Vertical dramas! Adult babies! Udders! We’ve got it all on this episode. Join us as we talk about weird shit and old Austin things. Check out Nightmare Signal Podcast!
Vertical dramas! Adult babies! Udders! We’ve got it all on this episode. Join us as we talk about weird shit and old Austin things.
Check out Nightmare Signal Podcast!
Speaker 1 0:00
So I took olive to the vet a couple weeks ago, and you know, it was Christmas time, so they had everything decorated, and there was mistletoe on the door to the room that we were going into. And so as I passed under the mistletoe, I was like, oh, I need to give you a kiss. We're under the mistletoe, and then I just had this fear that the tech thought I was talking to her.
Speaker 1 0:52
I don't think she did, but I was too scared to say, like, oh, I meant that towards my cat. I don't know, I just froze up and stopped talking at that point.
Speaker 3 1:06
Should have passed for like a little note that was like, check yes or no.
Speaker 1 1:22
It's just one of those things where I was like, maybe talking more will make it worse. I'll just stop.
Unknown Speaker 1:30
Okay, yeah, no, I totally feel you.
Unknown Speaker 1:33
And I thought, well, she
Speaker 1 1:35
probably thought I was talking to the cat, so whatevs. But yeah, welcome to nervous laughter podcast. Welcome I'm Alyssa. I'm ready to kiss under the mistletoe, but only if you're my cat
Unknown Speaker 1:48
and I'm Jamie.
Speaker 3 1:52
We overthink things sometime here, and that's okay. Yes, we do. Yeah, I've done that. So it'd be like, you're overthink, just like, you know, I feel like I was like, calling you out. Like, that was
Speaker 1 2:05
some of us. No, not at all. I've actually done that a couple times with the vet. Like one time they took olive in the back to do some stuff, and then when they brought her back, I said, Oh, I missed you, and I again, felt like the tech thought I was talking to them. So I just need to be a little more careful, because then I get all shy and just stop talking. I'm sure there's a certain tone, like, yeah, I don't know. I just got in my head, and for some reason, I really want the people at the vet to like me. It's very important to me. So anytime that I'm like weird or anything that I just kind of shut down. It's a very strange dynamic now that I'm talking through it, but I just really want them to like me.
Speaker 3 3:01
Yeah, they're gonna go in the back and be like, Dude, I think she asked me to kiss her under the mistletoe. She should totally not own a cat, let alone four.
Speaker 1 3:11
That's probably what they're thinking. And I hate it, like I need validation from you guys, please.
Unknown Speaker 3:24
What if? What if he was just like, okay, like, down?
Speaker 1 3:31
Well, I think it's only women that work at my vet's office.
Unknown Speaker 3:35
Oh, okay, well, what if she was down?
Speaker 1 3:40
I don't know why I felt the need to specify that instead of just answering the question, because either way, I wouldn't do it, but
Speaker 3 3:50
I wouldn't either, but I feel like it would be way more awkward if they
Unknown Speaker 3:54
Yeah, it would be, or
Unknown Speaker 3:57
we're like, I miss you too.
Unknown Speaker 4:00
We're so glad you came.
Speaker 1 4:04
I have cold brew now at my vet's office on tap, which is pretty cool. So every time I go, I make sure to get some, because, like, I'm spending hella money here. I'm taking some with me.
Speaker 3 4:19
Hell yeah, yeah, ours just has a Keurig. So it's like, Oh yeah,
Speaker 2 4:27
yeah, they used to have a Keurig here, but, and we're burpee today. Yeah, I got this soda. So what's doing it for me? Sparkling water. Oh, we got the carbonates. Yep, a bad case of the carbonyl.
Speaker 1 4:48
Well, I watched a couple weird movies that I wanted to tell you about. And I think maybe in watching one of these. Movies, I found a new hobby.
Unknown Speaker 5:02
Oh, okay, okay,
Speaker 1 5:05
so I found this movie through a guy on Instagram that I really like named heartthrob Anderson. And he posts different stuff, but he'll do kind of quick movie reviews of just insane fucking movies. Like one of them was some movie from the early 90s where this girl went on a cruise and she wanted to pretend, or like, impress the other kids on the cruise, so she pretended that her dad was her fucking boyfriend. Just like weird, like, fucking weird movies like that that would never be made today,
Unknown Speaker 5:46
yeah, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 5:49
but that's not the one I'm talking about today.
Speaker 1 5:53
I'm gonna be talking about a movie called found a homeless billionaire for Christmas.
Speaker 2 6:01
Oh, my God, this Yeah, sounds familiar.
Speaker 3 6:10
It's from an app, actually. Oh, okay, then I definitely haven't seen it, but it sounds like a lot of those.
Unknown Speaker 6:18
Yeah, like a hallmark, yeah?
Speaker 1 6:22
So sorry, is this one of those, like, vertical app video? Yes, okay, okay, okay, yes, weird dramas, yeah. I didn't really know much about those, but they kind of seem like those mobile games, but actual people acting it out, they're fucking weird, yeah, it's just like drama slop, yeah, and I feel like it's gonna be my new hobby.
Unknown Speaker 6:46
Yes, yes, yeah. I wanted to check some out.
Speaker 1 6:50
So the company that Oh, good, good, good. The company that did this one is called real short. And whenever he was talking about this movie, he didn't mention that it was one of those apps. So I'm looking for it. I like, look on Letterboxd, and it doesn't exist, because it's not a real fucking movie. And I go on YouTube, and then I can only find, like, you know, shot vertical and like, What the fuck is the shot on my cell phone? And then I could only find, like, a couple episodes, so I had to, like, keep going to different shit. And finally, I found one where somebody had strung it all together, and it was an hour and
Speaker 3 7:34
40 minutes. Whoa, I can't it was so fucking long. Oh, my god, wow. I put
Speaker 1 7:42
it on the TV. She actually watched it with me, but he I was getting a little impatient towards the end, because that really fucking sucked, and he had checked out like before me. That's kind of when he was getting sick. So I think he was kind of like dozing off a
Speaker 3 7:59
little bit. I'm sure the thing felt like a fever dream too.
Speaker 1 8:06
It was so strange. So it's this girl that works at a burger place, and honestly, I don't remember anyone's names, and I don't think it matters. Girl working at a burger joint, and every day, she gives this homeless guy a hamburger. And then one day, her fiance comes through the drive the drive through the burger place, and he's like getting a blow job as he pulls up to the window.
Speaker 3 8:47
But please, keep going. Keep going. I feel like it was like with a coffee person, but no, I think it was a burger. I don't know it was. So just maybe they're all the same thing, and they just, they just switch out the fucking food. Yeah, easy enough. Yeah. Change the name. Yeah. They're just filling out like the what are those Mad Libs? Or whatever Mad Libs?
Speaker 1 9:10
That's what this movie felt like. But it ends up being her fucking cousin and her fiance. And she's like, Hey, cousin, we thought that you weren't working today. She was like, Oh my god. Why is this happening? So the main girl, her mom had called and was like, your grandma's dying, and her dying wish is for you to get married on Christmas. And the girl's like, Well, I was going to because she had a fiance, but then she caught them in the drive through, so she's like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And then the homeless guy was like, I'll pretend to be your husband. And so they do this whole thing, get married. Well, in between there, we find out that i. Homeless guy is a billionaire, and he's been going undercover to do some research on his company. That's never explained what the research is, nor why he had to pretend to be homeless like he literally like lived on the streets and everything
Unknown Speaker 10:18
sounds like a cover up for crime.
Unknown Speaker 10:21
Yeah, it was so bizarre.
Speaker 1 10:25
It was so fucking weird. And so then they go,
Speaker 3 10:28
sorry, how did he? Did? He just overhear her being like, I need a boyfriend.
Unknown Speaker 10:35
So I think when they were in the drive through
Speaker 1 10:41
that you like, pulled around front and started having an argument. Like, they they started out in the drive through she saw the stuff, and then maybe they were like, We got to get out of the drive through line. And then they, like, went in front of the store, and that's where the homeless guy was.
Speaker 3 10:58
Oh, so the homeless guy overheard the fiance and the cousin, and then went to the lady,
Speaker 2 11:07
went to burger girl, the sorry,
Unknown Speaker 11:14
I'm getting this all mixed up in my brain now.
Unknown Speaker 11:16
No, it's okay. I feel because I don't know
Speaker 3 11:21
what prompted homeless guy to talk to burger girl?
Speaker 1 11:24
Oh, because they were just friends. Like he gave she would give him a burger every day. So, like she heard the argument, or he heard the argument about them breaking up, and then he heard the phone call with the mom. That was like your grandmother's dying wishes. So he's seen all of this, okay, so he just saw the drama, and then just blocked up and offered, yeah, well, the at one point, the fiance was gonna hit the girl and, like, he had his hand up, and then the homeless guy, like, grabbed his hand and was like, No, oh. And that happens several times throughout the movie. People like get held back, or like, their hand gets held when they're about to slap. That happens a lot in those vertical dramas.
Unknown Speaker 12:15
I can't wait to watch more. Yes,
Unknown Speaker 12:19
but then, basically, they they
Speaker 1 12:21
actually legally get married. I don't know why they do that. And the girl is like, well, we can just get it annulled. And the dude's like, okay, but he's starting to fall in love with her because she's been kind to him, and was giving him a hamburger every day and stuff. Oh, sorry, yes. Well, I think what happened was, like, his mission of being undercover was over or something. It wasn't very clear.
Speaker 3 12:50
And if I ask something you can't answer, it's totally fine, because I feel like a lot of these verticals, yeah, they have a lot of plot holes, yeah, and it just jumps to like something that doesn't make sense, and it's just yeah, so yeah, maybe I'll just add, not really ask questions, because
Unknown Speaker 13:11
feel free to ask if you think of anything. Okay,
Speaker 1 13:14
yeah. So they go back to her mom's house, and she's just like, oh, I have such a handsome son in law and, like, apparently her and the grandma have, like, spent their life savings on this wedding for some fucking reason. And then, yeah, she's just like, Okay, we have to, like, kiss and pretend in front of my mom and grandma. Ew, Rose. She's like, Hey, do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? It's just like me at the vet's office. And then they go to this restaurant, and the cousin and her former fiance were there, and we see the lady's aunt who is also shitty, like the cousin, so like, the mom and the aunt have a rivalry, and then the cousin and the main girl do so everybody's just like, talking shit to each other, and they're like, somehow they recognize him, and they're like, Oh my God, that's a homeless guy. You cleaned him up and you're dating
Unknown Speaker 14:25
like they're talking about him like a pet.
Speaker 1 14:28
That's exactly how it is the whole time they're like, You're dating a homeless like, there's a shit like that. It's so fucked.
Unknown Speaker 14:37
Yeah, did you know fabulous, yet
Speaker 1 14:42
that's pretty much how they talk about it. It's so fucking weird. And then throughout the movie, he's doing different things.
Unknown Speaker 14:53
Like, I don't know
Speaker 1 14:56
why people didn't think they were weird. Like. Example, he gets his new mother in law a Ferrari, wow, and presents it in front of, like, the shitty aunt and the shitty cousin and everybody is just like, you pulled a trick to get a Ferrari here. Like, what? Like, none of this fucking makes sense. Like, it doesn't make sense that he would be able to get it. And it kind of makes less sense that he would pull a trick to that, you know,
Unknown Speaker 15:28
yeah, the cousin's the one pulling tricks,
Unknown Speaker 15:32
yeah, and the burger
Speaker 1 15:35
drive through pretty crazy like, you know you're gonna drive up to the window, fucking weirdos, psychotic, yeah, so then it just kind of goes on. There's like a class reunion. I know they're there around Christmas time they have they're having their class reunion there.
Speaker 2 15:58
And there's a guy that I Kia, sorry.
Speaker 1 16:04
Let me back up. I guess it's not weird that they're having the class reunion there, because it's her hometown, but that it's like right around Christmas. I don't it just seems like most of the time they're not at Christmas time.
Unknown Speaker 16:15
I don't know. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1 16:18
but apparently there was a guy named Elon god. Yeah, Elon was in love with the main character, and they're in Texas, by the way, so all the like, the main character always wears cowboy boots, and, like, people in the town are wearing cowboy hats, because that's what we do in Texas, you know?
Speaker 3 16:40
Yeah, it must be in, um, crap. What was that a town,
Unknown Speaker 16:47
but had the ad. I was like, oh, Georgetown,
Speaker 1 16:54
yeah. So Elon's, like, this angry cowboy, and the cousin calls him and is like, hey, the main characters back in town, and she has another boyfriend. You should come cause trouble at the class reunion. So that's what he does. He comes and is like, fucking psycho. There's another fight scene where they're like, holding back each other's hands and shit, yeah, and it just goes on like that for an hour and a half. And then there's like, this silent auction thing, and the homeless, alleged homeless guy is getting millions of dollars on shit. And then finally, he's just like, Yeah, I'm actually a billionaire.
Unknown Speaker 17:40
They're like, No,
Unknown Speaker 17:43
how else could you afford all of these things? Dude?
Speaker 1 17:46
Yeah, it was like a Ferrari, like, he bought the wedding venue that they were gonna get married at, like, all this shit.
Speaker 2 17:53
Oh, when he did, he buy the like venue for the day, or buy the actual venue,
Speaker 1 18:00
he bought the actual venue. That's a big entire thing was it like a
Speaker 3 18:03
pretty girl moment where they're like, We don't let homeless have weddings here. And he's like, Well, I'll buy the place. It pretty much, yeah, they're like, We have
Speaker 1 18:16
reservations here. And then the cousin was like, No, we're getting married here at this day, at this time, and then the homeless guy is like, actually, I've purchased the entire building and you will be getting a refund.
Unknown Speaker 18:32
Oh, my God, I love it. Oh
Speaker 1 18:35
yeah. The ending is pretty cool, though, because when it comes out that he
Unknown Speaker 18:41
is a billionaire,
Speaker 1 18:43
the ex fiance and the ex fiance's father in law, they work for the company that the homeless guy is the CEO of. So he gets to fire them. Oh, okay, so that was pretty cool, and now they get to sue
Unknown Speaker 18:57
him for wrongful termination
Unknown Speaker 19:00
that I can't talk,
Speaker 1 19:04
yeah, and then they just get married, and it abruptly ends. It was the weirdest shit I've ever seen.
Speaker 3 19:10
Man, yeah, I fucking, I love those weird things and like the, like, dark man videos,
Speaker 1 19:18
yeah, I used to get his all the fucking time, and I totally forgot about him until he's reading the comments on that video and somebody mentioned him. I was like, oh shit, I love
Speaker 3 19:30
his stuff. I'll have to get some, like, synapses on some of his videos, because, yeah, those are yes, do I? Since there was like, an aspect with Christmas on this one, I was like, waiting for homeless CEO millionaire to turn into just also be Santa.
Unknown Speaker 19:49
Oh, that would have been a fun twist,
Speaker 3 19:52
like, be married by Christmas, and then, you know, he shows up, walking down the aisle and but he's dressed as. Santa or something.
Speaker 1 20:03
Yeah, I need to look. I need to download real short and get on there and look and see what all they have for Christmas. Because I bet they have some Christmas amnesia for sure.
Speaker 3 20:13
Oh, hell yeah, yeah. I know that a lot of those, I don't know about, like that company, but yeah, I know a lot of those you have to, like, pay per episode and shit.
Speaker 1 20:23
Yeah, so I started looking at this, and the system seems really fucking convoluted, like it
Unknown Speaker 20:32
on Wikipedia. Here it says
Unknown Speaker 20:35
real short, uses a
Speaker 1 20:36
virtual currency system where users can purchase coins to unlock additional episodes of their shows. These coins can be acquired by watching advertisements within the app or purchasing them directly. So yeah, it's bullshit like that. It does say that there's been a 992% increase in downloads between 2023 and 2024 Wow. People are getting on this. Yeah, like, I guess, yeah, this weird shit. People like it, yeah. And fat heads. If you've never heard of this before, because I haven't heard of the apps like this, or I hadn't heard of them before. They're based on something called Duan Jews, which is a Chinese thing, and it is translated as short drama, vertical drama, micro drama, or like a vertical series. And it's they'll have like one to two minute episodes of weird shit like this. So, yeah, very interesting. I didn't know about this format.
Speaker 3 21:45
It's, it's usually, typically like a a girl falls in love, or maybe not initially, but with a man who is somehow rich, whether you know that up front or not, whether they know the front or not. It's just, but just woman. It just usually ends with woman being with rich man.
Speaker 1 22:13
Yeah, the fucking names of these, like the CEO's contract wife.
Unknown Speaker 22:23
They're named like smut novels
Unknown Speaker 22:26
this there's one called Daddy December.
Unknown Speaker 22:33
Oh man,
Speaker 1 22:38
Mommy, don't cry. Daddy is sorry, what
Unknown Speaker 22:43
these are? These are weird.
Speaker 1 22:45
When I was looking on the app, they had more stuff to do with billionaires. Oh, here we go. Never divorced a secret billionaire heiress and snatched a billionaire to be my husband, the double life of my billionaire husband, so yeah, I have a lot of watching to do.
Unknown Speaker 23:07
Hell yeah, these sound awesome.
Speaker 3 23:11
Don't cry, mommy, daddy. Sorry. That just feels like something like, I No one needs to be involved in like, we just get to let that book have its privacy.
Speaker 1 23:21
Yeah, that one, that one, seems a little questionable still.
Unknown Speaker 23:31
Yeah, the
Speaker 1 23:32
cursed alpha males mute bride.
Speaker 3 23:37
Okay, okay, of course an alpha male would get a mute bride,
Unknown Speaker 23:41
yeah? Seriously, speaking of
Unknown Speaker 23:45
Andrew Tate and
Speaker 3 23:48
whatever, Jake Paul. Jake Paul got their fucking shit rocked boxing.
Speaker 1 23:53
Yeah. Did you see this will be coming out, I guess, a couple weeks after that happened, but it'll be interesting to say, like, what's out by the time this comes out? Because I already saw Andrew Tate post a thing where he was like, Well, actually I didn't lose. I won because I bet on myself to lose by like, 88 odds or some shit. So I made like, a billion dollars. I'm like, what? So basically saying that he threw the fight so he could make money. Isn't that, like, illegal? Yes, that's what people were saying. They're like, a case, and now you're gonna go to prison.
Speaker 2 24:37
Like he's so stupid, yeah, so fucking stupid. Sorry, I'm so burpy. The burps. Did I have them too?
Speaker 1 24:51
And then I'll just mention this other movie that I watched really quick. I
Unknown Speaker 24:59
talked a little. Bit about it on
Speaker 2 25:03
the Night March signal, I guess, the episode that came out
Unknown Speaker 25:09
on the 20/19 I guess,
Unknown Speaker 25:15
oh, no problem. It's called the baby,
Speaker 1 25:19
and it's a movie from the early 70s about this adult man that lives as a baby, which is funny, because that's like a thing. Now, I
Speaker 3 25:30
believe I have seen this. Joe Bob Briggs today. Yeah, this seems like the perfect movie for his show. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, I did watch this. I don't remember it, like, super well, but yes, yes, I remember,
Speaker 1 25:46
yeah, fat heads. If you want to watch something weird, this was, like,
Unknown Speaker 25:52
legitimately, one
Unknown Speaker 25:54
of the strangest things I've ever seen. It's a
Speaker 1 25:58
widow that is a case worker, and she gets involved with this family where the son lives as a baby, and all this weird shit happens
Unknown Speaker 26:11
that has the best ending ever. But
Speaker 1 26:15
watch it. It's, it's a horror movie that's somehow Rated PG. And it's, it's it's very
Unknown Speaker 26:21
strange. I remember.
Speaker 3 26:25
I feel like things are coming back to me, but I don't remember how it ends. But yeah, I'll have to rewatch it and then touch base. Yeah.
Speaker 1 26:32
Like there's a part where the babysitter ends up breastfeeding baby, which is his only name, the adult man, and then the mom walks in on it and, like, eats the shit out of the babysitter. It's so weird.
Speaker 2 26:50
Yeah, that movie is a very, very strange. Yeah?
Speaker 1 26:56
So if you're in the mood for a cringe movie, then I highly suggest that one. And if
Speaker 3 27:03
you want to pair it with something else, there's also that TLC thing where the guy lives like a giant baby. Yeah, you
Speaker 1 27:10
can do a double feature of that, and then people actually doing that, yes, because there is so much on TLC and online about that, and they they are shitting their pants on purpose, unapologetically, unapologetically, yes, it's I don't I don't know how much concentration it would take for me to, like, make myself piss my pants. You know what I mean? Like, even if I had, I mean, obviously I'm not talking about people that have medical problems and stuff. But just for fun, like, if I put a diaper on, I feel like it would be so hard to piss myself,
Speaker 3 27:55
you know? Like, be like, do it. Just do it. And, yeah, like, I want to
Speaker 1 28:01
know how long it takes them to turn that part of their brain off, you know, yeah, where they can just naturally go. I feel like they're excited to do it in the first place. That's true, yeah. So, yeah, you're right. I'm looking at it from a person that doesn't want to piss their pants point of view. So yeah, I guess Yeah, it doesn't really go that way for them. Perspective, yes,
Unknown Speaker 28:31
weird. I recently got some
Speaker 3 28:40
offensive targeted ads that I wanted to show you. Okay, okay, I felt very called out. Is it the, sorry, oh, go ahead. Is it the girl beer? I keep getting girl beer ads, and I'm like, Oh
Unknown Speaker 28:55
no, I don't know about that one.
Speaker 3 28:58
Let me What's that one? Good? I don't know. It just looks like it's beer that's just branded as girl beer. It doesn't say anything about the flavor. It's just like a ad that's like flying eagle, girl beer. And then, like, beer exploding. And then, you know, for like, because I have a pink can, I don't think so,
Unknown Speaker 29:20
it's like the ultra
Speaker 1 29:22
right dad's conservative beer or whatever. But for girls,
Unknown Speaker 29:26
exactly, uh,
Speaker 3 29:29
Nope, it's just a gray can. Oh, interesting. Comes in different flavors, called Girl beer. Yeah, I've never got that one. Yeah. The only thing girl about it is, I guess, like the branding, like the the can, I wouldn't say, looks particularly feminine. I wonder if it's like a white claw, they're just putting in a different can and,
Unknown Speaker 29:55
oh, it says light beer, so it
Speaker 2 29:58
doesn't look like it's like a. Salsa or anything, but, uh, I
Unknown Speaker 30:03
guess it's 100 calories. So they're like, it's for girls.
Unknown Speaker 30:08
They care about their figures.
Speaker 1 30:12
So I'm going to send you the ad that I got.
Unknown Speaker 30:18
It's for people with big heads.
Unknown Speaker 30:23
Oh, you got a mammoth mammoth head? Yeah,
Speaker 1 30:26
mammoth headwear. I feel like maybe I've mentioned this before. Yeah, every once in a while I'll get targeted ads from them
Unknown Speaker 30:40
for fat heads. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 30:45
I also got,
Speaker 3 30:50
when g asked me about your headphones, I was like, does she like earbuds or, like, over the head stuff? He was like, good question. I'll do some recon, because I don't know if you know, but her and her family have a thing with, like, big
Speaker 1 31:10
he was like, Well, I didn't know if Jamie knew the thing about Yale's big heads,
Unknown Speaker 31:18
the family secret. The family
Speaker 1 31:20
secret, yeah, we do all have big heads, but I sent you another ad, apparently mammoth headwear does large mammoth sunglasses as well.
Unknown Speaker 31:32
Ah, okay, that's the
Speaker 1 31:35
those do look a lot better on the guy. They don't look like little Barbie sunglasses. They fit his mammoth head.
Unknown Speaker 31:42
So a lot more comfortable. Too
Speaker 3 31:46
Cool. So it's just, there's, like, what will go on someone's head? Let's make it bigger. That's cool all in.
Unknown Speaker 31:54
Oh yeah. I also got an ad for the beanies too,
Speaker 1 31:58
at a separate period of time, so they are just and now that I'm looking at the website, they're going to be sending me an ad, like every fucking day.
Speaker 3 32:06
Now I'm going to start getting ads. Oh, well,
Unknown Speaker 32:10
maybe I have clothing. Maybe
Speaker 3 32:12
I can see find some things for my flat headed friends.
Unknown Speaker 32:18
My birthday is coming up. Maybe
Unknown Speaker 32:22
they'll drop some Barbie or something.
Unknown Speaker 32:31
Speaking of things that are big,
Unknown Speaker 32:37
I saw
Unknown Speaker 32:39
something interesting that a
Speaker 1 32:43
cow has, but, and it was used as a design for condiments. I'm gonna send you a picture. Oh, okay,
Unknown Speaker 32:55
so I've sent it on Discord.
Speaker 1 32:59
So apparently this is a common thing in Europe, and they're called condiment udders. And if you're at a festival or whatever, and get a hot dog instead of the little bush ones like we have, they have these condiment udders, and you pull down on it, like you're milking a cow, and then you get your fucking ketchup or whatever,
Speaker 2 33:23
looks weird, but also looks more fun than a pump. True, true.
Unknown Speaker 33:30
Yeah, I got video
Speaker 1 33:32
on Instagram that was like, if you're going to the European market this year, make sure to use both hands on the condiment udder. Like, is this a joke?
Speaker 3 33:43
Video, both hands, once you squeeze it, just, it does just, it looks like a condom hanging off of the end of like a thing.
Speaker 1 33:55
Yeah, it looks so gross. But then I did it a little looking. And if you're interested, Jamie, if you decide to start a hot dog business or anything like that, there's a veteran owned American company that has brought these here to us, in the US of A Oh, called condiment cow.
Unknown Speaker 34:24
And send
Unknown Speaker 34:25
you the link here.
Unknown Speaker 34:29
They put
Unknown Speaker 34:30
the udders inside of a little cow,
Speaker 1 34:34
so it's just a cuter version. Yeah. And they also have the condiment sow, which is like a little cartoon pig, which that one feels weirder, because I feel like, when you think about milking things, you don't think about milking a pig,
Speaker 3 34:51
yeah, like, I don't know, I mean the cow thing, like, it is cute, but I kind of like the other picture. You showed me more, because there's, like, no, the raw odor, yeah?
Unknown Speaker 35:04
Like, you can't associate it with love,
Speaker 2 35:10
you know, something coming out of an animal, yeah? Do you
Speaker 1 35:17
want to guess the cost? I don't know if you saw but no, I didn't. Okay, so for a condiment, cow, actually the cow and the sour the same price.
Speaker 3 35:28
Do you know if it has a cooling component?
Unknown Speaker 35:32
Good question. Let's see.
Speaker 1 35:37
I believe it does not. I think it's, yeah, it's just like the little plastic thing on the outside, and then the condiments fit inside, and just the other part comes out. I'm gonna
Unknown Speaker 35:49
say 250 $250
Unknown Speaker 35:53
yes, 2350
Unknown Speaker 35:59
white plush, plus shipping.
Speaker 2 36:04
Whoa, how could that be so much? I'm gonna see how much shipping is.
Unknown Speaker 36:14
Yeah, I have no idea that's insane.
Unknown Speaker 36:18
Whoa, there's $120
Speaker 1 36:21
processing fee, which I don't know what the fuck that is, and a $10 delivery fee. So if I get a condiment cow, it'll come out to $2,480
Speaker 3 36:33
Damn, yeah, and let's see a standard udder dispenser is 100 bucks
Unknown Speaker 36:42
a silicone one is $110
Speaker 2 36:46
a standard dispenser, which is the condom looking piece. It's called a teat
Unknown Speaker 36:56
dispenser. Teat $50.60
Speaker 3 36:59
for a silicone one and rubber, just the rubber without the cap is 30 bucks, and the white cap is $3
Speaker 2 37:08
teat only, well, that's weird, if you get, oh, there's some kind of, like, little rod thing that comes with it. What is that?
Unknown Speaker 37:20
Let me see, maybe the, oh, I guess it's a
Unknown Speaker 37:26
work as a valve. I guess maybe the
Speaker 1 37:28
teat only is just like a replacement for the bottom part if you still have the plastic pieces.
Speaker 3 37:34
Yeah, because I was just wondering, because it's like, if you just buy the rubber and the white cap at 33 and then a standard dispenser heat is $50 so it's like, Damn, why is it?
Speaker 1 37:47
Oh, yeah. Like that one little thing that looks like a lollipop, yeah? So much.
Unknown Speaker 37:52
Yes, that's great.
Speaker 3 37:56
Okay, cool. So you can get that at condiment cow.com. Oh, interesting. It looks like their dispenser comes from easy dispenser.com. So heads up, you might be able to get it cheaper,
Unknown Speaker 38:12
yeah, if you're looking for a deal. Oh,
Speaker 1 38:15
when I was going to the checkout, I saw that you could enter a discount code. Maybe we should try to partner with them.
Unknown Speaker 38:24
Bring everyone a discount
Speaker 3 38:25
code. Oh, they're veteran owned too.
Speaker 1 38:33
There's some actual pigs using the sow in one of the pictures on here.
Unknown Speaker 38:38
If I can find that one.
Unknown Speaker 38:43
It's like on the main page, where it cycles through,
Unknown Speaker 38:47
let's see if it'll let me send it. Oh yeah, here
Speaker 2 38:53
we go. We love calling to make cows and shooting unarmed teenagers. I can imagine this on Shark Tank. It's just,
Speaker 3 39:06
with all due respect to our veterans, this seems like exactly the type of fucking Company A
Speaker 2 39:15
American veteran would make.
Speaker 3 39:18
It's like we need more American owned businesses in America, and this is the kind of shit they get,
Speaker 2 39:29
seriously, like, and they're gonna, oh, God, sorry. I was
Speaker 1 39:35
just gonna say, they're gonna start making accessories for it, like, there's gonna be a bag of hat for the condiment cow, yeah, a
Unknown Speaker 39:42
little gun that can sling around.
Unknown Speaker 39:44
Yeah? It's
Speaker 3 39:46
funny because I wonder this easy dispense calm is where they get their other stuff. I wonder if that's actually it says veteran owned, not made in the USA. So let me not get my shit crossed.
Unknown Speaker 39:58
I. But there's no at least on,
Speaker 1 40:04
at least on condiment cow. It shows the American flag with veteran owned,
Unknown Speaker 40:11
yeah, it doesn't say made in the USA anywhere, though.
Unknown Speaker 40:17
I guess it's just, I probably all just made in China.
Unknown Speaker 40:29
Probably so.
Speaker 1 40:33
But you know what? I like to put ketchup and mustard on
Unknown Speaker 40:37
hot dogs. A Quan dog. Oh, hell yeah.
Speaker 1 40:43
So this was on our lost episode, episode where we came back, we talked about this, and Jamie made a really fun graphic, so we got to talk about it again so we can post the graphic. Hell yeah. But when I was younger, I distinctly remember me and my sister calling corn dogs quandongs, and a couple of months ago, I sent her a message, and I was like, remember when I used to call corn dogs quandongs? And she was like, No, I don't think that ever happened. Like, yeah, it did, and she doesn't remember. And then I told, gee, that
Unknown Speaker 41:35
did that.
Unknown Speaker 41:36
And he, like, didn't believe me, either.
Unknown Speaker 41:41
Alyssa, what a weird thing to lie about.
Unknown Speaker 41:45
I feel like that's what they both did to me.
Speaker 3 41:49
Maybe they're messing with you. I don't know. I don't know either,
Speaker 1 41:54
but I don't remember what his reasoning was. But they've come around, and now, whenever they see a corn dog, they call it a Quan dog.
Unknown Speaker 42:03
So don't get your Quan dogs.
Speaker 1 42:14
Yeah, I feel like that's something kids would say, you know,
Speaker 3 42:20
yeah, yeah for sure. Like, I said like par tarts instead of Pop Tarts, and like Park arts my power tarts.
Speaker 3 42:34
And I said, like Factoria instead of cafeteria. So we called it factotia For a long time.
Speaker 1 42:43
I like that one. I'm trying to think of some other ones that we had.
Speaker 3 42:48
Oh, I think I mentioned this one, but, uh, curly cues. You called them curly poos, but I didn't. Oh, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 42:56
I got called out on
Unknown Speaker 42:59
curly poo. I But,
Unknown Speaker 43:05
yeah, quandongs.
Speaker 1 43:09
Like, that's, it's good way to close out our our hot dog talk. Now we've finished with hot dogs. Now we can go to Quan dongs.
Speaker 3 43:17
You know, yeah, it's a new year. It's a Quang dog. New year,
Speaker 1 43:22
new processed meat product to talk about. You know, silvers. Have you ever eaten a Long John? Silver's no it just the
Speaker 2 43:32
idea of seafood at fast food just doesn't vibe with me.
Unknown Speaker 43:39
Jamie, it's so good. I'm not
Unknown Speaker 43:41
even really, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 43:46
I remember my my grandma liked it. And like, the nearest town that had it was like 20 minutes away. So if we ever had to go run an errand, there, we would get to go to Long John Silver's. So good. And me and my sister. Well, now I still live about 20 minutes away from one, and so every once in a while I'll get it, and like, when my sister and I are together, there's one a little closer to her, so we'll go get it, but
Unknown Speaker 44:14
they have a little bell
Speaker 1 44:15
whenever you ring, and it's like, if we did a good job ring the bell,
Unknown Speaker 44:21
we'd get to walk out and be like, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Unknown Speaker 44:24
It's like, I'm on a ship.
Speaker 1 44:28
Yeah, exactly. But it really is good. My sister doesn't eat seafood, so she'll get she'll get chicken strips. Oh, they're pretty good, but they have, like, shrimp and other stuff. And I know it sounds crazy, since it's fast food seafood, but I've always only had fresh fish there.
Speaker 3 44:49
Okay, I believe it. I guess you know, if it was really shitty, I mean, they, there's no way they'd still be open, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'll have to go there. So. Time and try some, uh, yeah, we can take a field trip. Hush puppies. I assume they have Hell yeah,
Speaker 1 45:07
oh yeah, oh yeah, they do. They're delicious. Hell yeah. I sent my sister a video the other day, and it was like the friend that's keeping the shitty fast food places in business, and that was on there. And then the guy in the video is like, Hey, everybody, let's go to Arby's. I'm like, I like, Arby's too. Yeah, every once in a while I really crave, like, you know, like a like, the cheddar melt or whatever,
Speaker 2 45:34
yeah, the horsey sauce, it is good. They're curly fries. They're seasoned quite well. They are.
Speaker 1 45:45
I get I feel like those are kind of some of the bottom tier. I can't think of any other ones that are pretty universally hated, like
Speaker 3 45:52
the I think Burger King is also kind of, yeah. But every once in a while, I go get a original chicken sandwich. I fucking love those. I just, I think I've mentioned this before on the podcast, but I think, like, one of my first memories was involved with a original chicken sandwich.
Speaker 1 46:14
Oh yeah, because Didn't you go there with your grandma? And there's, like, a picture of y'all wearing the crowns eating.
Speaker 3 46:20
Oh, that was a so usually with my grandma, we would always go get cinnamon rolls from there in the morning, when a french toast sticks. But whenever I was super little, I remember my mom, we were at some type of, like festival thing at my school, and she had gotten Burger King, and she let me try a bite of her original chicken sandwich, and it just
Speaker 1 46:44
feel like this is what I will eat there for the rest of my life. Core memories start now, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 46:51
uh, so, when? So?
Speaker 1 46:55
Lynn, that's how I feel about Long John Silver's. It feels very Lynn, yeah.
Speaker 3 47:01
I feel like, yeah. What was the other freshly fast food for sure, Arby's, yeah, that's very limited.
Speaker 1 47:10
There's a really cool Arby's in Austin. I don't know if you've ever seen it that it has the sign is, like the big hat. Think it's off a 71
Speaker 2 47:21
Aren't they all like that? Or is it like a different kind of sign? It's, yeah, it's a
Speaker 1 47:27
standalone sign that's really tall. Ah, okay.
Speaker 3 47:36
Oh, it's like a looks like an old classic one, yeah? Ah, okay, oh, that's like, a gigantic one, I see that's really cool.
Speaker 2 47:51
Take that haters. Harvey's first beef sandwich is delicious. Does? Do you know if the hat lights up at night? It looks like I'm pretty sure it does in this picture, it looks like it does.
Unknown Speaker 48:08
Oh, there was an article written on
Unknown Speaker 48:11
the Austin one, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. What does it say?
Speaker 3 48:18
As a bright eyed new resident of South Austin. My search for all things local nostalgia is ongoing. My latest obsession. Imagine cruising through 1970 Austin's with your old, Oldsmobile station wagon windows down, hot roast beef sandwich in hand.
Unknown Speaker 48:34
Sounds like a great day
Speaker 3 48:37
in the southeastern corner of the snarl where highway 290 meets highway 71 you'll find the oldest of Austin's three Arby's franchises, as well as the city's only remaining original 10 or original neon 10 gallon hat sign, which is used to grace, which used to Grace every new location of a Fast Food be free. Never heard it called the bee free before, but either. Thank you. Melissa Boyce, from October 4, 2018 on Austin towers.net. Yes.
Speaker 2 49:15
Thank you, Melissa. Let me just search. Beeferry, real quick, honestly, that's a common
Speaker 1 49:23
we should see how many clicks on Wikipedia it takes to go from bee free to what was it?
Speaker 3 49:30
Psychology, yes, or philosophy? Philosophy, yes, I
Unknown Speaker 49:36
don't even do that. I don't know if it's on Wikipedia
Speaker 2 49:42
that says it's not enough a standard English word, but usefully replaces or processes involving beef.
Unknown Speaker 49:52
Oh, is that why they call
Unknown Speaker 49:56
I believe it's not on here. I just want to just make like a.
Speaker 3 50:01
Like that was my nickname in high school. Or, like, old
Speaker 1 50:09
beefer, that was my first thought. Whenever you said that, I like that sounds like a derogatory term,
Unknown Speaker 50:19
hitting the old bee free today. Jack,
Unknown Speaker 50:25
so gross.
Speaker 3 50:30
Oh, man, I would like some Arby's, though I know
Unknown Speaker 50:36
the word bee free is holding us back.
Speaker 3 50:38
Maybe we can go take a picture with the classic sign was
Speaker 1 50:43
that would be awesome. Yeah, I hope it's still there.
Unknown Speaker 50:47
Can't remember
Speaker 1 50:50
if it is because I used to work somewhat close to it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 50:54
We'll have to also go see some time,
Speaker 1 50:59
another old Austin thing that I was thinking about recently was this bar called Headhunters, and it was downtown. And did you ever watch Bar Rescue?
Unknown Speaker 51:13
Yes, I love that show, John.
Speaker 1 51:19
Yeah, he's so fucking serious all the time. Yeah, he'll yell at anyone in a fucking heartbeat, but
Speaker 2 51:29
he will, like, shut up, be free. I'm here to save your bar.
Speaker 1 51:39
He went to this bar head hunters downtown, and it was just like a nasty dive bar. It like they were cleaning it out, and they're just like fucking roaches everywhere, and it was filthy. And the guy that owned the bar was a total fucking asshole. And I feel like John almost quit multiple times. Oh, but what? Yeah, one of the things they found in the bar, they actually found a roach in a bottle of vodka.
Speaker 3 52:14
They didn't know how long that one yes
Speaker 1 52:20
had been just like, Who knows if it had kind of infused vodka with, like, roach essence.
Unknown Speaker 52:32
And so that
Speaker 1 52:34
episode happened, and then the bar was open for a while after that, you know, they were trying to, like, get their money back and whatever, and be a successful bar. Well, my sister and I were downtown one night, and we were already pretty buzzed, so we decided to go
Speaker 3 52:54
get some Roach vodka. We got some podcast. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 53:04
sitting out this deck,
Speaker 1 53:07
and we were sitting out there being like, yeah, roach vodka. I mean, theoretically it shouldn't have been Roach vodka anymore, because it was after John Taffer, so, yeah, well, yeah, we did kind of roll the dice with that one. What if they just dumped the roach out and, like, kept the maybe, I don't know. I mean, we live to tell about it. So, yeah, maybe the alcohol kills off all the germs. Anyway. Yeah, I think I have pictures from that night too. I remember there being a bunch of red lighting.
Speaker 2 53:48
It's a warm to see if I can find those stop bitches.
Speaker 1 53:55
But unfortunately, that bar is unfortunately slash fortunately that bar is closed now. So anyone listening was wanting Roach vodka, you're gonna have to make your own, like the Val
Unknown Speaker 54:07
teeny, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3 54:11
like our ancestors used to do, yes, exactly, yeah. I remember in Mississippi there was this one Chinese restaurant. I think it was called, like, China star or something. I don't remember, but, uh, yeah, one person posted fucking video of they saw video approaches on the bar, and it just fucking
Unknown Speaker 54:38
Yeah, spread through the
Speaker 3 54:41
Mississippians and yeah, like, nobody fucking ate there.
Speaker 1 54:47
You know, I'm kind of surprised, because sometimes when shit like that happens, if it's a really beloved restaurant, people will kind of jump to their defense and be like, well, there's roaches everywhere. Wear, you just don't see him most of the time. Like, did anybody do that?
Unknown Speaker 55:04
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 55:07
Everyone just jumped on it and was like, ew. And, you know, just memeing on it really hard.
Speaker 1 55:12
So it is, it is shocking that it was like during the day, yeah, yeah, you know. Because, I mean, really, all restaurants do probably have roaches, we just don't see them. But if you're seeing them, yeah, that's a really bad problem, yeah.
Speaker 3 55:30
Well, they were like, out on the food bar, like, buffet bar, Oh, I thought you meant like the, like,
Unknown Speaker 55:37
liquor bar, oh, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 55:40
on the buffet bar, yeah,
Speaker 1 55:42
okay, that is worse. I can see what people didn't come to there, baby.
Speaker 1 55:55
Like, I'm learning you're fucking disgusting this episode.
Speaker 3 55:59
I was like, I know it's Mississippi, but people aren't like that.
Speaker 1 56:05
I mean, I drank potential Roach vodka, so I'm like, Well, if it was on the bar, that's not far off from what I did.
Unknown Speaker 56:11
You're trying to rationalize it.
Speaker 3 56:16
Oh no, no. It was like, Yeah, close, very close to the food.
Unknown Speaker 56:22
Yeah. I know how long it huh,
Unknown Speaker 56:25
you know how long it took for it to close down? Because I'm assuming it,
Speaker 3 56:28
I think they got new management eventually. I just remember it being, like, open for like, way longer than it should have. And you and DRock
Unknown Speaker 56:37
should go there when you go visit,
Unknown Speaker 56:41
check it out. No, we'll see.
Speaker 3 56:43
I'll ask them if it's, uh, what the reputation of it's been like.
Speaker 1 56:54
Well, um, I'm sure that this episode has made you hungry. So maybe we should sign off so we can go eat snacks.
Speaker 3 57:04
Yeah, hopefully a bug free, or as bug free as I can be. This episode was recorded remotely, so if it you know, if you're like, wait, it sounds weird, that's why. And follow us on Instagram and where you will podcast.
Unknown Speaker 57:25
Send us an email,
Unknown Speaker 57:26
nervous laughter podcast@gmail.com
Speaker 1 57:30
and if I cut Jamie off a bunch, I'm sorry. It is weird. Recording online, I feel like it takes a little bit to get used to.
Speaker 3 57:39
Yeah, yeah, same, same. Here, it's like, there's, like, a very slight delay, or, yeah, think,
Speaker 1 57:49
don't hate me just because I eat Long John Silver's and accidentally interrupt Jamie and want to kiss and I want to kiss my vet and I drink crochet
Unknown Speaker 58:01
Angie like pickles.
Unknown Speaker 58:06
Let's name all my flaws.
Speaker 3 58:12
Well, um, well, fat heads, um. We love Alyssa flaws, and we love all your unless you're breaking
Unknown Speaker 58:23
certain laws, then we don't like your flaws.
Speaker 1 58:27
Yes, and hopefully you don't have a black square over you. If you're breaking certain laws, we get to see your face.
Speaker 3 58:35
You'll be redacted from society.
Unknown Speaker 58:38
Yes, yes. We need to start. It's
Unknown Speaker 58:42
gonna be like our last mere episode.
Unknown Speaker 58:46
Yeah, pretty much live in one already, yeah.
Speaker 1 58:51
But on that note, we got a party on
Unknown Speaker 58:54
Yeah, party on fathead.
Unknown Speaker 59:10
I am ready whenever you are cool.
Unknown Speaker 59:13
Yeah, good, perfect.
Unknown Speaker 59:19
Oh, my God. I Okay, I am That was impressive. Really good.