How many mouthwash cups are in a football field? Well, Jamie has your answer! Tune in for this week’s dose of cringe and the smoothest segue transitions you’ve ever heard.
Kicking off with some updates regarding last week's episodes. How many mouthwash cups are in a football field? Jamie has your answer! Shout out to our French listeners! Alyssa pronounces some French words for you all, much love!
Alyssa reminisces about some cruise memories with her sister. Jamie brings up a couple of recent moments that spin off into more memories. Jamie shares a message she got from a sugar daddy on Instagram…yeah…it’s weird for them to get through…”dear”. Alyssa brings up this weird dating show she’s been watching recently, Love is Blind, and some other recent stories.
Write us some of your cringe stories at nervouslaughterpodcast@gmail.com
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Flying Racoon Suit (the ska band that people were sexy swing dancing to): Spotify |
Apple Music
Unknown Speaker 0:00
So I came across a news article from 95.7 The Jet. A Washington teacher reprimanded over racy joke to students.
Unknown Speaker:
Oh no, no, no
Unknown Speaker: her retelling it: "So in my room, (she's a teacher) I have a cat butt Tissue Dispenser. Currently the dispenser is out of tissues. A student noticed this and asked how do you refill it? I paused for a moment until my class I turned down the lights put on some soft music and use a lot of Vaseline.
Unknown Speaker 0:33
Oh, no, that's not a good joke to make.
Unknown Speaker 0:37
Nope. Yeah, the article explained petroleum jelly is sometimes used as a sexual lubricant.
Unknown Speaker 1:04
Oh, yeah. Well, they explain that.
Unknown Speaker 1:07
I think she got fired.
Unknown Speaker
What grade was this?
Unknown Speaker
I will say it was middle school. I don't think it says in this article.
Unknown Speaker 1:18
So it wasn't college students. Okay, whoa, okay. Let's so anything under that is just like definitely not appropriate.
Unknown Speaker 1:28
Yeah. I was like, Oh, shit. This is definitely pod worthy.
Unknown Speaker 1:32
Yeah, that's really crazy.
Unknown Speaker 1:35
I am interested in that. tissue holder, though. We'll try to find one. Those can be the podcast issues. Yeah. Welcome to nervous laughter podcast, by the way. Welcome. I'm Jamie.
Unknown Speaker 1:51
I'm Alyssa.
Unknown Speaker 1:52
And we're your hosts of this experience
Unknown Speaker 1:57
Its an experience,
Unknown Speaker 1:59
so real quick, I have a correction from last week
Unknown Speaker 2:03
Do we still do the beep beep beeps?
Unknown Speaker 2:05
because it's just kind of new. Beep beep beep news? Yeah. I do actually have a small news story that I was thinking about not sharing because it's totally fake. But I keep seeing it. And it's just like a like Indiana egg farmer gets admitted to hospital with like a chicken stuck in his butt.
Unknown Speaker 2:29
You've seen this multiple times? Yeah, I haven't heard of this.
Unknown Speaker 2:33
I guess I'm I guess I'm just like personally target for bullshit. But yeah, it was dumb. It was like the chicken would have suffocated if it got there and you later and like it. It tore apart as at his insides, whatever with its beak. But anyway. Not real of course. But how fun.
Unknown Speaker
That was fun.
Unknown Speaker
But I do have a correction from last week's episode. I think I said a name backwards and or incorrectly. From family matters. It's a Waldo Geraldo Faldo. He's a pretty cool guy. And also just an interesting little tidbit. I did a calculation to figure out how many mouthwash cups are in a football field. Yeah. Do you want to take a guess?
Unknown Speaker 3:32
Okay, um, do you have written down how many feet it is? I'm going to ask for a little help.
Unknown Speaker 3:37
Ah, no, I just wrote down that. The mouthwash cups are two inches laying down.
Unknown Speaker 3:45
Well, I thought that would help me but it doesn't. Um, I'm gonna guess I want to say 10,000 Like, that's way to too excessive. Okay. 8000
Unknown Speaker
way too much.
Unknown Speaker
Okay. Um, 5000
Unknown Speaker
No, it's still a little too much.
Unknown Speaker
3500?
Unknown Speaker
that's close.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, I'll let you tell us because just keep going down one by 1
Unknown Speaker 4:18
2310.
Unknown Speaker
That's it?
Unknown Speaker
I know. It's pretty surprising, huh?
Unknown Speaker 4:31
can't remember how much it was but I Googled how many inches a football field was and then I just divided that by if we're assuming the mouthwash cups are two inches, but if they're stacks you know that's a whole nother calculation. We would have to do 360 feet long by 160 feet
wide. 20 inches. Let's see 12 first 12 inches on the foot right?
Unknown Speaker 4:58
Yeah, so 12 times three. 61 a guess that what it is now 4320 inches
Unknown Speaker 5:11
4320 Okay, yeah. And then like in that divided by two, oh the mouthwash feel so dumb. I did this calculation like yesterday and like, remember it's the microphone. It makes me nervous. Um, and speaking of 300,000, like you mentioned, that reminds me of whenever we were. So Alyssa is driving a beam a beloved BMW that they have. And it's almost 300,000 miles and it's very old. Yeah, so I felt very dumb. I was like, wow, now, it just really put it into perspective for me
Unknown Speaker
whenever we hit 300,000 we'll have to have a party.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. Um, and also, just to kind of jump back into things from last week's episode. So I started reading a little bit more about Chuck Tingle. Who is the author of some romance novels. So kind of just really short synopsis. So, I mean, obviously, these are like satirical, like, supposed to be funny, edgy kind of novels. Um, so and so I was reading this article from Vox and just to kind of quote what they say, uh, after achieving fame early in his career, for his many books on Bigfoot erotica. So Ted Cruz, is that who was the politician that likes Pickford erotica? No, it can't be Ted Cruz that would be I would see way for me remember
Unknown Speaker 6:56
that's the one they read on Last Podcast right?
Unknown Speaker 6:59
Yeah, I think so. But I can't remember I don't remember who it was either. Fuck.
Unknown Speaker 7:03
Um, but anyway. And the Vice article continues to say tingle enjoyed major viral success was "Pounded in the butt by my own book pounded in the butt" and its follow up "pounded in the butt by my book pounded in the butt by my book"
Unknown Speaker 7:23
Sounds really good. I mean yeah. Not to be confused with its follow up "pounded in the butt by my book pounded in the butt by my book pounded in the butt by my own book"
Unknown Speaker 7:40
I was like okay, I'm gonna follow it, but I didn't
Unknown Speaker 7:45
Since then, he's turned out a steady stream of hilarious ironic titles on every subject conceivable ranging from gay unicorn cat patrols to living chocolate chip cookies to dinosaurs to extensional dread in the concept of linear time. I'm interested in those existential dread ones um, but some of the titles that I wanted to read you it's just three of them and they're not as long as those other ones so the first one is a pharma bro pounded in the butt by T Rex comedian Bill murky in the clan of Triceratops rappers trying to get their album back. So it's like after a what's his name? Whatever. So let's see. I don't know he's a piece of shit. Um, then there's also pounded in the butt by my irrational bigoted fear of humans who were born as unicorns using a human restroom. And then I think this is like my favorite. Like, especially within context of stuff we've talked about before. oppressed in love but by my inclusive holiday coffee cups
Unknown Speaker 8:58
Oh man, that's a throwback to that one. holiday episode Yeah. We're gonna make no Merry Christmas Happy Holidays. Is that what the dough
Unknown Speaker 9:12
was? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 9:14
Merry Christmas. Oh, my.
Unknown Speaker 9:16
No, that's my name. You have to see what I felt like we should insert some kind of like sound effects there
Unknown Speaker 9:31
um, and speaking of vacationing Oh, wait, I'm sorry. vacationing, I was just trying to transition.
Unknown Speaker 9:42
It's okay. We wanted to say hello to our French listen. Hello. I think after us listeners for inches the most and I will cool. I don't know if it's one person or like two. I mean, it's not that many but Yeah, and like Jamie said Then we want to just say Bonjour I took high school French, so I thought I would say some words for you, which I'm sure I'll regret Pomme de Terre is potato. Oh the Earth. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 10:22
it makes us very romantic thing to call a potato.
Unknown Speaker 10:28
And then we have puis de mer does fruit of the sea or seafood?
Unknown Speaker 10:35
Oh, it's like what else? This sounds like a language that would be beloved by Dora. Dora magic guys.
Unknown Speaker 10:49
Whoa. French's romantic like, can be LePew that's kind of how those Fedora guys are.
Unknown Speaker 10:57
Like, my love you are not a potato. You are an apple of the earth.
Unknown Speaker 11:05
See what other words cannot remember. But that's all I have for you French listeners. Potato and seafood.
Unknown Speaker 11:19
Well, I kind of remember or I think I remember how to say french fries. Oh, that's related to potato. Loss. Papa's Fritos. Oh, probably sounded very dumb trying to pronounce it. But if you speak Spanish and want to help me learn Spanish, please help because I'm just using apps right now.
Unknown Speaker 11:42
Man, I'm really disappointed that I forgot the other French words. I know. I mean, granted, I heard it's only like five other words. But
Unknown Speaker 11:53
yeah. Yeah, I started up Spanish again on my app, but I'm just like in the beginner stuff. Like just this is how you say hello to like a group of friends and a group of elderly people you respect or something? So I'm not too too far.
Unknown Speaker 12:14
Oh, speaking of France being far away. That is like a vacation for us. So that reminds me of a vacation story. Yes. This transition I've ever done. Very smooth. My sister and I we booked a trip to fucking Disney late. And I'm so excited. Yeah. So we booked that and then for some reason, we started talking about our cruise that we went on in like, 2018 I think that's probably the last vacation we've been on together. We were trying to see. Cruises are a little white trash. I should go on one. Actually, that would be fun. If we went on one, like
Unknown Speaker 13:10
we're gonna do a nervous laughter podcast crew
Unknown Speaker 13:13
would actually be fun because just the two of us going it was kind of me not boring. But like, I think it would have been better with a couple more people. Oh, cuz both of us were just kind of like,
Unknown Speaker 13:23
Oh, what do you want to do? And I don't know, we just like drink the whole time. Or?
Unknown Speaker 13:27
Oh, we didn't you can get like alcohol packages. Um, but I don't know. It's kind of expensive. For some reason. Let's
Unknown Speaker 13:36
just like synonymous in my head. Like being drunk.
Unknown Speaker 13:41
Or like eating buffets the whole time.
Unknown Speaker 13:44
And I like if we so if we did do a nervous laughter podcast cruise. I feel like everyone would be kind of like avoiding each other just a nice peaceful time. Okay, well, I'll
Unknown Speaker 13:58
drink a bunch of like, hurricanes or pina coladas. And that'll help me like get everybody everybody I was I was thinking to tell this story, but it just popped into my head. So I'm going to go with it.
Unknown Speaker 14:15
On the cruise,
Unknown Speaker 14:17
like my sister and I are hanging out in the pool area. And I think she was going to go take a nap, but I didn't feel like going back to the room. So I just like was sitting in the hot tub. And then these other people came in the hot tub. And then their friends joined and I was just listening to everything they were saying how big was the hot tub because it was a pretty good size. Okay. I mean, it was fine. Okay. So they're talking, and they're like, Oh, we're so and so in the sky. I figured out that's his girlfriend. And he's like, Oh, she's mad. So she's in the room. And anyway, they they started talking about all this stuff. Apparently They we had docked it's not the right word. I don't know but we were like right
Unknown Speaker 15:05
at a port the boat
Unknown Speaker 15:11
Yeah, the boat was parked in parallel we're in like Cozumel or something. And I guess she had diarrhea and the boyfriend of course, like told everybody and everybody was laughing. She
Unknown Speaker 15:29
was like it was in the water, not like in the hot
Unknown Speaker 15:36
diarrhea probably. Well,
Unknown Speaker 15:38
I mean, the thing I'm thinking is like, if there's people around, then like the diarrhea is like floating. Then it's very obvious that you
Unknown Speaker 15:47
just like the water was very clear and pretty there. So just be like, Oops, I
Unknown Speaker 15:52
kicked up some dirt.
Unknown Speaker 15:56
My sister reminded me of this thing that happened. I think we went on the cruise, it was either like late September or early October. And there weren't very many kids, but, um, they kind of had like a Dr. Seuss theme. So the kids that were there, they did like Dr. Seuss. And they were like, oh, there's gonna be like this Dr. Seuss parade. And me and my sister were like, Oh, cool. Like we're gonna go and it was like okay, me in this room. And so we go and it's literally all children Oh, no, there was people dressed up in like, you know, this big costumes like mascot. Oh, yeah, very dressed. My hat and like Thing One and two. And it was like kids activities. How long
Unknown Speaker 16:57
were like fuck. So we just like sat there for a little bit and then they're like hey, like, gave out like little tambourines and stuff.
Unknown Speaker 17:11
Why would they tell you guys about this? Like, if it was for kids?
Unknown Speaker 17:13
I think maybe we were just dumb asses and didn't like. Like, we like Dr. Seuss. Oh, sorry. Well, I think this will answer your questions. Whenever they were like going on the parade. We went the other way. Like, wow.
Unknown Speaker 17:34
Yeah. I used to be scared of those like mascot II. Pretty Korea. Like I remember one time at Chucky Cheese when I was little, like, this was like my only childhood memory of cheese. There was the like, Italian chef guy. And then like he was like, a table over from us. And so I was like, fuck this and I hid under the table because that's fucking scared. And so, either he was like a troll. Totally adult, or thought he could subside my fears and just like stuck his head under the table and was like, okay, me. I mean, he didn't talk but you know
Unknown Speaker 18:23
as well as Spanish and French.
Unknown Speaker 18:27
And Italian, or Italian. I know one time a friend yelled at me. She was like, you don't go to idle Lee. Do you and all like, please don't yell at me. I die. Um, so yeah, that was that was terrifying. Did you have another vacation thing? No, that was it. The
Unknown Speaker 18:49
the Dr. Seuss thing my sister reminded me. Yeah, I just remembered that poop story because that was one of the highlights of the cruise.
Unknown Speaker 18:57
Well, speaking of things that are terrifying. I was in the middle of cooking dinner the other day and someone came to my door. And so I guess if you come to my house unannounced,
Unknown Speaker 19:15
or nightmare, like don't do it.
Unknown Speaker 19:19
Or just like, you give me a very short window heads up. Be prepared to just be like very confused and stuff because the guy came to my door and he was just like, oh, that's a cool purple plant. Yeah. You know, they always tried to like, yeah, start up a conversation about something outside. Yeah. And I was like, purple plant. Because I was just like, what's going on? Like, what are you doing here? What do you want for me? And I'm just like, plant what? Just like it will because we also like I just chopped down like a dead tree for some for some reason. Like my head went to that and I was like, What are you talking about? And then um, he was just like, oh, yeah, the purple plant up there and I was like, I'm Sorry I don't know what it is I don't know what your
Unknown Speaker 20:09
um, and then he said he was there just like collecting stuff for UNICEF or whatever. But I was like, I'm sorry. Like I'm cooking and blah, blah blah. The only thing I could think of was just like how do I really know you're from UNICEF? How do I know? To just come get money because people are feeling vulnerable about this. Um, so yeah, that was it. I it was it was all just such a blur because I was just like, what's going on? And it's funny because usually, that's the first time anyone's talked about a plant. Usually they ask about carboy number one's car. They're like, Oh, that's a cool car. And I'm like, and also I'm like, I don't know what that is. And then yeah, I don't know. I'm so bad at trying to cut it short with those people. So I'm kind of glad I was cooking because I really have to go but then I'm just gonna burn um I said
Unknown Speaker 21:14
something like that one day it was like I hate when people come over unannounced. But like I've said it to carboy number two and like he always comes Yeah, but that's just like we're it's like out in the shop. Like I told him I was like, I don't mean like that like if it was our house so it'd be like, are you Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 21:33
he's really Yeah, neighbor boy.
Unknown Speaker 21:37
I mean, isn't Waldo her although Faldo kind of somebody that like drops in. Yeah, he drops in all the time. Yeah. And like, same with like, Kimmy Gibbler. Oh, yeah. Full house. Yeah, car boy. Number two is the Kimmy Gibbler of her house. I'm sure he'll love me saying.
Unknown Speaker 21:54
I like him a lot better though. Yeah, we don't we don't have any anyone. Like, make it worse. We didn't have any people like that. We lived in Mississippi either. I think we just come off as like, Don't Don't come over here and just I don't know when and whatever. We don't have to get super into it because I have not analyzed that part of my life yet. Um, and also, just another kind of silly thing I saw just like when I was out, I was at a ska band friends concert. They're called Flying raccoon suit. So big shout out to them. Um, so anyway, I went to their show and there was this there was this older couple there. I would say that they were probably in their 50s or something. Um, I'm trying to get better at estimating ages. So I
Unknown Speaker 23:01
don't know how to do it either.
Unknown Speaker 23:02
Don't hold me on that. Um, but anyway, it's not really about their age or anything like that like power to them for like getting out there and like keeping up and doing shit. Um, but they were doing like super sexy
Unknown Speaker 23:21
what do they call that? Oh sweet. Oh going dancing to the scar punk music and they were like taking up quite a bit more they're kind of like in the back behind everybody. But it was like they were
Unknown Speaker 23:41
not really watching anybody that was their their you know, that kind of thing. They're like so zoned into like, they're grinding and like I just felt like a video No, I didn't I thought about it but I was like, man would that be mean if I took a video of it because like I applaud them for doing it but just like that type of dancing to like that kind of music and like not paying attention to the people around you was just donation for like you can video if they're being douchey and I don't think they were being douche is because they weren't like knocking people's dresses or whatever. But people still had the you know, keep like, scoot now the way is you know, it's kind of that thing like why do you keep getting in my way when you clearly see I'm hearing but maybe there why don't you guys get all the way when we're having so much fun.
Unknown Speaker 24:38
I like I'm gonna breathe is gonna like do the rope thing
Unknown Speaker 24:43
like maybe I should have just like, jumped in there and just Yeah, they did. I'm sure they would have loved it. Oh and speaking in of like jumping in between people while dancing. That reminds me so the only bridal shower party thing I went to
Unknown Speaker 25:04
the New Orleans booger trip. Yes.
Unknown Speaker 25:10
Yeah. So it was that. And we went to this one club. I mean, this was all like during the day, but you know, everyone's still partying hard there. But so my friend that was gonna get married, she was dancing. And then the, you know, there's guys kind of like dancing with her off and on because you know, people see like the sash and they're like, Oh, hey, you're getting. Yeah. And you can clearly tell when it's like, oh, I'm vibing with this. And one of the times, like, there was a guy and she was like, clearly not really vibing with it. And so I was like, oh, fuck, like, what do I do? Like, how do I get like, cuz she was she was she obviously like, was not gonna, like push them away or anything. So I was just like, okay, so I was like, hey, and just kind of like, danced him, like away from her. And then like, she loved it. And like her sister loved it. Like, everybody just thought it was hilarious. And I was like, I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.
Unknown Speaker 26:09
That's why we need to handle awkward situations, even if it's just
Unknown Speaker 26:17
I did like, I feel like I have so much influence from Jackass. So like I did party boy people sometimes. So there's that. And one of the times I party Boyd someone, it was at a band marching band.
Unknown Speaker 26:37
But it was funny. So like me and my friend, like went up and start party boy in the sky. And then he was like, Hey, I know you. And I was like, what? And he was like, so and so. And we went to, like, we're in like, fourth grade or whatever together. I was like, oh, yeah, shit, you moved. And he's like, Yeah, I'm actually gonna start going back to your school next year. So like, I was like, Cool. We're gonna be friends and stuff, but like, I don't I guess he didn't like me. I don't know. I thought he was a cool guy, but maybe I just was not in the arena. cool enough for him. But if he's listening now, hello. Hello. Um, and so speaking of Sandler weird bank, people things Yeah. Um, Alyssa reminded me today that I had gotten this message from a sugar daddy on on Instagram.
Unknown Speaker 27:38
Jamie the weirdest shit on Instagram, like the weirdest pervy stuff.
Unknown Speaker 27:43
And it's not like I even like get it all the time. Like, girls talk about like, I'm so tired of getting Dick's in my inbox. And I'm like, I don't I don't have any like, Am I just, maybe my profile picture is just ugly. I don't know. But um, I don't get dicks.
Unknown Speaker 28:01
Me either. I've never gotten an unsolicited dick.
Unknown Speaker 28:05
Oh, have you gotten solicited dicks? No. Um, so the, the, the the message is as follows. I guess I'm not going to read his name.
Unknown Speaker 28:29
A Christian symbol in his bio or that right?
Unknown Speaker 28:32
Yeah, I have. I have a screenshot of his bio that I'm going to go through as well. Should I start with the bio or the message? Bio. Alright. So his bio says being wealthy doesn't define who you are in front of God. Oh. And then it says California with a American flag and construction engineering with a white heart. And then it says really care about people who care for others. Mm hmm. And speaking of caring for others his message as a god, oh, sorry. I'm just like, I don't think I've read it out loud. And it's just like so gross. Okay. Hello, beautiful. You see how natural Hello beautiful. I got to your page while scrolling and I don't know if you're interested in being my sugar baby. Sugar, which you're going to earn a lot weekly. But I'm looking for a baby
Unknown Speaker 29:40
who's willing to be know
Unknown Speaker 29:44
who's willing to be caring, loyal and honest with me. And also keep my company whenever I need her and I'm ready to take good care of you dear. And then it's like an emoji with like the smiling face with hearts all over it. If you are interested, I will be glad if I can get a reply from you, dear. Oh, dear. Whoa. Anyway, so that was gross.
Unknown Speaker 30:16
I respect that. Women can do that. I'm like, yeah, if some rich guy wants to give you a lot of shit like cool. Yeah, for me, I'm like, imagine all the fucking cringe that would go with that, like, I just, there would be a lot like if I
Unknown Speaker 30:32
had to get messages like that all the fucking time you'd have a beautiful pain dear, do you want the the Gucci purse or the Prada purse, my dear. Like, ah, and that kind of reminds me of this one video I saw. I don't know if the story was true or not because like, I just saw it on the internet. And it's one that I just see a lot of times when it's pops up, but it's slow. It's just one of those videos where guys like, hey, like, I'll give you a five bucks if you just tell me like, an embarrassing story or whatever. So one girl was like, this one guy paid me like 1000 but I don't know, it was a shit ton of money to pee on his chest or whatever. So she did it. And then she started a new semester at school and that guy was her professor. Like, I'm just dropping the class. I feel
Unknown Speaker 31:32
like hey, oh, pee on you again for free. If you just like give me an A and I never have to. Yeah, bargaining chip. Really? I mean, yeah, actually. Like, I will never be seeing you again.
Unknown Speaker 31:46
I think sorry. Like Legally Blonde just keeps popping in my head and just keep thinking about how she's like, No, I mean, I would I don't think I would obviously ever do anything like but, you know, um, that's the thing that happens to people. Oh, speaking
Unknown Speaker 32:05
of awkward men, I saw a really cringy thing on TV and I really don't think I'm going to be able to describe it that well, but I will try. Okay. So have you ever watched the show? Love is blind? No. It's fucking shitty. I started watching it one time and carboy number three walked in and was like, Hey, what's this? And he started watching with me. But basically, it's a I think they start out with 15 Guys 15 Girls, and they're in these pods and they can't see each other. Okay, but they talk and the goal is to fucking get married. So that's a leap. Yeah, it's it's a good watch. Just because you can just feel like a good person. You're just like, oh my god, I'm so smart. Like I don't do like this is a major self esteem boost. But they're all in these pods. And they get proposed to and then they get to see each other for the first time. Which isn't ends up being a problem for the guy I'm going to talk about, but so this guy his name, I don't remember what it is. But his nickname is shake and retreat start he wants a girl that he could lift up on his shoulders. That's a way of saying like he wants somebody like skinny Oh, he's like a festival could I like lift you up on my shoulders? Or she wait.
Unknown Speaker 33:40
Wait, because I was like, that's a weirdly specific request to like want to do with pizza. He's trying
Unknown Speaker 33:45
to be like no fatties. Like yeah, this was this the 90s No, this was like last year. Okay, so things
Unknown Speaker 33:53
have changed. Things are really good.
Unknown Speaker 33:58
So he ends up matching up with this girl and he actually asks her that and I think she had lost like 70 pounds or something so I'm surprised she still went with him because let's give her
Unknown Speaker 34:10
a random applause required or anything but she did you know that's a lot of work.
Unknown Speaker 34:16
Yeah. This so they ended up getting engaged and then they see each other well, his pro well if you
Unknown Speaker 34:27
don't want to love is blind spoilers just listening is really gonna give a fuck. So, her name is Deepti that's what it is. With deep tea. Like D PPT. I am probably not saying it. Well. Deepti deep Wait, sorry.
Unknown Speaker 34:50
They call her deep though. Okay, just let's just go super deep and shake. Get they engaged. The whole fuck time he's like, we have this like deep spiritual connection. But like, I'm just not attracted to her. And he talks about this all the fucking time like to everybody just like how they're in love, but he does not want to have sex with her. Oh, yeah, it's really harsh. Whoa, yeah, it's it's really bad. So the thing is, I think they, they meet each other. They go on like a honeymoon. And then they live together in the span of four weeks. And then they go to the altar, and there's like a whole fucking wedding and they have to decide on the spot like, Hey, are you going to get married or not? Oh, okay. So when it's their turn, and they never say like, Oh, I'm gonna say yes or no, it's always like, drama leading up to it, like, well, I just, I don't know what I'm gonna say, when we get to the altar. We get to the altar. And deep is like, I'm sorry, I can't do it. And she just walks away. And we're like, he's such a dick. And most of the time, like, if one of them leaves the other one, the other one just like Gleaves too, because like, it's a really weird situation. But for some reason, he decides to just, like, hang out with everybody. There's a band, and he's just like, hit the music guys. It shows him walking around talking to all these people. And he's like, Yeah, I just think it's for the best. And he's just like, trying to play it off. Like, it's cool.
Unknown Speaker 36:31
Like, at least I got this party.
Unknown Speaker 36:35
It was so fucking cringy I highly recommend it. It's like the last episode that that happens. But yeah, it's just this guy who got left at the altar, and he's trying to play it off and be like, Yeah, it's fine. And like, whatever it was so,
Unknown Speaker 36:48
man, and he was probably like, I'm gonna leave this pitch at the altar. Yeah. And
Unknown Speaker 36:52
then she left here. I was like, Good. I'm glad that she left him because they had like a reunion thing after him. They like made a montage of all these times where he was saying he didn't want
Unknown Speaker 37:04
to hit like, like, whatever. It will look bothered by it
Unknown Speaker 37:09
or no show. Okay? It was really cool. She was just like, Fuck you like you're a shitty person. And then they played the thing about him wanting a girl he could lift on his shoulders. Everybody was like, fuck. What a dick. Oh, yeah. And the hosts are Nicholas Shea from 90 degrees.
Unknown Speaker 37:27
And his wife. Oh, wait, who's his wife now? It's not
Unknown Speaker 37:30
like Vanessa. I think her name is Vanessa. But I don't know. She's like an actress. I don't know who she is.
Unknown Speaker 37:35
Okay. So Mitch, yeah. Um, have you ever seen the dream? The show? I think it's called like, like the ultimate truth or something?
Unknown Speaker 37:48
No,
Unknown Speaker 37:50
it's like this. Show where? Hold on. Let me just look it up real quick. I love shitty reality
Unknown Speaker 37:57
TV. It's like my favorite genre.
Unknown Speaker 38:01
Oh, okay. Oh, sorry. Um, so the show is called moment of truth. And it didn't last that long. If if you want to, I would recommend watching Cody COEs reaction videos to it because it just adds more to it. But um, they it's like a couple's and then one of them has to do like, just answer these questions truthfully. And if they answer truthfully, then they get to like the next level of money. And so it's just like brutal stuff. Like, when you got married? Did you still think about your ex boyfriend? Or did you still meet up with him and have sex with him? And it's just like, like, just levels of brutality that was like, top notch every time and then sometimes it's just stuff that's like, not related to the relationship. Like, did you launder money from your work? Like, this time? It's like, yes. And it's like, Whoa, what the? Damn. Um, oh, sure. Check that out. Yeah, and Cody co also does a interview with the host of the show because his like girlfriend, I guess used to be friends with that guy, son. And so like, they know, Tim, like, it was funny. There was like, they turned it on. She was like, Oh, I know that guy. That's my friends. But he said he felt like really, really bad. Like, during the show because it was like, super shitty. And, like, really fucked up people's lives. But he kind of he was happy like do like a like a favor for somebody, basically. So but yeah, I think it only lasted like a few episodes. So yeah, I'm sorry.
Unknown Speaker 39:58
Oh, yeah. Did you hear them? Sure. You did but about Kim Kardashian being like, nobody wants to fucking work anymore.
Unknown Speaker 40:05
No. I think I saw memes about it. And I was like, Oh, she wants to something went on
Unknown Speaker 40:10
this whole fucking thing and she was like, surround yourself with bitches that want to work and I'm like, fuck you.
Unknown Speaker 40:17
Why you rich asshole? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 40:19
like your dad was OJ Simpson's lawyer. Which Fuck him? Yeah. Oh, Jay is obviously guilty. Yeah. And you made money from that and just like being hot. I mean, she
Unknown Speaker 40:34
made money being hot after she got Oh, yeah. Plastic surgery.
Unknown Speaker 40:40
And her like sex tape thing, but Oh, yeah. Forgot about that, too. Yeah, yeah. Remember who that was with? But yeah, fuck you. And then I saw somebody being like, oh, yeah, we should do a reality show where it's like Kim Kardashian like working at McDonald's and she only has access to that money. Oh, do amazing.
Unknown Speaker 41:00
Didn't um, the simple life. Yeah. Paris Hilton and Nicole. Richie.
Unknown Speaker 41:07
I never actually watched that. I bet it'll be funny to go back and watch now because yeah, early 2000s. Yeah, I'd like
Unknown Speaker 41:15
to go back and watch it. And there's also a reality show to like, be her best friend or something. Do you remember that? I
Unknown Speaker 41:22
vaguely remember that. I never watched it though.
Unknown Speaker 41:26
Um, I will say there's one of my friends showed me some of Paris's more recent, like cooking YouTube videos. And I kind of like him, like
Unknown Speaker 41:36
just like a normal human now. Yeah, she's
Unknown Speaker 41:38
pretty normal. Um, she does, like painting and collages and stuff. And it's all like cute collages. Like a bunch of Hello Kitty stuff. And I didn't know about this either. But apparently, she got like, sent to some, like, kids, like, bad kid
Unknown Speaker 41:58
camp, kind of. Remember hearing her like talk about that? And it
Unknown Speaker 42:02
was like, a little one. The ones where they like kidnap you in the middle of night and like, fuck, that should be illegal abuse and shit like that. Yeah. So yeah, that's that stuff still happens here. I need to research all that stuff and a lot more before I talk a bunch of shit on it. But controversial stance. I'm going to say abusing children is bad.
Unknown Speaker 42:31
It's fucking wild. Like they were just run across different videos on the internet, just that pop up. And it'll be a parent talking about like, oh, yeah, I don't hit my kids. And then the comments are just like, kids need to be fucking. Just like what, like the comments that people leave. They're just like, I got a beat with a belt and I'm fine. I'm just like, so you want to perpetuate it to someone else? Like,
Unknown Speaker 42:56
yeah, I don't. Yeah, and I don't think that that person turned out fine. If they're saying stuff like, yeah. Yeah, big. Yikes. Yeah. I hate when people are just like, Well, my mom beat me with a belt. So whatever. It's like, okay, we can make jokes about it. But yeah, don't don't make that an excuse for other people to do it. You should beat
Unknown Speaker 43:19
your kids with a belt.
Unknown Speaker 43:22
Why doesn't everybody do it? You just come out born with a belt. came home from the hospital over your shoulder. Like they did with
Unknown Speaker 43:37
the baby grows
Unknown Speaker 43:44
with your kid. Um, so speaking of flying raccoon suit earlier? Don't you have a raccoon playing? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 43:57
So my grandpa, He lives alone now. And at first, I was like, This story's gonna sound depressing. But I'll preface it by saying if you wanted to make these repairs, he definitely has the resources. He just doesn't give a fuck. But me and my sister went to visit a while back and there was just like,
Unknown Speaker 44:17
a sound and like a
Unknown Speaker 44:20
scratching and we're like, what's that? And he's like, oh, yeah, I think there's like some raccoons that like kind of got in the overhang of the house and they make some noise and I'm like, What the fuck
Unknown Speaker 44:32
like so like actually like in the house not like the garage or something
Unknown Speaker 44:36
kind of like the the overhang thing of the roof. Like they kind of got like in that. Okay, maybe not like in the actual like the roof over the house. But that little part that comes down, okay. And he's like, Yeah, I need to get somebody out to do something, but he just hasn't for whatever reason. Procrastination runs on our family. I guess I feel that Yeah. And so my sister and I are getting ready to leave. And they look out the window. He's like, look, I think there's a wreck. How, and we see these little eyes peek out of this hole. Oh, and then we see some other eyes and then both of the raccoons tumble out and fall to the ground
Unknown Speaker 45:21
and run away. Like that's what I would do if I got caught it was really funny.
Unknown Speaker 45:31
getting spooked. Mm hmm. Um, yeah, we we don't really have like raccoons or anything that I've noticed. But we do have like a little possum family that lives under our little porch area in the backyard. Um, we haven't had much interaction with them. When we first moved in, we ordered some Jersey Mike's for delivery. And when Brandon went to the door, it was starting to eat my sandwich. Yeah, that's about it. And like, there was a little baby possum that was just like out in the yard. And I was just like, oh my god, where's your mother? And that was because I didn't realize they live like under the deck at that point. The one that ate my sound was just like hanging out. So we left it back there. And I was gonna wait like, till the end of the day before I like, take it somewhere. But we put some cat food out. And then maybe you 30 minutes later the mom came out. And she had all the little babies like, attached your tummy I've ever seen. Yeah, it was so cute. Um, but yeah, and we we just saw her again. The other night. I thought that they had moved away, you know, packed up their little possum suitcases in their little possum car and went to a new house. Um, but yeah, I saw the mom crossover the porch the other night like the light came on and I always poke out there when I see the light come on just like hoping hoping it's them and they're still here, so maybe they keep
Unknown Speaker 47:12
away other things like mice and rats. Maybe their enemies. I have no idea if that's true. Probably not. But
Unknown Speaker 47:19
oh yeah, maybe this other like this is my turf. Like um, luckily we've never had any like issues whenever I've liked the The cats out of the yard with them. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 47:31
I wonder if they would be scared of. I mean, I guess so.
Unknown Speaker 47:34
Yeah, I yeah, I think the possums would be scared, but I think also I think Diablo would get really scared. Oh. I think Aerith would fuck him to like play with me. One time there was a cat that a neighborhood cat that like jumped in the backyard when I was out there with them. And yeah, Diablo just I've never seen him that poofy before. And I was just like getting the house boys and it wasn't bad because like that cat got scared and left but I think it likes one of them got scared and like sprayed whether pheromones cuz it like smelled weird. And then when I got them inside, I went and pulled them carboy number one we looked out the window. And that cat was just like pissing in the front yard like pounded on the window to scare him away because he was like yeah, we don't want them like you know, marking the Aryan stuff. Man yesterday
Unknown Speaker 48:41
I saw that we have some fucking wasps back again like oh already great.
Unknown Speaker 48:48
Oh, I gotta keep an eye out to make sure that we're we don't
Unknown Speaker 48:52
get assholes. One of our lawn chairs got like blown over in the wind and I went to pick it up and there was one like on the arm of the chair.
Unknown Speaker 49:01
No, have you found any nest yet? Or was that the nest on the
Unknown Speaker 49:06
think it was the nest because it was only the one you know usually a fuck time I won't fly out but scary. And also I never took care of that huge ant pile but
Unknown Speaker 49:17
I'm gonna build a new mailbox now.
Unknown Speaker 49:20
I should I stepped in it yesterday for the first time. Again, wearing the same curse shoes.
Unknown Speaker 49:29
Yeah, I'll bring some like poison over next time I come over and just do it.
Unknown Speaker 49:35
It's stupid, but like, I kind of feel bad. I'm just like, I don't want to kill like another thing.
Unknown Speaker 49:41
I understand that too. Because I kind of get like that and sometimes too, like, cuz I like to let bugs that are in my house out of the house. Sometimes if it's like a spider that I'm scared of like, I know that I just like went on a I love spiders thing on the last one. But yeah, if it's something Yeah, if it's something I feel like going to endanger my, my pets or my husband. I'm just like, I'm really sorry, but it's you or me. Yeah, you're me, pal. And one time. Uh, oh, yeah, let me tell you where my like I'm vacuuming. wasps and bees began, I guess.
Unknown Speaker 50:22
Last year wasn't the first time now. She just thought about
Unknown Speaker 50:30
So one time, at our old apartment, we were on the third floor, and there was like a tree that was like, right, right there. And we had these little doors that would open onto a porch. It wasn't a big fancy thing. It was like a
Unknown Speaker 50:46
little patio. Remember,
Unknown Speaker 50:47
they call it like a Juliet, porch or like a, like a Romeo and Juliet kind of thing, because it's just like a little step. But anyway, um, I would keep those doors open because Diablo fucking loved laying out there. So I'd like them just come and go. But with the tree right there. didn't really think about it. We got like, four or five bees in the house. And carboy number one was still at work. And I was just like, Oh my God, what do I do? What I do what I do, what do I do? Um, so I closed that door because I didn't want them to get into the rest of the house. I'm smart. And I just made myself with a vacuum cleaner and just fucking fucking win at them. Because I was like, alright, well, he's not going to be home for a while and like I can't like let them sting my boys. Yeah. So yep, I feel
Unknown Speaker 51:44
about Wasp stew might fuck him. I don't feel bad about that. Yeah, just like flew around and didn't do anything. I would be fine. But
Unknown Speaker 51:54
did I tell my getting stung by a wasp? On my knees story before?
Unknown Speaker 51:58
Is this where you had on the khaki pants? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 52:01
it worked. And we had to pull over. Hold that. Okay. Okay. So fuck wasps. Yeah. They're assholes. And speaking of assholes, you're an asshole if you don't follow our Instagram.
Unknown Speaker 52:16
Oh, yes, that's true. good segue. Thank you. Nervous laughter podcast. Yeah, sometimes we do polls, like about if you'll share toothbrushes.
Unknown Speaker 52:27
Yes, please. Did we get the results on that? I forgot. Actually, I
Unknown Speaker 52:32
guess I could go back and look at them. But the vast majority did not want to share toothbrush.
Unknown Speaker 52:37
Okay, good. Yeah, actually, I think I remember you saw or you posted the results of it. And it was very small. I remember I was like, Who the fuck was that? And they probably did it as a joke.
Unknown Speaker 52:49
Yeah, it was a lot smaller than I thought because I don't know. I feel like some people are just very toothbrush shares but not as many as I thought.
Unknown Speaker 53:01
Yeah, we might need to do like a whole expansion on that because I was hanging out with Mike the other day if you haven't listened to Episode 19 where he guessed go give that a listen. But he was telling me that Mythbusters did a thing where they actually put it like you know they put them in different places different orientations. And I think even like down the hall from the bathroom and stuff like that all of them had thinkable metal mela fake a little sprinkle move thinkable matter traces.
Unknown Speaker 53:39
That's horrifying. I honestly, I don't want to know nothing. Yeah, my toilet and shower is in a separate room. So I always have the door closed and then the sink and stuff is right outside of there. So I'd like to think that there's not poop on my toothbrush, but it sounds like there probably is anyway, which
Unknown Speaker 53:57
fucking matter what you try to do that just came out. It's beautiful. Thank you. Um, yeah, so I might research that a little more. More. Maybe. Talk about that again. Yeah, we don't want
Unknown Speaker 54:22
you fat heads to have poop mouse.
Unknown Speaker 54:24
It makes me want to like also, I'm sure there's a product out there that like probably like cleans your toothbrush before you use it or something. So I don't know. We'll look at that. But I mean, doesn't the FDA like approve a certain amount of like, rat poop to be in stuff? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 54:42
like roaches and yeah, me and stuff. Yeah, so it might even just be
Unknown Speaker 54:46
like, not human poop. So there's yeah, there's that um, so yeah, all that to say follow us on Instagram. We also will post on their like, if we think of like topics for that we want to cover and ask you guys for to write in stories,
Unknown Speaker 55:07
or if you have a topic or story. Yes, no. Yeah. And that's a mullet picture.
Unknown Speaker 55:11
Yes. Oh yeah. And Mike sent us some childhood pictures, but we'll cover that next time. So look, look forward to that. Um, so yeah, send us any of your stories. Please. I feel like I sound desperate.
Unknown Speaker 55:28
Please write
Unknown Speaker 55:28
us in some more
Unknown Speaker 55:32
stories. You can try to think of some more words to say in French.
Unknown Speaker 55:37
Oh, yes. Or write us in your favorite French words. Um, and or, you know, your weirdest like, I went to France, but I got my a pad instead of a napkin. Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, so there's that. There's also the the free stickers that we're still
Unknown Speaker 56:00
rolling it out if you will even send them to France. Yep. And we're wherever we're really. And we do have
Unknown Speaker 56:06
our footprints
Unknown Speaker 56:10
that Jamie's news on the refrigerator. It looks great.
Unknown Speaker 56:14
Thank you. Thank you. Um, so yeah, so maybe someone will get that. Um, and if you're interested in merch, let us know. We've been kind of like getting some merch ideas back and forth. But I'm actually a huge fan of so if anyone would be interested in merch. Lovely. That'd be really cool. So yeah. Keep on listening fat heads. And Bardi on. Party on there. What's the Wayne's World thing again? How am I forgetting it? Did Lily nananananana know that Sanders burski
Unknown Speaker 56:50
Dammit Henry's a broski. job doing that. It's confusing.
Unknown Speaker 56:55
Write us in Come on. Please. Love you. Um, but alright. Party on fat. Test test test test test test test. Kids clothes
Unknown Speaker 57:17
are too flashy. So I go to the American Girl doll store. It looks like someone took the slow train from Philly. Which is code for look. Remember what did she say that's
Unknown Speaker 57:36
a slutty color like green or orange. Okay, let's see how it sounds.