where the Macy's thing happened, and she wasn't in her unit at that time, but a plane just like, fucking hit her apartment. Wow.
Unknown Speaker 25:36
She needs to, like,
Unknown Speaker 25:38
move maybe.
Unknown Speaker 25:43
He's not saying
Unknown Speaker 25:45
they got balloons flying everywhere,
Unknown Speaker 25:47
balloons and planes.
Unknown Speaker 25:51
One other quick, crazy thing that happened in 2012
Unknown Speaker 25:58
so there
Unknown Speaker 26:00
was a lawyer, which Jamie wants to be
Unknown Speaker 26:02
a lawyer, yeah,
Speaker 3 26:03
let's be lawyers. Let's be lawyers. His name was Saul finkenstein, which I'm like, Better Call Saul. Is he like a shady lawyer like him, but he was a Manhattan attorney, and he was at the Macy's Parade with the sun. And they're like, oh, confetti. And then they look and they notice that it's not confetti, it's like shredded paper. And he sees a social security number on it. Oh, my God. He said there were whole sentences, license plate numbers and police reports on these little strips of paper. So, yeah, they realize it's not confetti. It's somebody took some police documents from the local police department and just, like, shredded them and like, fucking threw them, what the fuck? And then Macy's is, like, no, like, we use colored paper. We're not shredding stuff and, like, making our own confetti, like we buy actual confetti.
Unknown Speaker 27:10
We're not cheap, I promise.
Speaker 3 27:13
But yeah, there's not much about it. But I guess the only thing I could find is they did find out it was an employee from the Nassau County Police Department that just, like, took some shit and threw it around. Man, that's
Unknown Speaker 27:26
wild
Unknown Speaker 27:27
that's wild man stuff. Yeah, that's
Unknown Speaker 27:29
wild man stuff. That's
Unknown Speaker 27:30
chicken legs. How
Unknown Speaker 27:32
are they getting home to that Mama? I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 27:37
Yeah, pretty well, yeah, that's, um,
Speaker 1 27:40
like, why there was so many questions there. And I know you said it was hard to find information.
Speaker 3 27:46
Yeah, there were a ton of articles talking about finding the actual strips of paper, but it was only in one article that they confirmed that it was an employee that did it. So I have no other details, weird, but you know what? Maybe they treated him bad, and he was like, fuck it. I'm just gonna take some shit and and throw it around. And you know what? Good for
Speaker 2 28:09
him, yeah, throwing shit around like, and I'm sure, well,
Speaker 1 28:15
I'm sure no one did anything with the information they found, but you never know. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3 28:20
maybe I shouldn't say good for him, because maybe innocent people's social security numbers got scattered. But,
Speaker 2 28:26
um, yeah, I don't know if he's like,
Speaker 1 28:30
throwing on stuff that's like, public record, like, bunch of fucked up stuff people did. That's cool, because I don't know. Fuck the fucked up stuff people have done, I guess,
Unknown Speaker 28:40
or the fucked up thing, the
Speaker 3 28:42
piggies that work in the police department probably did too. Yeah, tell me their social security numbers.
Speaker 1 28:49
I'm gonna drop Internal Affairs all over this bitch. Yes, well, to round out the episode, I have a heaping pie full of creepy pasta. So we're gonna go from the boiled Ritz apple pie to a creepy pasta pie.
Unknown Speaker 29:13
This was the only like Thanksgiving one I could find.
Unknown Speaker 29:16
So, um, you know, it's
Speaker 1 29:18
a, it's called a black stone, family Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 29:24
Oh, black stone, like the grill. Oh, maybe
Unknown Speaker 29:27
it
Unknown Speaker 29:28
sounds like a truck to me, so I don't know.
Speaker 1 29:32
I'm not familiar with, uh, with girls. I didn't know you were a grilling girl.
Speaker 3 29:37
I'm really not. But I always see videos of people grilling on one, and it's basically like those things they have at hibachi places where it's just like a big flat top.
Unknown Speaker 29:46
Oh, okay, okay, okay, gotcha.
Speaker 3 29:49
I kind of want one, but realistically I will never use it. So
Unknown Speaker 29:53
yeah, that's, that's how I feel as well.
Unknown Speaker 29:58
All right, here we go.
Speaker 1 30:00
It was all over the papers, though, no one really knew how the events unfolded. On the surface, it looked like the perfect Thanksgiving. The turkey was cooked to gold imperfection. Steam rose from the freshly baked dinner rolls, and the house was filled with the scent of cinnamon and melted butter on the pumpkin pie and candy dams. And then
Unknown Speaker 30:19
I walked into the wrong house.
Unknown Speaker 30:24
Forgot about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1 30:29
go listen to one of our older Thanksgiving episodes if you want to hear about that. Yet the picturesque scene, which was ruined by a girl walking into the wrong this picture scene which could have been easily, which could have easily been the cover of Home and Garden magazine was revealed to be under the surface a gruesome tab, tuba.
Unknown Speaker 30:58
Do tuba? Do taboo
Speaker 1 31:00
of a family fallen foul play was afoot this Thanksgiving, five corpses sat around this untouched meal. Oh shoot Claude and Mildred Blackstone earned their money on the backs of hard working indentured servants who ran their plantation. Claude ruled the farm with an iron hand during the day and Mildred kept the household that was a strict and spotless
Unknown Speaker 31:27
bring me
Unknown Speaker 31:28
a mint in June.
Unknown Speaker 31:31
I'm getting as hot over here as a June
Unknown Speaker 31:34
bug. In July,
Speaker 1 31:41
the two ice cold children, which consisted of bratty Cynthia and Toby, who earned a reputation for frequenting the servants quarters at odd hours of the night,
Unknown Speaker 31:52
the fuck like Yeah, back
Unknown Speaker 31:54
to bed. Toby,
Unknown Speaker 31:56
stop fucking around. Um,
Unknown Speaker 32:01
they had reached adulthood, the
Speaker 1 32:03
children occupied themselves with their own preoccupations, as did the rest of the Blackstone household, Uncle
Unknown Speaker 32:09
Percival,
Unknown Speaker 32:16
uncle, drinking water.
Speaker 1 32:19
Claude, youngest brother was generally considered to be a good man as a priest of a local parish and firm,
Unknown Speaker 32:33
but he was not without his secrets.
Unknown Speaker 32:37
Claude, Percival.
Speaker 1 32:42
Claude, let me slow that down. Claude had recently taken ill with tuberculosis, and it was clear he was not long for the world this world, this had left Toby and Cynthia with a conundrum. They were the next of kin, and the fortune that would be stand to inherit was substantial. By the laws of the township, it was known that the entire fortune would go to Toby, being the first born male son. This, of course, did not sit well with Cynthia, and she began plotting to remove Toby from the picture. Oh, hey, my brother. However, despite Toby's apparent thickness, he was wise to his sister's plan and developed his own. Oh, Cynthia's vanity would be her downfall. A simple tampering with her cosmetics would be the end for her but not before Cynthia's knowledge of her brother's Sweet Tooth would have him added ingredient to his beloved saltwater taffy.
Unknown Speaker 33:52
Story fucking rules,
Speaker 1 33:56
both Blackstone children died silently in their sleep. Percival had always been jealous of Claude sex. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 34:07
he probably is jealous. He's a priest, they can't fuck.
Speaker 1 34:11
Jealous of Claude success and affluence, but most of all, his
Unknown Speaker 34:15
wife. Oh, he
Speaker 1 34:18
had been in love with Mildred since they were children, but all Claude had but old, but it was Claude that had won her heart, and they married young, yet the passion had faded from the marriage years ago, and now Percival found himself making more and more house calls to the Blackstone home he and Mildred met In the woods to confront their secret love for each other, but religion and family obligation kept them from fully reconciling their passion, even despite Mildred discovery of Claude liaisons with the servants, K and. It's too much for my poor little heart to take.
Unknown Speaker 35:08
Um, though he knew that
Speaker 1 35:09
Mildred was a woman scorned. She would never abandon her family. On the night before Thanksgiving, Percival came to and met Claude in the kitchen, just as he was leaving to rendezvous
Unknown Speaker 35:24
with the head housekeeper.
Speaker 1 35:29
Claude's breath was stinking a whiskey and percivals. Patience was at an end. The hatred these two men had for one another in this moment climax from a low simmer simmer to a rolling bowl, and neither could suppress it any longer. Claude swung at his brother and Miss Percival. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 35:57
surprise. Okay, cool.
Speaker 1 35:59
Percival reaching for the only other thing he had handy, drove his crucifix direction
Speaker 4 36:05
through his brother's heart. Yeah, surprise,
Unknown Speaker 36:09
he's a vampire now too.
Speaker 1 36:12
In honor of what he had done, Percival left the kitchen that Thanksgiving Eve and ran to his parish to pray when Mildred came down for her nightly cup of tea, she saw her husband dead on the floor. She quickly, she quickly called for her children.
Unknown Speaker 36:32
Cynthia
Unknown Speaker 36:37
is on the flow.
Speaker 1 36:38
He's a Wilton. When they didn't answer, she ran up to their room, only to discover each child dead in their beds, Mildred, screamed and wailed, crumb went on the floor and despair, however, moments later, this, as though nothing had happened, she rose, wrapped her tears and calmly dragged the bodies of her children, one by one downstairs to the dining room. She then gathered her husband's body from the kitchen. All night long, she prepared them, dressing them in their finest clothes, cleaning their wounds and arranging them around the table. Percival spent the night praying in the church, and the next morning, he came to the house, ready to confront his sins and beg mildred's Forgiveness. As he reached the house, he called out for Mildred, he heard her familiar, elegant voice echo from the dining hall, and here Percival entered. The table was set for all of them the lifeless body sat around the Thanksgiving feast. A bottle rested between two glasses of wine. Percival shock and confusion left him speechless. All thoughts of his own confession of Mildred left his mind as he stammered and asked Mildred for an explanation. She smiled sweetly and handed him a glass of wine, drink, she said, and we can all be a family again. Percival drank the wine as he was told,
Unknown Speaker 38:07
the poison worked quickly.
Unknown Speaker 38:11
Mildred.
Unknown Speaker 38:12
Finally,
Unknown Speaker 38:13
it took those second to register.
Speaker 1 38:19
Mildred Finally, with her entire family around her, took her own glass in hand,
Unknown Speaker 38:23
still with that sweet
Speaker 1 38:24
smile that she had charmed the late Percival she drank, she never screamed as the poison ate its way through her intestines.
Unknown Speaker 38:35
The end, that's it
Unknown Speaker 38:39
10 out of 10, everybody
Unknown Speaker 38:40
die.
Unknown Speaker 38:43
That was amazing. Yeah, so you, like, right?
Unknown Speaker 38:47
Was amazing,
Unknown Speaker 38:48
excellent find. How did you end up finding it?
Unknown Speaker 38:51
I just was googling for Thanksgiving creepy pasta. Okay, that was, like,
Speaker 1 38:55
the only one that came up that was actually, like, Thanksgiving related.
Unknown Speaker 38:58
That was awesome.
Speaker 1 38:59
And the seal of them. Um, so, yeah, that was kind of a fun one.
Speaker 3 39:04
I do declare that was the best creepy pasta I've ever heard.
Unknown Speaker 39:09
Sit and have some wine, chicken legs
Unknown Speaker 39:12
or chicken pie. Wait, what was it? Cheese,
Unknown Speaker 39:13
chicken legs, chicken legs. So,
Speaker 3 39:19
um, a beautiful story of family to close out our Thanksgiving episode with,
Speaker 1 39:25
yeah. And I hope you guys all have a good Thanksgiving. Yeah, poison your families. Yeah, yeah. Recommend 1010. Uh, just kidding, obviously, joke. Um, hope you enjoy your family or not. Hope you enjoy your not family time, if that's what you're doing, yes and
Unknown Speaker 39:46
gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble.
Unknown Speaker 39:48
Oh, I
Speaker 3 39:49
do have one pickup line for you. Oh
Unknown Speaker 39:52
yes,
Speaker 3 39:53
there's only one cavity that I want to stuff, if you know what I mean. Ooh.
Unknown Speaker 39:58
So give that a try.
Unknown Speaker 39:59
I The turgus. See,
Unknown Speaker 40:03
that's what I want to stop. You know? What? If you find yourself
Speaker 3 40:06
alone on Thanksgiving, there's always a turgussy.
Speaker 1 40:10
turgussy for everybody, um, and, yeah, a party on fat heads,
Unknown Speaker 40:16
party on in the Turgussy