It’s a wing-a-sode! Just a random mish-mash of stuff.
It’s a wing-a-sode! Just a random mish-mash of stuff - from Alyssa reciting Wings and Pizza by the lovely Lardy B. to learning about poop knives!
Write us some of your cringe stories at nervouslaughterpodcast@gmail.com
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Unknown Speaker 0:00
me and car boy number one we're hanging out this morning and he made up a song kind of goes and I would walk 300,000 miles
Unknown Speaker 0:42
I can't remember how it came up. Um, oh yeah, we're getting he was getting some measurements for something. And the, the gap I gave him was between like, oh, four and a quarter and six inches and it's like it really needs to be a lot more precise.
Unknown Speaker 1:02
Like it's somewhere between five inches and 17 inches.
Unknown Speaker 1:08
It's somewhere between one mouthwash cup and 10. Welcome to nervous laughter Podcast. I'm Jamie.
Unknown Speaker 1:18
I'm Alyssa.
Unknown Speaker 1:19
And we're your host of the show.
Unknown Speaker 1:25
We're winging it today.
Unknown Speaker 1:27
Wingasode.
Unknown Speaker 1:29
chicken wings on a pizza or whatever that song was.
Unknown Speaker 1:33
I don't think I know though.
Unknown Speaker 1:36
yeah, it's a song somewhere. Let me see if I can find it real quick.
Unknown Speaker 1:44
Is it a kid show?
Unknown Speaker 1:48
Honestly, I have no fucking clue.
Unknown Speaker 1:50
Oh my god. You know what that reminds me of? Have you heard the Kidz Bop version of WAP? so Fucking stupid.
Unknown Speaker 2:05
Why would you even try to make that a kidz Bop.
Unknown Speaker 2:08
I saw a rendition artwork piece that said there's some spores in this house and had mushrooms.
Unknown Speaker 2:15
Nice cute. Dude, I got to
Unknown Speaker 2:23
Am I saying the wrong thing?
Unknown Speaker 2:24
Oh, no, it's um, yeah, it's Cardi B
Unknown Speaker 2:27
Okay. I gotta share. Whoa, is it Yeah, I think it's her and Megan Thee Stallion.
Unknown Speaker 2:34
But I gotta shirt that has them on it.
I need to wear it. It's purple.
Unknown Speaker 2:38
And it has like, you know when they're in that weird room was like the spirally stuff. Yeah, it has like that stuff on it and it says WAP on it. Nice on it though. Oh, wings and pizza near me. No, you want kidz Bop lyrics. So the artist is Lardi B
Unknown Speaker 2:57
Put the rolls in my mouth Put the rolls in my mouth. I said you know I like to eat 11 days a week. Wings and pizza get that crust with extra cheese!
Unknown Speaker 3:16
Like a weird Al parody.
Unknown Speaker 3:19
Yeah, we see soon on some wings and pizza. I'm so hungry. I can't stop, bring that wings. Pizza. Give me all the ranch you got Bo that wings and pizza. Pizza Hut is a piece of art. Extra Large click add to cart. Eat Parmesan. red pepper flakes got me sweatin hard so hot make me cry. Deb 'o the Reaper, lemon pepper fry I paid cash my card was declined
Unknown Speaker 4:03
but don't you hate that when that happens with online order the bank
Unknown Speaker 4:08
that button to watch it rise. I don't know what that means. Bigger the cake the bigger the size.
Unknown Speaker 4:15
Like a bundt cake,
Unknown Speaker 4:16
I guess. Yeah, but it's like capitalized. Oh, it's like bake that bundt with a capital B I'm gonna bounce these big mac buns right in the back of my yard I'm a scream for ice cream out in public make a scene. I got books but I don't read better believe I don't have to eat oh my god so much more. Well, there's like two more verses would you like me to read them?
Unknown Speaker 4:51
um sure
Unknown Speaker 4:55
this is not the turn. I expected this to take
Unknown Speaker 5:00
combo copyin pepperoni topping it better say John when you say who the Papa is
Unknown Speaker 5:08
Papa bless
Unknown Speaker 5:11
whole Trump piece was ranch need a lot of it I lost the beat a driver got a 50 change he got a pocket it pick up the phone try to be cookin oh man I'm so white until I'm fucking flex any chan you know I'm looking probably dinner plans in your brain. Ah put in my mind came and then there's the wings and pizza. Chorus. Listen, pizza. Listen, I'm a double dipper finger liquor. I keep it all down because I ain't a quitter.
Unknown Speaker 5:52
Oh, ah, sounds weird.
Unknown Speaker 5:55
Oh, yeah. Oh, don't do that children. Don't need a steak and shake. I need a prime rib with some king crab and a big old bib. Oh, take me to buches call it a date. Give me some fudge and above a cute plate.
Unknown Speaker 6:14
They reppin all the states. Mm hmm.
Unknown Speaker 6:18
I made a career off smearing some cake. Oh, that's looks like a weird sex thing. Yeah. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 6:25
Oh, wait.
Unknown Speaker 6:27
That's talking about titties. So what? Oh, this is a...fuck. This is a parody. Oh, not the kidz bop. Shit. I don't think it's that much different though. Oh, god damn it.
Unknown Speaker 6:46
Well, I match with my pizza wings. Pizza wings.
Unknown Speaker 6:49
thing so yeah, lordy. Lardi B's was a little better. Fuck them kids. I think it's,
Unknown Speaker 6:59
there's some doors in this house. The first is that that's the kidz Bop one.
Unknown Speaker 7:05
Who was my house when I was growing up and be like, slam some doors on this house.
Unknown Speaker 7:12
Well, that's kind of disappointing. There's a lot of misinformation on
Unknown Speaker 7:18
wings and pizza
Unknown Speaker 7:19
out there. So be careful.
Unknown Speaker 7:23
Um, there was a I meant to talk to you about this last week, but I forgot about it. Um, I got this really weird voicemail. Oh, let me play it for you. And then I'll tell you the little other stuff. Okay, I hope you can hear this. Wait, no, wait, no, I swear there's another one because like he kind of like mumbled some weird shit. Oh, here it is. Sorry. So he's called me twice and left a voicemail I guess. And it also has like a voice or the it's like the voicemail so I'll read that real quick. It's not like um I don't know how I hear it is but it says God damn tell me when you call God damn call don't call back i don't know i have blocked this number now.
Unknown Speaker 8:15
Don't call back here. And don't COVID idiot
Unknown Speaker 8:22
I don't know. The number is not like too far off from mine. So I don't know if I just like if I did accidentally call him like trying to call my voicemail or something. But he's called me twice. He's trying to do me twice. Do I do is like FaceTime, but like, Google?
Unknown Speaker 8:40
That's creepy or
Unknown Speaker 8:43
blocked my friend got like a do miss do I was like, fuck this guy. What the fuck?
Unknown Speaker 8:48
Maybe he's the fan. Oh, I
Unknown Speaker 8:50
hope not. That's like a real like, boomhauer
Unknown Speaker 8:59
I've been watching a lot of the King of King of the Hill lately is so fucking funny.
Unknown Speaker 9:03
Yeah, um, I watched that episode of it the other day. I think I'm gonna cycle back to watching it but we're kind of finishing up rewatching family matters right now.
Unknown Speaker 9:17
That's the one with the guy that ended. Oh, family matters. Okay. I was thinking of the one we're like Suzanne Somers was on it. And then there was that one guy and he ended up like beating his wife. Piece of shit. What was that one? Ah, I can see like the picture. Like a roller coaster and the opening. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 9:40
Was it like is that like family ties or something?
Unknown Speaker 9:42
I don't remember what it's called. Suzanne Somers. Um, let's see step by step. Step by step. Yep.
Unknown Speaker 9:55
That true. Family Matters. Sounds like a good one to watch. I remember Carl being like kind of gruff and mean is he actually like that? Or am I just
Unknown Speaker 10:05
like in the show? Yeah. Sometimes Yeah. Because especially in the later seasons. Because Steve will like come in and be like, Hey, guy. You can't put her there because there's geysers and the my laundry list because buyers need like, Steve, do me alone. I'm the boss out here. I'm a big guy, blah, blah, blah. You can't tell me what to do. And then of course, all the stuff Steve warned him about happens. And then there's like an apology thing. And he always has a problem saying sorry. Typical thing, but yeah, so he has kind of a deuce in the show sometimes. Yes. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 10:45
I haven't watched it forever. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 10:48
I gotta say, I sometimes I feel like I can relate to Urkel coming to a scene and just like trip over stuff and knock stuff over make a joke and then like, laugh at themselves, but I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm
Unknown Speaker 11:07
amazing. I'm sure I'll relate to him too.
Unknown Speaker 11:13
And he says this thing a couple times that I really like. Because it just talks about like, those big talking about, like not sharing your feelings or like crying on the inside and then he's just like, well, if I did that, I'd get rolly.
Unknown Speaker 11:34
Um, there was a
Unknown Speaker 11:35
couple things I wanted to mention to you today. Outside of that voicemail, Oh, yeah. So I went to went to the hair salon on Friday. Oh, I'm in railing told me the story. She said she'll probably tell it to you tomorrow. But she said that she was just like coming out from the back and you're walking towards the front of the store and there's a trash that trashcan like right out from the store. And there was a guy just pissing into the trash can pants all the way down facing the store and like everyone was just like, What the fuck he pulls up his diaper pants and proceeds to go about his day
Unknown Speaker 12:24
did anybody do anything? They just watched it no she
Unknown Speaker 12:27
thought that it was just like happening and cops like he was already gonna meet you because that time they got there and stuff and so there was just like stunned moment and kind of just moved on but like she said like he was just kind of like a normal seeming. Oh, wow. I to older guy but like
Unknown Speaker 12:50
yeah, so that happened. I felt like
Unknown Speaker 12:56
I wouldn't be able to look away from
Unknown Speaker 12:57
it. Staring
Unknown Speaker 12:59
like I just be in shock.
Unknown Speaker 13:01
That would be staring for sure. That reminds me of a thing that I have my on my list of things to talk about.
Unknown Speaker 13:10
What a Georgia's friends they're a little bit older,
Unknown Speaker 13:15
maybe like our parents age or so. His girlfriend is a
Unknown Speaker 13:20
flight attendant. And
Unknown Speaker 13:24
there was a guy jerking off on the plane. Like along herbal essences. Pretty much and everybody was like oh, like what do we do? Like we gotta go say something to him. And she's like this tiny little lady but she's very like just matter of fact and like no bullshit. walks up to him and she's like,
Unknown Speaker 13:49
Hey, cut that out right now
Unknown Speaker 13:54
scared the guy who's like oh right now Oh, God, I wouldn't deal with that. Man please stop doing weird shit. Here Peters in public
Unknown Speaker 14:12
waiting room that you at the blood thing. Right. But you worked
Unknown Speaker 14:16
on Oh my god. Yeah, it's a Pfizer Center. He didn't like church. Yeah, he didn't like take his dick out. But he was like, definitely fondling him so that guy I think he had like schizophrenia or something past I guess question mark and so really looking for me off? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 14:41
yeah. Did anyone ever like hit on you when you work there?
Unknown Speaker 14:45
Yeah, there are some nasty fucking guys like, whenever I first started there, I mean, I wore my hair in a ponytail because I was getting shit done but I would wear makeup and stuff. And guys were so creepy. I just fucking stopped. I was like, Nope, I I'm not gonna, like make an attempt to because it's gonna be met with people being fuckin weird.
Unknown Speaker 15:05
What kind of stuff would they say?
Unknown Speaker 15:07
I don't even remember like, one time I dressed up as a ventriloquist dummy on Halloween. It was really a costume because I just like painted the little lines. Okay, first of all, not a lot of people knew what that was. And I had my hair in pigtails and you know, the makeup and stuff.
Unknown Speaker 15:30
And this guy was like, oh, sexy. Are
Unknown Speaker 15:33
you like Harley Quinn?
Unknown Speaker 15:37
Hardly.
Unknown Speaker 15:39
No, it's like, no, I'm a ventriloquist dummy. And he's like, what's that? It was like, is everybody in this room? Fucking ad is no
Unknown Speaker 15:47
one watched fucking goosebumps.
Unknown Speaker 15:53
Dummies name Slappy? Yes. What was the first goosebump book I read?
Unknown Speaker 15:59
I think the first one I read was the one with like, BM plant basement, saying, Oh, and there was like a plant monster thing that the dad was growing in the basement or became the plant monster Emmylou. Um, I, I think the only time I really remember getting hit on like, I got hit on a few times working retail. Um, the one I remember the most was when I worked at Lowe's and this guy was walking by. And then he was like, Oh, I had to do a double take. Like okay, please go away. I'm trying to organize a product on shelf
Unknown Speaker 16:45
thing. It's like, I'm fucking working. Like, don't talk to me unless you have to. Yeah. And now I'm like, Oh, my God, and making it sound like you got hit on all the time. No, I didn't say that. But like, on the rare occasion that it did happen. It's like, fuck up.
Unknown Speaker 17:01
It's so annoying. It sticks out in your brain. Oh, yeah. And, um, I think I remember telling you about this one guy that hit on me. When I was in community college. I was like, 18. And he was like, awareness, adult cop, man and stuff. Um, yeah. So he got arrested for having a sexual relations with a underage girl a couple years ago. I just found out and I was
Unknown Speaker 17:27
like, oh my god, is that the Spider
Unknown Speaker 17:30
Man? Spider Man Tattoo Guy. Just share the story with the podcast. I was I had the Spider Man shirt on because I used to, like being like comics and stuff. And it was like the first day of this one class. I was leaving. And then he kind of like, cut me off like leaving the classroom. He was like, Hey, I like your shirt. And I was like, thanks. And then he was just like, uh, you know, I like spider man two and stuff. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then he like unbuttoned a shirt and like, showed me his spider man tattoo. And it was like, Spider Man suit and his skin like peeling off to reveal it. And I was like, Cool.
Unknown Speaker 18:14
Was it at least well done.
Unknown Speaker 18:17
Yeah, it was like it was all black and white. Like, it wasn't like colored or anything. And also when I was leaving the hair shop Oh, God, I did such a I'm that dumb bitch moment. So I was parked and just I guess somehow totally forgot that it had the parking
Unknown Speaker 18:42
like cool. Just pull straight through because there's no car like, just before I did that a group of guys walk out of like
Unknown Speaker 18:54
the guys I'm just like, kind of going over the thing. I didn't go all the way. Like I caught it. Like, one time I was like, oh God just play it off. Like you didn't do anything put it in reverse and got out of there. And then I called car boy number one. And I was like, this my car gonna explode. I was like, um, first I asked if I if he wanted anything for lunch to pick up on the way home and then I was like, I probably shouldn't tell you this because you're gonna make fun of me. But this happened he was like, wow, wow. Wow, you see why? Drive like riding with you is terrifying. Like jokingly Of course. I was like, Yeah, I knew I should just hold you.
Unknown Speaker 19:39
I think I've
Unknown Speaker 19:39
driven car boy number three, like less than five times what I mean, like, he's never He just always drives and then I was like, Oh cool. Like, this is how it is. I'm never gonna fucking offer ever
Unknown Speaker 19:58
nice Yeah, that's like, the only thing we argue about
Unknown Speaker 20:04
is really not much else. I mean, of course, there's the occasional quarrel over something that's not a big deal. But, uh, but that's kind of like our main thing that's like god damn it. Because the I guess we both just hate driving, but he, oh, you're driving his car on the track.
Unknown Speaker 20:26
I don't know. Maybe he just wants to make sure I'm a independent woman.
Unknown Speaker 20:32
One of the times that I drove car boy number three, he had his wisdom teeth out blue. Yeah. And he was like, I could drive us home and I was like, shut the fuck up. And he was like, I'll show you that I can. Like driving. And he's like, pretend driving. He's like, okay, now I would make a left and I would do this. And I was like, you fucking forgot your turn signal.
Unknown Speaker 21:03
Oh, my God. That's funny. That looks like what he does when he gets dry. What a nerd. What's the nerdiest thing you've ever done when you're drunk?
Unknown Speaker 21:17
nerdiest thing or doing?
Unknown Speaker 21:19
You know, dorkiest? Or kicking people?
Unknown Speaker 21:23
Minor, just like, obnoxious.
Unknown Speaker 21:26
Um I can't think of anything. Do you have one?
Unknown Speaker 21:33
Yeah, I wanted to do a differential equation to solve some math problems. Let's do it. Up on my phone and on board. Now, I mean, I don't think I really like was like, hey, everybody else do differential equations. Do this. I was sitting on my phone. And then this one chick came over. It's like, what are you doing? I was like differential equations. She was like, wow, nurse. I mean, she didn't say that. Of course. Like, oh, head Pat. Kind of
Unknown Speaker 22:18
something like that kind of happened to me actually, kind of recently. My friend, Nick, if you're listening. Hi, Nick. Hi, Nick. He was talking about
Unknown Speaker 22:30
fuck now, I
Unknown Speaker 22:31
can't remember what it was. It was something that it was like a conversation we had started at the gym. And then we're at a party. And he was like, oh, yeah, let's like, talk about physics. explaining all this stuff. And we're talking about like black holes. Oh, I remember what it was. It was um, like, This astronaut was talking about how he was like, seven minutes older or something because of the space travel. And I was like, I don't understand. Sorry, talking about that. And I kind of understood, but I don't know. I feel like 50% Understood 50% In Oh, time is so weird. To me.
Unknown Speaker 23:12
It is. I'm not gonna try to explain it because like, I'm not a dummy. And
Unknown Speaker 23:19
that's fine. Ultimate put on the spot.
Unknown Speaker 23:21
Well, maybe we can have some physics friends come on and explain stuff to us. Like, they're like, I understand some stuff. Like I did a lot of physics in high school, and summon a little bit in college.
Unknown Speaker 23:33
Um, science is cool. I like more of the
Unknown Speaker 23:40
biology, but we'll see. And that's awesome. Cuz like, I'm, I'm a fucking biology idiot. And it's crazy to me. Because like, I feel like I'll read something. I'm like, Cool. I understand that. And I hear people have a conversation about it. And I'm like, the nucleus is the powerhouse What is your favorite biology thing?
Unknown Speaker 24:04
Um, I don't know. Life.
Unknown Speaker 24:15
Like, I'm gonna say the wrong thing. And somebody is gonna be like, That's not biology.
Unknown Speaker 24:22
That's this category of biology. Let's see. That's why I declined to try to explain any. I swore I understood it at one point, even if it was for five minutes, or I just thought I did or didn't understand it at all. So
Unknown Speaker 24:41
that's what Google's for. That's true.
Unknown Speaker 24:43
Oh, I have a weird thing to tell you about that happened last week. Um, the thing I text you about, okay. So, earlier in the day, I was driving our truck and I drove it, drove it.
Unknown Speaker 24:58
I drove it through the through Through the
Unknown Speaker 25:01
OR gate.
Unknown Speaker 25:03
And it's like one of those gates where it has like a wide part, but then there's like the little kind of smaller part next to it. So you can open both up and it'd be really wide or just one of them and like a car can go through. So it's driving. And with the one side open, it's really narrow. So here on in the day, this guy came to buy parts, he left, whatever. And carboy number three was like, somebody fucked up the gate. And I was like, Oh, my God, was it me? Like, I drove through there earlier? Like, I didn't feel like hitting it. I was like, could have done it. And he was like, No, this is really fucked up. And I'll have to have him send me the picture. But it was like the little post that holds it into the ground. Like you, you know, lift it up, and then you can open the gate. I think it was hit and instead of being straight, it was like this. Whoa. And the part that was in the ground got like, moved. So the dirt was like, all pushed around. He's like, I can't think of anybody else that's been like through the yard, like cardboard number two? No, it was the guy that came to buy parts. Oh, and so he sent him a text and he was like, Hey, man, did you hit my gate? And the guy was like, oh, yeah, my bad. I kind of like hit it a little bit on the way out and I forgot to some reason I was just like, cringing so hard. It was just like such bad secondhand embarrassment, because he did a pretty good got out and looked, but I couldn't see any problem. Liar like having the worst secondhand embarrassment ever. And he was supposed to come back to get some more parts and carboy number three was like, I will not be answering his call.
Unknown Speaker 27:07
You gonna ask him to like, any money to repair it or anything? Well, he
Unknown Speaker 27:12
was able to take the little pole thing and like, beat it back straight. Uh huh. So it's like, pretty much fixed. And the guy was like, I can offer to fix it. And he was like, I already fixed it.
Unknown Speaker 27:27
Don't want to deal with you again.
Unknown Speaker 27:30
He even put a thing on his Instagram story. And it was a picture of the fucked up thing. And it was like, hit and run and
Unknown Speaker 27:41
no, I didn't see it. But does that guy have Instagram?
Unknown Speaker 27:45
Like, does he follow you on Instagram? He's like, Yeah, I gave him a car. That guy's car is usually me that's like, fuck people like blah, blah, blah. And he's like, no, like, it's fine. But I was like, oh, good for you. Yeah. Tag him in it.
Unknown Speaker 28:11
That guy, don't invite him to your house. Have a few more things, but they're not really like, they're just articles I came across kinda like this week. Would you like to hear about Shermer? Okay.
Unknown Speaker 28:26
Um, let me pull it up real quick.
Unknown Speaker 28:29
Okay, so this happened. This is from January 28 2022. From box 66. An Alabama man who was arrested in 2019 for allegedly keeping in training in attack squirrel by giving it meth and femme amphetamine. Oh
Unknown Speaker 28:51
damn, that's crazy. Yeah. See a squirrel on meth do I can't like
Unknown Speaker 28:58
I saw a video of it. Here Maria. It's just kind of like jumping all over the cage.
Unknown Speaker 29:04
Oh God.
Unknown Speaker 29:06
He was originally arrested in June 2019 and charged with possession of wild possession of a wild animals stolen property in possession of weapon by a felon. Police alleged he gave the squirrel which he named Deez Nuts. No meth, so it would be more aggressive and attack intruders. The squirrel gained national fame when articles about his arrest for surface. Um, so they encountered the squirrel. And you know that's and then like, I was like, Oh, I never gave it meth. But you know, they quickly figured out that he did and you know, he got charged for that. Let's see. Here's
Unknown Speaker 29:48
the video.
Unknown Speaker 29:51
How did he know that? It wouldn't just freak out and attack him.
Unknown Speaker 29:56
I don't know. Maybe he trained it to like love him somehow. Okay, that
Unknown Speaker 30:02
looks like a guy that would have a mess tattooed over his eyebrow. I can't tell what it says. man
Unknown Speaker 30:16
convicted by the way to pay between 250 to $500 in fines and jail time as well.
Unknown Speaker 30:27
If it was ethical squirrel
Unknown Speaker 30:30
money of course it happened in Alabama. Um, and then I found this older article, I think from 2019 Let me see. Oh 2021 I'll read you the the title. So this is from the Huffington Post. Camel beauty contest rocked by Botox scandal.
Unknown Speaker 30:51
Caramel. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 30:54
So I guess
Unknown Speaker 30:57
it says
Unknown Speaker 30:59
so this is a case from the United Arab. Okay, wait,
Unknown Speaker 31:02
hold on.
Unknown Speaker 31:03
I'll just read this.
Unknown Speaker 31:05
Emirates Yes. I don't know if it's ever it's but it could be Emirates.
Unknown Speaker 31:16
Saudi authorities have conducted their biggest ever crackdown on camo beauty contestants that received Botox injections, and other artificial touch ups. The state run Saudi Press Agency reported Wednesday with over 40 camels disqualified from the annual pageant. So there's 66 million in prize money. Jurors decide the winner based on the shape of the camels heads next humps, dress and postures. It's it's
Unknown Speaker 31:47
it's lovely camel.
Unknown Speaker 31:50
And I guess the dress is just like can we really put like a little shawl on it or something? Um, this year, authorities discovered dozens of breeders had stretched out the lips and noses of camels use hormones to boost their beasts muscle to boost the beast muscles, injected camels heads and to lips with Botox to make them bigger, inflated body parts with rubber bands and used fillers to relax their faces down. So people Yeah, the camel beauty contest scene is pretty brutal. I would not have imagined.
Unknown Speaker 32:31
Yeah, I didn't know that was the thing. Yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 32:34
can't wait for vice to do an article on it. I hope they do. I love Vysa videos.
Unknown Speaker 32:40
Just picture the camels with bright pink lipstick. Eyelash extensions. In the like. I have another random thing that I've been thinking about.
Unknown Speaker 32:56
When a car boy Number three's old co workers who would sit in the break room and he would watch videos on his phone of women in bikinis fishing. No. And I just thought that was really weird. Like, don't talk to me. I'm watching my videos. Like I'm on my break watching girls in bikinis fish. I'm
Unknown Speaker 33:22
like, okay, um, maybe they're expert finishers. But it just feels weird. Yeah, that those Now that does feel kind of weird.
Unknown Speaker 33:37
Like, if I had a male coworker doing that. I would definitely keep my distance.
Unknown Speaker 33:43
Yeah, when I worked at Lowe's, there's this one guy. He was like I don't know I guess like janitor and stuff. You would just like take care of all that stuff. And just like other shit people didn't want to do and like a majority of the cart, parking lot gathering. Um, so I did not see this but I heard people complain about it. Dude would show like, straight up watch porn in the fucking break room. Like, I think he had headphones on because I've seen him with his little like, DVD player or whatever. Like with headphones on before. Um, but yeah,
Unknown Speaker 34:22
so god damn crazy. Fire that motherfucker.
Unknown Speaker 34:29
I can't remember how long you work there for if he got like fired immediately after that or what but he does a really fucking creepy guy
Unknown Speaker 34:39
in general.
Unknown Speaker 34:40
Oh, yeah. I did a quick search to see if
Unknown Speaker 34:45
that was like a thing that people
Unknown Speaker 34:51
were into. Oh, just like watching stuff
Unknown Speaker 34:53
like that. Yeah, like bikini fishing videos and there's two YouTube people that are pretty big into it. They, they have like a pretty big following. And then I found this place called bikini cruises. And I was like, Oh, she because the picture was all these ladies in bikinis. And he thought maybe you could go out with them and like on the boat. Oh, gotcha. But I think it was false advertising because there's just a picture just pictures like weird looking dudes with fish. So oh, I think they just use it as clickbait. Yeah. But the tagline for bikini cruises is we catch anything that's wet. Oh yeah. Our offshore trips or wild
Unknown Speaker 35:40
Girls Gone Wild. Girls boiled.
Unknown Speaker 35:44
I always get that song stuck in my head from the office when Michael was a day when his little party in the hotel room showed up.
Unknown Speaker 35:53
I watch that another day. Sorry, had wings and pizza stuck in my head. Mmm
Unknown Speaker 36:03
hmm. Do I have any cringy wings? Oh my god, you kind of have a well, it's not like a super quick cringy wing story. But, um, so I was, uh, at my last job. We had like, a lot of really big work holiday parties. And some it was like a small company. But you know, we would go out to like, Bar Hop or, you know, whatever. It was all planned and coordinated. So one time we went to a we went to some bars and stuff. Then we went to a basketball game, where we had this like, little VIP like, oh, Booth thing. And they had it it was catered and stuff. And they had chicken wings. I was like, off Fuck yeah. Chicken wings. I love chicken wings. And then, um, it was time to leave. And they were like, Well, do you guys want to take home any of this food because like, we're just, you know, we have to get rid of it. We're gonna throw most of it away. So I packed up some of the wings and the little container they gave me and then you know, we go out drinking more. It's in my purse, that wings containers in my purse. We go drinking a lot more. And then it's pretty much time to go home because we're all like pretty sloppy drunk and stuff. So we go to a parking lot. I think of a CHEWIES and I'm trying to get an Uber. And a couple of the girls I was what they had to pee, so they weren't like behind the TVs to pee. I was like, Oh, let me like find my phone or I can't remember what I was gonna do. But then I opened my purse. And the fucking chicken wings fell out in my parents
Unknown Speaker 37:45
pull the weeds out of my purse out of the parking lot No, cuz they were all they all fell out. Yeah, so I was like, nope. Yeah, cuz yeah. Has like hair and weird purse remnants.
Unknown Speaker 38:03
glitter. Glitter. It makes it in layer. So yeah, that's why I'm drunk twit. Chicken wings story.
Unknown Speaker 38:13
Did you pee behind that? You know?
Unknown Speaker 38:17
Not me. I poop in pools. I don't pee behind CHEWIES
Unknown Speaker 38:21
Uber pools I pee behind Chili's. Not Chili's.
Unknown Speaker 38:25
Chili's a new goal.
Unknown Speaker 38:29
My goal is to get banned from Chili's. Like Pam.
Unknown Speaker 38:34
They do have very strong margaritas. Now.
Unknown Speaker 38:38
The last time that I went to Chili's, I don't even remember how long ago it was. My guess is maybe five or six years ago. But they had started doing those things where you could run your card at the table. Yeah, the little screen. A person I was with instead of a signature. They just drew a deck. And I accepted it.
Unknown Speaker 39:03
Oh, when I worked as a cashier, um, people default random shit in there all the time. Like one of my managers, she would always like draw like a mushroom or something random?
Unknown Speaker 39:15
Because I trip man. mushrooms everywhere. Have you ever seen that thing? Where the guy like assigns a cat head on his license? And he's like, Oh, I always thought it was a funny thing like a cat head instead of a signature. Hmm, that means like it was only a problem when I went to buy my house and I guess his signature had to match his ID so we get to do all this mortgage paperwork and that's awesome.
Unknown Speaker 39:46
I love that um,
Unknown Speaker 39:48
yeah, I think my my Instagram bio right now is taking anxiety meds and kissing cat heads
Unknown Speaker 39:57
and cat heads. Find things in life. That's our finer things club.
Unknown Speaker 40:05
Man, we have so many office references on this podcast. Yeah, I know we talked about doing this as a another episode, but what would you say you feel the like cringy this episode of The Office was for you.
Unknown Speaker 40:17
I actually started making notes on this the other day.
Unknown Speaker 40:20
I know everyone like Scott's taught it says like the biggest go to
Unknown Speaker 40:24
that one. I don't feel like it's that bad. I mean, like, it is, but it's not that bad.
Unknown Speaker 40:32
I was watching something the other day. And it was a Take Your Daughter to Work Day. Oh, yeah. And Michael says to Stanley's daughter, like, oh, you turn it into stone, cold Fox and my, like, are Stanley's like, she's 14 My goal.
Unknown Speaker 40:53
And then there's another one, like, at some point, and he's like, sure, on the school.
Unknown Speaker 41:04
My daughter, My daughter, in this same episode, the summary he's like, I'm gonna make it a dating profile because I want to get married and have kids and when I make my screen name Little kid lovers. I was like, cringing this episode. Is when?
Unknown Speaker 41:26
God that's his fucking name. Andy,
Unknown Speaker 41:30
when Andy does the Sweeney Todd play. Like that. One's off on a wine bottle.
Unknown Speaker 41:39
Going on his phone goes. What is
Unknown Speaker 41:43
this? Bird? Sound of a bird who's gonna play it off? Oh, it's my little burn.
Unknown Speaker 41:52
Buddy, you think?
Unknown Speaker 41:54
So for me a couple things come to mind. The Halloween party when that Aaron has to make and then she tells game like she needs to like amp up the scary factor. So he gets like the that like house film that he made that was really weird and creepy and had Oscars gram on it. And everyone's just like, What is this and like really freaked out. Um, and Cropper forgot what the other one was. I was thinking of Fuck, I'm sorry. On the spot, and I'm the one that put me on the spot.
Unknown Speaker 42:42
And the whole time that she was talking a fly was just straight up and down. But that reminded me of something. This was probably like a month ago. We're hanging out in the office and carboy number two, Jason was there. And there's a yellow jacket that was flying around him. And it kept getting like really close to his head. And so I went and got a fly swatter, and I was like, I got to get it out of here. Like it's gonna sting one of us. And it was flying around and I just randomly like swung in the air and I fucking got lucky. That's awesome. I was really proud of you. Yes. Accomplishment carboy number two saw he was impressed.
Unknown Speaker 43:28
Luckily, we haven't had a wasp in the house for a while. So that's been nice.
Unknown Speaker 43:32
Good. Yo, patch the hole. Yeah. Oh, how are we on time? Because I found a story that I thought was,
Unknown Speaker 43:40
we're at probably like, 4547 minutes, so we're good. Are you familiar with a poop knife? Poop knife. Like a toe knife from It's Always Sunny. I don't know the tow Knight. Frank Pixa has a knife that he picks out his toes to clean. You pick out your bubble
Unknown Speaker 44:02
shows so fucking gross sometimes. Yeah. I love him. He's gross. Yeah, apparently poop knives. This I don't personally have a poop knife. I'm going to start off by saying that. But it was an article that I saw online a while back. Apparently people that have really big shifts. Will like keep a knife to cut it before because it would be like to go down the thing. Yeah, my mind was blown.
Unknown Speaker 44:33
That's insane. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 44:36
How does it happen? Like, do you store up your poop for a long time? Yes. Or does it not segment interesting and disgusting. Like I have a lot of emotions.
Unknown Speaker 44:48
And weird. I was like, surely people don't actually do that. But I've seen like other things where people are talking about it. Well, one time I was cleaning out somebody's house. They were moving. And I was in the bathroom and I'm like, going through all the drawers to make sure there's nothing in there. And I opened a drawer and there's a napkin and like a black plastic
Unknown Speaker 45:24
so, thing What the fuck? Does that really cause issues with people? Like yeah, I
Unknown Speaker 45:29
guess they have giant turds that won't go down efficiently.
Unknown Speaker 45:34
Wow. Like, I don't know, my mind is just blown like I've never heard
Unknown Speaker 45:37
of. Okay, I'll do more of a deep dive on poop knives for another episode.
Unknown Speaker 45:45
I feel like there's got to be like a poop knife infomercial with really awesome review comments.
Unknown Speaker 45:50
I hope so.
Unknown Speaker 45:53
Yeah, that's insane.
Unknown Speaker 45:54
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I've had friends that have told me they only shit like once a week so I can see. Yeah, that doesn't sound healthy. Yeah, I've known a couple of people and they're like, yeah, just go like once a week. I'm like, how so I can see a poop night for them because they have like seven days worth. Yeah. builds up. My arms apart really wide Damn. mouthwash. Were like 75
Unknown Speaker 46:27
I
Unknown Speaker 46:28
fuck. I swear there's something I want to say. And I totally just forgot fuck.
Unknown Speaker 46:31
Names poop Now wash cup mouthwash cups. 75 mouthwash cups.
Unknown Speaker 46:38
Oh, there for your friends but only poop like once a week like, so that sounds unhealthy. But also lucky because like, it took me forever to be able to poop in public. Me too. Because, I mean, I never wanted to. And then like one day I just like, was not feeling well. And I just fucking had to. So I had to get over it real quick. But, you know,
Unknown Speaker 47:07
I used to have a hard time on vacation.
Unknown Speaker 47:09
Like, I even if it was
Unknown Speaker 47:13
like, in a hotel room or whatever. It was like oh, like it's not my Yeah, home turf. Yeah, it still feels weird.
Unknown Speaker 47:21
But yeah, I hate sleeping in my bed.
Unknown Speaker 47:28
Pooping so different story. Now
Unknown Speaker 47:30
I can I can I can justify the pooping now. Like, I can still see like a problem with it. Like, I mean, not like I think there's problem with it. But I can understand why other people still may have issues trying to do it. But yeah, I justified it to myself a lot. Because like, whatever.
Unknown Speaker 47:52
Dude at the blood center that I worked at, it was like a pretty narrow, long building. So you walk in, there's like the front desk and a little lobby area. And then like, right near the front desk are the bathrooms and there's only one set of bathrooms.
Unknown Speaker 48:08
So like, if you had to poop on the table? No,
Unknown Speaker 48:12
there's a chance that there's somebody like 20 feet away. And then like if somebody didn't close the door, then like the poop smell would come out.
Unknown Speaker 48:22
Oh, gross. Yeah, yeah, I worked in an office that had like a two bathroom stall situation. And it was a so it was my office, which was me and two other dudes. And then we had like an office next door. And we had hallway. We shared a hallway with when we shared those two bathrooms. And in the other office, it was just like a lawyer guy. And I don't want to call her an assistant. But because she did like a lot of shit. But she was I don't know, she was a paralegal, either. Maybe she was apparently evil. I don't know shit, about fuck with the law. So there's two anyway, main point, there's two people in that office, and they would occasionally get a guess. So yeah, same thing. Like, if you're pooping, people just kind of knew that you were pooping. And we, we just hired a new guy. So this was like an additional person. And we did like our morning meeting. And that's usually whenever I would go do my poop, because you know, I'd have like my coffee. We do the meeting and then I'd go hang out on my phone and then poop. And then I came back after I was done. And then the new guy was like, Oh, hey, we're worried. While and I was like, I was just like looking at them. And then the other guy was like, she was taking a shit. I was like, it's true. I was like, and there's only two bathrooms here. So you have to get used to just everyone knowing everybody's business. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 50:02
this other place that I worked at, there were only two bathrooms. Well, there were bathrooms for the public. Which the toilet paper was locked up. You know how, okay, you're in a good place when you're locked up toilet paper, but one of the bathrooms was like, always fucking up. And sometimes somebody would like fuck up the bathroom and wouldn't tell anybody and they just like fucking click the lock and like lock the door.
Unknown Speaker 50:28
Oh, so no one else could. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 50:32
So there would just be like a locked door. And you would knock and nobody would be there. And eventually, somebody would have to go find the key and open the door and be like, oh, yeah, we got to fucking call the plumber.
Unknown Speaker 50:42
It was very inefficient. Oh my god.
Unknown Speaker 50:47
I can't believe I forgot about this. When we were driving back home from our holiday vacation. We stopped at like, a really gross gas station because I had to pee really bad. And if anyone has driven through Louisiana before, like, it's one of those shitty ass bumpkin, Louisiana gas station bathrooms. Um, it was funny because like, I opened the door, and I could hear someone in there and I was like, Oh, shit, it's, you know, I was like a single saw. So I just closed the door. And then like, the attendant, cashier lady saw me she's like, Oh, it's there's like two stalls in there. So I was like, okay, so I opened the door, and the stalls are like, not tall. So it's like this lady. Like, I can see her head and she's like, Hey, how's it going? And I was like, oh, fuck, good. So then I go and luckily I'm a little shorter so I think my only my head only stuck out like so much. But I was like, Oh my god. It was just fucking weird. And there was also a sign on the door. Let me see if I could find it because I thought it was really funny. I might have sent you a picture of it
Unknown Speaker 52:07
I like the alligator
Unknown Speaker 52:07
heads that may have it gas stations. I bought one it's fucking bad. If I ever go back I'll buy another one for sure.
Unknown Speaker 52:17
They always have like weird random shit in there. It'll be like cases and it's like really nice rhinestone but dazzled booth and then like the case next to it is like a weird like speaker for your phone. Oh, here it is. Found it. So the sign on the door said so for the women's restroom it says this is not the men's restroom. The men's restroom dot dot dot dot that turn around and go out the front door and take a right it's around that corner. And then there's like a sticker that says Tiger. Funny like this is not to
Unknown Speaker 53:06
remember when, like the bathroom stuff started being talked about and yeah, and was like, Well, I wouldn't want my daughter to go in there. Labor's on me. And I was like, What the fuck are you? Like, oh, like she thought it was gonna agree with her. Now, I don't care like a public bathrooms fucking gross. Like, I want to get in and out. Yeah, dude, they're they're just like, whoever the fucking they're like, I don't care.
Unknown Speaker 53:39
Yeah, like how velvet taco does it. Um, so velvet taco. They just have like, a room. I guess it's almost like buches but like a shared bathroom. So, like, you just walk into like this bigger hallway. Basically, it just has like, a bunch of doors for bathrooms. And then there's like a huge sink in the middle where with mirrors and stuff you wash your hands. So it's just kind of like a single person bathroom thing. And, um, and that's kind of cool because like, other other places I go to it's kind of weird, because it's just like, they're still like single person stalls. But it's like a men's bathroom and a women's bathroom. I'm like, they're they have the same fucking shit. I mean, maybe one has a urinal, but I wouldn't care if like, I went to the bathroom and there was a urinal in there, especially if it's like single person use, like,
Unknown Speaker 54:29
as long as people don't piss on the toilet seat or leave gross stuff. Like, I don't care about any bathroom thing.
Unknown Speaker 54:37
And some chicks be nasty.
Unknown Speaker 54:39
Yeah, yeah, I'll
Unknown Speaker 54:40
say that. I've seen
Unknown Speaker 54:41
a lot of fucking bloody pads just on the top of the trash. Yeah. And like wide open poop smeared on the wall. You've seen poop smeared on my high school? Yeah. It's a teenager for sure. I'm traumatized. Yeah. Well, very. I've seen some nasty stuff, some bathrooms.
Unknown Speaker 55:10
I'm
Unknown Speaker 55:13
also not trying to period shame people. But yeah, sometimes it's like, oh, there's other person's blood everywhere. Yeah. You don't need to. Why didn't you try to not have it everywhere.
Unknown Speaker 55:27
It's proper etiquette to like, wrap your sanitized sanitation product and put it in the trash can. And if you drip on the seat, you wipe that shit up.
Unknown Speaker 55:39
Yeah, man, tell us your period times, man. But it was difficult
Unknown Speaker 55:47
as a preteen teenager, trying to figure out how your flow works. Hey, yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 55:56
If you don't have a mom that's like supportive. Even harder. Yeah. Just like, Here you go.
Unknown Speaker 56:04
My mom gave me a box of super plus tampons. Started out with tampons. Super plus tampons. Mind you down. Yeah, that was a
Unknown Speaker 56:16
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 56:18
Did you think that the pee in the blood came out of the same place? Because I did,
Unknown Speaker 56:23
I think for a while until I figured I got that Mississippi education Texas, Southern sex education.
Unknown Speaker 56:40
And if you don't know it's different areas. But it is different holes.
Unknown Speaker 56:45
I assume there's probably a lot of guys that don't realize that yet. Because I learned that some guys don't know how like pads work. And just if you would like to know how they work. They have a little sticky pad on them. And you peel that off and then you stick it on your underwear and the pad cushioning part. Just you just pull it up right again? Sure. Right against your situation. Whatever you have going on. To kind of this has not been released yet. But we have a hippie corner that's going to come out. I use reusable pads. Oh yeah. And those have a button like clip together. So yeah, and I like those because you just you just wash them and then reuse them.
Unknown Speaker 57:32
And yeah. It seems scary.
Unknown Speaker 57:38
Yeah, the underwear, like a big thing. Now I haven't tried those.
Unknown Speaker 57:41
I haven't either. I might look into it, because I've been seeing a lot more about him. Um, does that just come with like padding inside the underwear? Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 57:48
it's just like built in. Yeah, now that I don't go out as much. I'm just like, whatever I do. At home.
Unknown Speaker 58:00
Yeah, it's pretty nice. Actually. Yeah, it's pretty nice. Not having to worry about it. And I kind of almost feel like with the, because there's much more working from home now and stuff. I don't know. I feel like people are gonna be like, Yeah, I'm on my period. I don't feel like coming into work. Alright. Yeah, of course, depending on what job you have. I know. A lot of people don't have the luxury of of that and have to do customer service or something. Something else. So
Unknown Speaker 58:24
yeah, it's always fun when you're having a really rough time with that. And then some Karen's yelling at you about something you can't control. Yeah. Go home.
Unknown Speaker 58:35
Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 58:37
I've definitely cried. Working retail before in front of people.
Unknown Speaker 58:42
Oh, yeah. Oh, good. Fucking make them feel bad. Yeah, one of my biggest regrets about like working with the public is that I never just like openly wept in front of anyone. Like if I could go back and do it over again. I fucking would.
Unknown Speaker 58:54
Yeah, he did. Feel bad, I think. So what happened was, so this was when I was at Lowe's. And as many people know, they have like a paint matching thing. I worked in paint. So the thing with the paint matching is like so first off, it can never be like guaranteed 100% Sometimes people will bring in like, like, I don't know, they're like outside and they find like a paint chip on someone's house that's like dirty and they're like, I like this and then they're like, Hey, can you paint match this I'm like, this is dirty as fuck and it's old and like it's not even like big enough. It's like not that big. So like when you put it in front of the scanner, it picks up stuff in the background so it doesn't pick it up right. So he brings in this paint bucket with like a little dab on it because we do the whole damn thing on top. And the thing wouldn't match it and he didn't have like the little sticker on the top that tells you what it is like and he only brought me the lid and there was no like brand name on the lid or anything so like Like, I couldn't tell anything about this paint can do. I don't even know if he bought it there. So I was like, Okay, well, what we can do is like, um, we can at least just go down and I'm just find at least what brand it is, you know, try to match the lid visually and then like, you know, just maybe it's already like a pre packaged white. And so he just got like, super fucking pissed off at me. He was like, Whoa, like, I can't believe this. Like, you can't just latch it rabid rabid bra. And like, I had gone through all this stuff already with him trying to like, do a good job and try to get him the right product. So he doesn't like fuck up his carp not carpentry whatever job he's doing. And, um, and then he just kept like, being a douche and operating me and so I just kind of like started crying. He's like, Oh, no, don't do that. And then I just left go to the break room and I was crying. And there's a couple of other ladies that worked at the paint. So like, oh, no, Baby, what's wrong? And I was like, there's a guy yelling at me. They went out and like, you know, just handled it and stuff and but like, Yeah, I'm glad I fucking made that guy feel bad. Like, you don't need to go into a store and instantly start being a dick to someone close. Like, he instantly started being a dick. And I was like, Oh, well, you know, maybe I can like, do a good job and turn his day around. Fuck that mentality. I'm not doing that shit for anybody anymore. I'm so I'm so done with people being shitty. Like,
Unknown Speaker 1:01:43
I got here. I went to the gas station to get a drink. And there is a guy ahead of me checking out and he's just this like old crabby guy and he was like buying beer and he was like, Wow, just like being a bitch to the cashier. And he dropped his hat and I was like, I'm not gonna fucking
Unknown Speaker 1:02:05
go back in or notice or anything.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:07
I felt kind of bad. Here's the guy that worked there like took the hat outside and took it to him. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 1:02:13
I would have stepped on it um yeah, I'm sorry if you work retail and have to deal with people like that all the time. Like I'm so glad I don't have to anymore.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:29
I know. I was like, fucking suicidal bullshit all the time. Well, fat heads we're gonna come to a close
Unknown Speaker 1:02:44
my sound effects for door closing
Unknown Speaker 1:02:50
let us know if you want stickers. Please plaster all your things in them. Mm hmm.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:56
We'll send you multiple so you don't have to commit and feel
Unknown Speaker 1:03:00
like a fucking loser that nobody. I mean, some people wanted the stickers. But I was like, oh, yeah, like everybody's getting.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:09
Like a handful of people want them what's also like, Oh, all right. I don't want this freestyle.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:15
Not to discount those who have got them. Y'all are the best but okay, cool. We just have like 500
Unknown Speaker 1:03:26
take our free merch. Before we start having people pay for it. Well, maybe people would actually start wanting it if they had to pay for Oh, yeah. Oh, no, it has value.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:40
Like how people at church told you to cover up with a shirt. Because you're Why buy the
Unknown Speaker 1:03:49
cow if you get
Unknown Speaker 1:03:50
the milk for free, you know
Unknown Speaker 1:03:59
we're just given all our stuff
Unknown Speaker 1:04:03
to be good Christian. And like people are committed to values. Okay, see, we have value you guys.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:15
Um, so value us by liking and subscribing and commenting. Thanks for listening.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:29
We appreciate it. And I love whenever some of my friends that listen to like bring up stuff that we've talked about and like, whoa, people are referencing stuff that I said before.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:40
It's always a highlight of my day. Yes, for sure,
Unknown Speaker 1:04:43
too. So yeah, don't forget to follow us on social media. We put some pretty good imagery on there for you guys. And party on panhead party on fat heads, cranes world Excellent Test test
Unknown Speaker 1:05:16
test before I get my way mama, pimp Danny's people all around the world. Wait, that doesn't sound right