It’s another Amnesia Christmas!!! Join us as we talk about megachurch grifts, New Years resolutions (smoking cigarettes and eating hot dogs, duh!), and our “favorite” Christmas prisoner, Jody Arias.
It’s another Amnesia Christmas!!! Join us as we talk about megachurch grifts, New Years resolutions (smoking cigarettes and eating hot dogs, duh!), and our “favorite” Christmas prisoner, Jody Arias.
Speaker 1 0:00
My mom was visiting this past weekend, and she said something that, I think that you would like, Oh, we're talking about some, some actor that came up. I can't remember who it was, but she was like, oh, yeah, I really liked him or whatever. And I was like, Oh, really. She was like, yeah, yeah, you know he, he really liked hot dogs. And I was like, right, hey, that's a valid reason to like someone, yeah. And I was just like, that is very I think Alyssa would appreciate that.
Yeah, they're a down to earth actor, you know,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 1:09
I am kind of afraid to eat a hot dog now, but I probably will have one, you know, maybe the next year, kind of wanting, like a chili dog.
Unknown Speaker 1:19
You could make it a goal to have a hot dog. Like, how I'm making it a goal to start smoking.
Speaker 1 1:24
Oh yeah, yeah, my New Year's resolution, Yeah, yours is cigarettes, mine is hot dogs. Oh, maybe I should call Santa at the end of this one, and we can ask if I can have hot dogs.
Speaker 2 1:35
Oh, yeah. I bet you'll be on the nice list. And like me, you want to do that real quick. You want to call Santa? Actually, yes, all right. Okay, hold on. We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 1:47
Tell me your Christmas wishes, and I'll tell you if you've been naughty or nice.
Speaker 1 1:52
Hey, Sienna, it's dreaming. Alyssa, again, it looks
Speaker 3 1:59
I'm glad you're back. Alyssa, I was just chatting with someone else for a moment. Now, tell me what's on your mind. Want to talk about your holiday plans or something else? Well, I think I know what I want for Christmas this year. That sounds exciting. What's on your wish list this year? Do tell I'm all ears,
Unknown Speaker 2:21
hot dogs. Hot dogs for Christmas. That's a unique,
Speaker 3 2:30
a unique what you asked, what I meant by unique. I was referring to your Christmas wish for hot dogs. It's not every day someone wishes for hot dogs under the tree.
Unknown Speaker 2:44
Well, can I get them dogs?
Speaker 3 2:48
I think I can make that happen. I'll make a note on the naughty or nice list. Hot dogs coming right up, cool
Unknown Speaker 2:56
so it looks like I'm on the nice list.
Speaker 3 3:00
Let's just say you're off to a great start. Being on the nice list is always a good thing, and I'm glad you're excited about your hot dog wish now, is there anything else you'd like to chat about, or any other wishes you'd like to share?
Unknown Speaker 3:14
Can you bring enough so I can share with my friend Alyssa?
Speaker 3 3:19
That's very thoughtful of you. Sharing is caring. After all, I'll make sure to bring a few extra hot dogs for you to share with your friend. I'm sure she'll appreciate the tasty treat.
Unknown Speaker 3:31
I will. Thank you, Santa,
Speaker 3 3:35
you're welcome, my dear. I'm glad I could help. Don't forget to leave out some milk and cookies for me on Christmas Eve, and I'll see you then.
Unknown Speaker 3:43
Would you like hot dog flavored cookies?
Speaker 3 3:48
Hot Dog flavored cookies? Well, I'm not sure if Mrs. Claus would approve of such a unique flavor, but I'm always up for trying new things. I'll consider it, but I think I'll stick with the classic milk and cookies for now. What about milk boiled with hot dogs? Whoa, hold on there. Milk boiled with hot dogs? That's a new one. I'm I'm AI Santa Claus powered by Tav is magic and technology. I'm a friendly AI designed to chat and help spread holiday juice.
Speaker 1 4:20
Wait, Cena, what were you gonna say about the milk hot dog stuff?
Speaker 3 4:25
No worries, my dear. I think I already made it clear that milk boiled with hot dogs isn't exactly on my holiday menu. Let's just say I'll stick to the classic treats, and we can leave the hot dog infused milk for another time. Now I really must be off. It was great chatting with you, and I hope you have a wonderful All right,
Speaker 2 4:45
so it looks like I'm getting my dogs, getting those dogs. Hey, thanks for asking him to throw a couple extras for me.
Speaker 1 4:51
Yeah, yeah, you know. I mean, he's not gonna give you your cigarette.
Unknown Speaker 4:54
So make it up somehow.
Speaker 2 4:57
I. Well, I'm glad that we're feeding AI with hot dog flavored milk. That'll be good.
Speaker 1 5:07
Yeah, I hope it, hope it'll get someone someday.
Unknown Speaker 5:14
And speaking of getting someone someday,
Unknown Speaker 5:18
Jodi Arias was gotten
Speaker 1 5:21
and put in prison a long time ago. Good on a previous Christmas holiday episode, I read some of her stuff and played like, you know, the old by law rendition of cool. We do have a couple of short updates from her, Oh, just Christmas updates from the past couple years. So let me just read those. They're pretty short.
Speaker 2 5:50
So they changed the flavor of chips in the commissary. I don't like it.
Speaker 1 6:01
I can't afford the commissary anymore, please send me money. Okay, so this one is and I'm so sorry if I read this on the previous episode, but this one is from December 2023, this is the 11th anniversary and a Christmas message from Jody. Here's Jody's Christmas message, yay. December is the title. In December I relax my Gluten Free rule and get into baking mode. Last week, I made a beautiful Skittles cake with aqua blue frosting. Today, I make a cheesecake with chocolate, sea salt Caramel Swirl. This world's having too much fun in person. Yeah, a lot of us make holiday food this time of year because the microwave room, lacking air conditioning is not so insufferable this winter, next up, paella. Well, something close to it loomly unit. Loomly unit is festooned with holiday decorations, making everywhere feel festive. December. Birthdays are celebrated. Secret Santa presents are exchanged, and life feels
Speaker 2 7:15
I want to know what those are. So bad. So bad.
Speaker 1 7:21
Oh yeah, I Yeah. I would love to see what a prison Secret Santa or like white elephant or whatever looks like, hell yeah, um, and life feels higher in the absence of oppressive desert heat.
Unknown Speaker 7:39
So yay, December. And yet prison?
Speaker 2 7:43
Does it really say that? Yeah, and yet, dash prison.
Unknown Speaker 7:49
Wow. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 7:52
I'm just a girl in prison, but
Speaker 1 7:57
the darkest month of the year is fraught with challenges for incarcerated women, and we haven't exactly locked arms and an altruistic bond of sisterhood, but we make the best of it however we can. I hope, wherever you are, you're staying warm and tapping into the energy of this joyous time of year. Thank you for sticking with me. I couldn't have asked for a better bunch of people much love Jody areas.
Unknown Speaker 8:27
Wow, so, um, I'm
Speaker 2 8:31
glad she's giving the bake like, what the Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 8:36
um, and
Speaker 1 8:38
the the gluten free thing, I didn't like read a bunch of it, but I was kind of skimming, looking for the holiday stuff. And another one, she's like, I'm going gluten free and stuff. I'm like, oh yeah. Because, like, one of the things, it was, like, a she listed out, like, what they got for lunch or whatever. And he was like, not gluten friendly for like, one of the items, I'm like, Bitch, shut up.
Speaker 2 9:00
Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have murdered a man, and then you could eat whatever you want. Yeah, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 9:08
we all make choices. Jody,
Unknown Speaker 9:12
you get hot dog water or hot dog milk only,
Unknown Speaker 9:16
boiled hot dog milk,
Speaker 1 9:18
and it looked like maybe she was trying to sell some stuff. Because I was just, like, scrolling up and it says, like, everything's 25% off paintings, yeah, just paintings and stuff. And it's like, if you're reading this, I want to celebrate the holidays. I want you to know I appreciate it. And it's like, but you're trying to, like, sell your
Unknown Speaker 9:39
art for people for the holiday.
Speaker 1 9:46
And then we have just one more update from her. This one's from December 16, 2024 it's the 12th anniversary, and a Christmas message from Jody. Her message is really. Short this year, I guess she's starting to give up a little bit.
Unknown Speaker 10:04
Yes, good. It says it's Christmas.
Speaker 1 10:11
Hi all. I'm feeling very grateful for all I've been given. Thank you for filling my 2024 with your generosity and love. May you have an amazing Christmas and Happy New Year. Much love Jody arias. And then there's a link to her,
Unknown Speaker 10:27
whoa, okay, I don't think this is part of her
Speaker 1 10:33
message, but I was kind of scrolling down it, or right after her message, there's a link to her, Oh, holy night rendition. And then just, I guess the person that keeps the website making comments. It's like, remember, folks, blah, blah, blah, I wish you a very Trump tastic Christmas and a safe, peaceful, prosperous and awesome filled 2025,
Speaker 2 10:53
oh, my God, I did not think about her being a Trump supporter. I'm sure she is.
Speaker 1 10:57
Yeah, yeah. This is I, the person who's running and posting these things. So that wasn't her Jody herself, that said it, yeah, probably on
Speaker 2 11:06
Yeah, yeah. I mean, if she's religious or whatever, I felt like, oftentimes
Speaker 1 11:12
I would go hand in hand, yeah. If she's singing, Oh, holy night in prison, then yeah,
Unknown Speaker 11:19
it checks out. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 11:22
well, that's all I have
Unknown Speaker 11:23
for my
Speaker 2 11:24
Yeah, awesome. Well, it seems like she puts out her Christmas newsletter a little later in December. So maybe we'll still get one for 2025,
Unknown Speaker 11:34
yeah, I think we probably will.
Unknown Speaker 11:39
Little disdain, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 11:42
Well, speaking of religious people,
Speaker 2 11:46
you know that here on nervous laughter podcast, we love a mega church, yeah, and by love, you know that means hate.
Unknown Speaker 11:56
I think last
Speaker 2 11:58
year I talked about the Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, and they do that fucking Christmas Extravaganza where there's like, live camels, and it's like, oh, this whole show, and you have to buy tickets.
Speaker 1 12:15
Oh, I think I saw an ad for that. It was like, come, come experience Bethlehem. And I'm like, it looks like it sucks.
Speaker 2 12:26
This one is like a righteous gemstones version of like Christmas. It's fucking nuts. Maybe I didn't talk about it on here before. I don't fucking know it all blends together all the fucking horrible Christian things. But anyway, they have the show there, and they sell tickets for it, which is hilarious, because they have enough money where they could just fucking put this shit on and people could go to it. Oh yeah, but I saw it on Instagram again and did a little more looking on it. Do you want to guess the cost of the cheapest ticket and the most expensive ticket? I'm going to say cheapest is 25 and the most expensive
Speaker 1 13:16
is probably some crazy, wacky VIP experience, premium package, yes, so let's say 120 for that one.
Unknown Speaker 13:26
So you're pretty close
Speaker 2 13:29
the limited view seats, which I'm like, Are you sitting behind a fucking pole? Or they're 2095, okay, we have standard ticket is also 20. Well, the rest of them are standard. And it goes like 20, 3040, 5060, and then the Premium Package, which I forgot to jot down, what that included, but it's 7095,
Speaker 1 13:56
damn so I way overestimated.
Unknown Speaker 13:59
But still, that's
Speaker 1 14:01
fucking nuts. Yeah, it's probably just like you get to meet the person who put it together,
Unknown Speaker 14:09
something I don't know.
Speaker 2 14:10
Yeah, I should have looked to see, but I did find that before every show, they have a limited seating Christmas buffet. Oh, but you have to fuck you have to fucking buy your ticket. They can't give you a fucking free meal with these $70 tickets. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. You know, like how Jesus charged people for meals. You know that's what they're doing.
Speaker 1 14:42
Do you know how much the tickets were? They buffet.
Unknown Speaker 14:48
Ages 12 and up is 2695
Speaker 2 14:52
whoa and children three to 11 are 1445, and toddlers, two and. Under are free, and it's purchased as an add on to the gift of Christmas show. When I looked the buffet was sold out, you could still get tickets to the fucking grifter show, but not the buffet, the buffet, it just seemed really expensive, just for having already bought a ticket, and then and the food doesn't seem that interesting, like they have a salad station with salad and fruit,
Unknown Speaker 15:32
they have turkey breast
Speaker 2 15:35
pot roast and a carved meat station, and then it's potatoes, dressing, carrots, green beans, cranberry vegetables and rolls, and then some fucking desserts. I mean, I guess it's not, you know, it's not like a Vegas buffet price, but I don't know where I was going. I was trying to, like, quantify, like, oh, okay, if a Vegas buffet is like, 50 and they have like, three times as much stuff, this doesn't seem like a lot for this much, I feel like you could go to Golden Corral and have a better selection. Yeah, yeah, especially after paying an entry fee. It's like, Come on, dude, yeah. And like, how many fucking jets do they own? Like, just give people some fucking carved roast beef or whatever they give out free. Y'all. That's what I'm trying to say. Think of that free jet ride. They're like, here we'll loop
Unknown Speaker 16:42
you around. Okay,
Speaker 2 16:44
oh my gosh, like Taylor Swift taking a fucking jet to her backyard. That's what they're doing. So, yeah, if you hate your life and want to go to the Prestonwood Baptist Christmas thing. Come to Plano Texas. Give them your money. Yeah, purchase a ticket, not for the buffet, though, I guess so loud
Unknown Speaker 17:13
darn well, Jamie,
Speaker 2 17:18
we have another time honored tradition here at nervous laughter, yes, and that would be, you guessed it, amnesia, Christmas.
Speaker 1 17:29
Yeah, let's all clap for amnesia, amnesia, amnesia.
Speaker 2 17:35
So this year, I wanted to mix it up a little bit, because I feel like, you know, we've had the classic story of a woman having amnesia and not
Unknown Speaker 17:47
knowing her loved ones, which has just occurred to me,
Speaker 2 17:51
I've done. This is the fourth amnesia Christmas. This is actually the first man that has amnesia. But thinking about it, maybe it's never the men that have it, because I don't know, maybe men would be like, slutty and be like, yeah, I forgot I had a wife. Here's my new girlfriend. Oh yeah. They're like, whatever. Don't really love story to me. Yeah, exactly. This man's a little different, though. So so if you would like to unveil the DVD
Speaker 1 18:30
the night before the night before Christmas, there's a dog on the cover in a box. Santa has amnesia this year, they're getting each other for Christmas. Oh, is he Santa?
Speaker 2 18:45
Yeah, Santa has amnesia. Oh, well, the family on the cover, yeah, none of them is Santa, but Santa crashes into their house and has amnesia.
Speaker 1 18:58
Oh yeah, his reindeer out for the day. Early Santa crash lands on a rooftop and loses his memory, I will say.
Speaker 2 19:08
M nature was not a very big part of this story, which I was quite disappointed by. Most of it were kind of like action items to accomplish to get all the kids in the world their Christmas presents on time. Santa, honestly, he didn't even really need to be there. He was just kind of like stumbling around every once in a while being like, Oh, I don't know. And he had the worst fucking wig and fake beard. It was awful. He was
Speaker 1 19:44
like, I don't know, I have Christmas amnesia.
Speaker 2 19:51
He did. So, yeah, like, I said, This one wasn't super exciting, so I'm just kind of gonna try to. Do a brief synopsis. So the movie starts out with Mrs. Claus helping Santa get ready for his flight around the world. And Santa's feeling nervous, and Mrs. Claus says probably the worst thing, one of the worst things you can say to somebody with anxiety. What's the worst that could happen? Okay, well, I fucking crash or, you know, and thanks for jinxing me bitch, I forget to give Jamie her hot dogs.
Unknown Speaker 20:31
All right, get amnesia.
Speaker 2 20:36
So Santa's head elf is kind of helping him get ready for the flight. They have this whole, like, fucking setup, like, it's NASA. There's like, screens and computers North Pole headquarters, yeah. And this came out in 2010 and it was released by, I don't, I forgot to look it up, but I think it's an exercise company. It's like, game or like, J, G, A, I m, something, but like, I've seen that logo on yoga yoga equipment, so I don't know why they really okay.
Speaker 1 21:16
Well, I see, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, homework, ITV Studios and game G, A, I, A, M, it's like the circle with, like the flower thing in the middle. Yeah, I wonder if that, I guess that was like product placement. I guess I don't know. Because, I mean, who watches Hallmark movies? That's white yoga. Yoga business. Yeah? Yoga, white women. Yeah.
Speaker 2 21:39
I didn't even know it was Hallmark, because on the DVD, it just shows the little yoga logo, oh,
Unknown Speaker 21:46
oh yeah, it does. It's like, boom, right there on the Ah,
Unknown Speaker 21:50
interesting. Yeah, I haven't, I don't think I've seen like, um,
Speaker 2 21:57
uh, the yoga DVD. Add stuff like, yeah, like, plastered on the DVD like that. That's interesting. Yeah, I'll look into why that is, and maybe they have other movies too. Oh yeah, maybe about a yoga teacher that gets amnesia. Oh yeah.
Unknown Speaker 22:14
So Santa has a helper named Nigel.
Speaker 2 22:22
Nigel thumb is his name. He's the the head elf. Nigel thumb very so Nigel makes a note in his log book, his 2009 log book, which comes into play later. So it's a year old. Oh, okay,
Unknown Speaker 22:40
so we meet Toby.
Speaker 2 22:43
He is a young boy. He's collecting toys for the Christmas Foundation, and he has a cardboard box and it's labeled Christmas foundation, but its foundation is spelled phonetically, so it's like, you know, like, S, H, u, y, N,
Unknown Speaker 23:05
station. So it's
Unknown Speaker 23:06
like, it looks like a kid.
Speaker 2 23:11
So he's trying to get his family to be interested and donate stuff. Because he's like, how can we expect Santa to give us presents if, if we're not gonna give to others, and his whole family is just like, Fuck you Toby, like we're fucking busy.
Speaker 1 23:31
He's kind of selfishly, selfishly motivated. That's true. Like I won't get presents if I don't give presents. So, you know,
Unknown Speaker 23:38
very true.
Speaker 2 23:42
Funny shot, so his mom's a photographer, so I guess he's in her little like photo studio, and there's pictures, like, headshots of each family member, and he's like, putting them together. And I was like, oh, like, are they divorced, or is the fucking dad dead, or something? But then the dad walks in, and he's just like, we don't have time for portraits. I have to make my
Speaker 1 24:09
I feel like it almost takes the same amount of time to just Photoshop your own family
Unknown Speaker 24:15
portrait. Yeah,
Speaker 2 24:19
I will say though these parents were fucking shitheads like the whole time, man Jay were like, Fuck y'all this is all your fault.
Speaker 1 24:27
Wait, what's all their fault? Like seeing like getting amnesia,
Speaker 2 24:31
their family not having Christmas spirit, which all get into. Oh, okay, they're not very good parents.
Unknown Speaker 24:40
So Toby
Speaker 2 24:42
goes outside to put all the donations at the curb, and he wishes on a shooting star that he would have a great Christmas and for it to snow. And it turns out that that was not a shooting star. Star that was Santa falling out of the fucking sky, like crashing and burning, basically. And so Santa, you know, comes out of the bushes. And I was like, oh, all
Speaker 1 25:18
I could think about was fast and furious, when, when Letty gets fucking amnesia.
Unknown Speaker 25:27
But yeah, like the idea of wishing upon a
Unknown Speaker 25:30
crash. Yeah,
Speaker 1 25:33
like, oh, look, there goes that car off the road. Quick Make a wish.
Speaker 2 25:40
Oh, a train wreck. This is the perfect time for my dreams to come true. So they bring Santa in the house. And of course, you know, Toby thinks he's fucking real, but everyone else in the family is like, fuck is this random dude on the couch?
Speaker 1 26:01
Like those AI fucking things people are doing, yeah, there's a homeless guy out the couch. Oh, I'm getting him water
Unknown Speaker 26:11
turns into a shitty mobile game.
Speaker 2 26:16
And then, of course, the sister, her name is Katie, she's a stereotypical, like, shitty teenager. She's like, Toby Santa would not be here on the night before the night before Christmas. So you
Unknown Speaker 26:32
get the title in there.
Unknown Speaker 26:34
Oh, she said the thing. She said the thing. So,
Speaker 2 26:41
oh yeah. And the mom says, Is there any creature more bizarre than a teenager? So I'm like,
Unknown Speaker 26:49
grade a dialog, yeah.
Speaker 2 26:55
So Santa's just like, literally, he's like, passed out. Like, y'all aren't worried that there's a guy that's not conscious on your fucking couch. And they're like, yeah, we'll just let him sleep and we'll deal with in the morning like it's exactly what you're not supposed to do for a concussed person. But yeah, okay,
Speaker 1 27:14
and you know, it's a stranger in their house, exactly the best option is just take them to the hospital and just dump them off.
Speaker 2 27:22
They're like, Toby, you keep an eye on him, Child, yeah. And that's kind of what happens, because when Santa finally wakes up, like, Toby's there with him, and they're, like, trying to figure out who he is. And then the mom and dad, they're, you know, they're both, like, busy career people that don't have time for anything. And the mom's like, oh, we need to take him to the ER. And the dad's like, I don't have time. I have a flight to catch and let Toby take them. That would be awesome. Toby does go somewhere on his own later. Oh, okay, alert.
Speaker 1 28:02
Very home alone, yes, so
Speaker 2 28:06
dad, they play rock paper scissors. Dad loses, and so it's his job to take Santa to the ER, what a
Speaker 1 28:15
way to decide something? Yeah, it's important. It needs to get done to
Speaker 2 28:19
adults who's gonna take this random ass guy in their car and the husband's like, I'm not doing
Speaker 1 28:27
Yeah, oh, rock paper scissors. You for it.
Speaker 2 28:31
But yeah, he loses. So he has to take him, and then the flight that he's supposed to be on is never mentioned again. Okay? I guess he just Yeah, who knows Change of plans? Glad it wasn't that big of a deal. Yeah. So they're walking out the door, and they find Nigel thumb at the door, and he's tracked down Santa from his GPS.
Unknown Speaker 29:02
He's like, Oh my god, Santa, what happened?
Speaker 2 29:06
And they end up realizing that Nigel used the wrong log book, and Santa left a day early. And I guess the reason why he crashed is because Christmas magic only happens on Christmas Eve, so with the schedule being thrown off, that's maybe why he fell out of the sky, because, like, the magic couldn't keep him in the air. Oh, yeah, that's a it was. It was kind of unclear.
Speaker 1 29:39
I don't know that's like an oversight on engineering of the sled.
Speaker 2 29:45
Well, it's funny that you say that because Nigel asks to see the sled, and it turns out that it has a broken altimeter, which is the fucking thing that controls altitude. Oh, okay. I was like, did they just make that word up? I thought so too, but apparently not. Okay, some form of research. Yeah. So the dad, his busy career is with airplanes, so he's like, I'll order an altimeter for you.
Unknown Speaker 30:20
Very convenient, very convenient.
Speaker 1 30:27
What if his job is just catching planes like, just writing, yeah, just writing planes like, oh, I have to go catch my flight. Oh, I have to catch another flight. Like, all he does for work,
Speaker 2 30:38
it would be awesome. And so then the movie cuts to the donation center. Oh, shit, I forgot to include a part. Oh, okay, it doesn't really matter.
Unknown Speaker 30:55
I'll just kind of go back.
Speaker 2 30:58
So whenever Toby was putting the donations on the curb, Santa's magic sack that he has toys in was like in the bushes. So when the donation guy came to pick up the donations, he saw the sack and thought it was a donation, so he took that with him, and then, conveniently, he left a receipt on the door of everything that he picked up
Unknown Speaker 31:28
giant red bag.
Speaker 2 31:31
That's exactly what happened. So then we cut to the donation center, and we see a lady unloading presents out of the bag, and then it's like, the whole room fills up. And she's like, I don't know how all these fit in the bag. Oh, God, fucking stupid. So they're trying to jog Santa's memory by holding up different Christmas items to try to get him to know he's Santa. And remember what Christmas is, I guess I don't fucking know, and he's a horrible actor, and he's just like, oh.
Unknown Speaker 32:12
He's like, this is lovely, but I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 32:17
Give me some Tyra Banks ice cream. I want to smize Santa smiles.
Speaker 2 32:26
So they're like, doing all these things, and you can kind of see they're coming together as a family, because they're like, maybe if we sing carols together, he'll remember.
Unknown Speaker 32:37
I can't see
Speaker 1 32:38
from how you have described the parents, I can't see them giving enough bucks to do anything like that.
Speaker 2 32:44
I know they're the most neglectful bitches ever. So I guess the elf Nigel is like, he'll need to get a Christmas tree because it's the day before the day, or what is it? The night before the night before Christmas, and they don't have a fucking tree up yet. Oh, yeah, and they have kids. I'm like, Y'all are fucking shitty. So the mom is like, I'll go get a tree. She wants to leave. And then Katie, the sister, is like, I have to go hang out with my friend. And Toby's like, you're supposed to help us save Christmas Where are you
Speaker 1 33:24
going? Oh, so he's left alone with Santa.
Speaker 2 33:27
Yeah, it's him and the dad and Nigel. And the dad's the boys, just the boys. And the dad's like, we'll make Christmas cookies, buddy.
Unknown Speaker 33:39
We don't need your bitch, Mom anyway,
Speaker 2 33:41
yeah, pretty much. So the mom goes to drop Katie off at her friend's house, and they have this, like,
Unknown Speaker 33:49
heart to heart, and
Unknown Speaker 33:52
the or Katie is, like,
Speaker 2 33:54
the reason I want to come to my friend's house is because, like, they have a real Christmas every year. And like, we never do Christmas anymore. And yeah, the mom is just like, I just, I get busy.
Speaker 1 34:11
I have a job to do to keep a roof over your head.
Speaker 2 34:15
That's essentially what she says. And like, Katie ends up fucking apologizing. I'm like, No, Katie, you are being severely neglected. Yeah, no. And then, like, they make up, and Katie texts her friend, and it's like, actually, I'm not coming over. I'm gonna go pick out a Christmas tree with my mom.
Speaker 1 34:37
Like, the mom would be like, I drove you all the way out here, and you're
Unknown Speaker 34:41
get your ass in there,
Speaker 2 34:43
you're totally right. Think about that dude, like, if I made a decision, my mom would not fucking let me change my mind. Yeah, I had this memory the other day of being younger, and I had long hair, and I decided. Decided I wanted to cut it, like shoulder length, but then I changed my mind, and she was like, No, we're at the salon. You're getting a haircut. So they had, like, shitty hair.
Unknown Speaker 35:10
Oh yeah, she would get along with this lady. Let's
Speaker 2 35:18
see. So after they have their heartwarming exchange, we're 40 minutes in at this point, and she goes, Oh my god, this is so bad. It's worse than the Lindsay Lohan movie, which it definitely was way worse. And if you don't remember. That was the movie falling for Christmas from 2022 and that was the first year of amnesia. Christmas. Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 1 35:51
I feel like this movie is probably at least better than Christmas in Mississippi.
Speaker 2 35:56
Oh, I will say it was better than the second amnesia Christmas movie I did, which I I don't remember the name,
Speaker 1 36:08
I don't either, but it was like, the divorce papers, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2 36:15
yeah, there's that one, and then there's the one that was like the Martha Stewart Type lady, and then she was, like, in a cabin on my way. Oh, I think I kind of remember, because she was like, Oh, how do I know how to do all this stuff or whatever? Yeah, yeah, a
Unknown Speaker 36:35
couple of them are kind of blending together
Speaker 1 36:37
my head. I mean, they're pretty much the same storyline. They are they have slight differences.
Unknown Speaker 36:46
See so
Speaker 2 36:51
OG also said that Toby, the little boy, looks like an off brand Haley Joel Osmond, which he kind of does you have the DVD if you want to compare, tell the fat heads what you think
Speaker 1 37:06
you know he does. Yeah, I would say if you just, like, swap the eyes out or something. Yeah, yeah. It is very like Haley, Joel, Osmond ish.
Speaker 2 37:22
So they come back to the house with the tree, and while they're decorating the tree, both parents cell phones start ringing, and it's like, oh, work is pulling them away. So they each go to their separate offices, and they're like, the dad catches the flight.
Unknown Speaker 37:40
I hate my hate my family.
Unknown Speaker 37:46
And so the kids,
Speaker 2 37:49
they're like, oh, they didn't change. They're they're still neglecting us. And while the parents are distracted, Katie happens to find the receipt for the donation stuff that says they have the big red bag for presents. Okay, so they're like, You know what? We got to go fucking get this. So her and Toby and Nigel, the elf and Santa, all take a fucking taxi to the donation center to go get
Unknown Speaker 38:21
it nice, and then
Speaker 2 38:26
basically, they go to, like, multiple places to try to find it, because they'll get somewhere. And then somebody's like, oh, I gave it to that guy over there. Oh yeah, they're kind of on a little wild goose chase. So did they go
Speaker 1 38:41
there earlier before, like, That lady was unpacking the bag?
Speaker 2 38:47
Oh, no, that was just like the camera showed it, okay, okay, okay. They picked up the donations from the curb and then took it to, like a donation center.
Speaker 1 38:57
Okay, so it was just showing that, like it arrived somewhere, and they're like, Oh, wow.
Unknown Speaker 39:01
This is so weird. This is so magical.
Speaker 2 39:04
Yeah, exactly. So finally, they track down someone that says they have the bag, or they were told that he had the bag, but that guy gave it to a Santa Claus that was entering a Santa Claus competition. Okay, so there's like, 20 different Santas and 20 different red bags, and they're like, which one's the real one? Okay, yeah, yeah, it makes total sense that would happen. So, they're like, oh, we gotta enter Santa in the competition, and then we can find the bag. But like, the cut off has closed for entry to the competition, so Nigel gets in a fight with the guy running the Santa competition, and he fucking gets kicked out of the mall.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
Or wherever they are.
Unknown Speaker 40:02
Okay, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 40:04
so we're an hour in at this point, and
Speaker 2 40:11
the parents, they made it to the mall somehow they figured out where the kids went. They're just like, Where the fuck are the kids Exactly? And they're like, Why didn't you tell us? And the daughter's like, Well, I tried to, but you're on your phones. Yeah? Typical busy parents, busy parents. So then Toby is just overwhelmed by all of it, so he just, like, runs away into
Speaker 1 40:39
the hall. Yeah? Oh, my God,
Unknown Speaker 40:46
did you do that? No,
Speaker 1 40:47
it just reminded me of, there's a video game called, I think it's called heavy rain. But in the beginning, you lose your son, Jason and Amal, and he has like a red balloon, and he runs off. And, you know, of course, you see like other things that look like red balloons, but you can hit a button that calls his name. So he just runs around. He just keeps yelling, Jason,
Unknown Speaker 41:10
Jason, Toby, Jason,
Unknown Speaker 41:16
oh, it's just constant yelling, Jason.
Speaker 2 41:20
They needed that for Toby, yeah, yeah, Toby, Toby.
Speaker 1 41:26
So, like, sorry, that just sounds like something someone named Toby would do. That is Toby behavior. Yeah, you're right coded, yeah, to be coded.
Speaker 2 41:38
So the whole family kind of goes different directions, looking for Toby and Santa is the one that finds him. He's like, Oh, Toby's on my carousel. Even though I don't know what a carousel is, because I have amnesia,
Speaker 1 41:53
I mind you just like crying on the carousel, like, keeps going on around and around, like, my life and you just can't get off.
Speaker 2 42:02
That's basically what it is. But he's, he's not sitting on a horse or, you know, whatever other shit is on a carousel. He's sitting in one of the, like, stationary seats, just kind of like staring and choice. Well, yeah, well, gee. Was like, Oh, he's sitting in a seat because somebody's gonna come sit next to him. Okay, okay, yeah, I had to set that up. So Santa is the one that finds him. And you know, he's like my parents.
Speaker 1 42:33
You know, don't love me. My dad won't stop taking flights to places.
Speaker 2 42:40
He keeps ordering altimeters, but not speaking to me. So Toby's asking Santa if he can come back to the North Pole with him and Nigel, because he's like my parents won't even know.
Speaker 2 43:00
And guess who is behind them that they didn't see, but the mom, so she hears all,
Unknown Speaker 43:07
she's like, What the fuck did he used to say?
Speaker 1 43:10
No, he's lying. I would never say anything like that.
Unknown Speaker 43:13
You're making me look bad in front of Santa.
Speaker 2 43:19
I'm so glad that you just, like, totally understood the mom character. Well, I'm not glad that you understand a mother figure like that. But you know what I mean? Yeah, we know the real behind the scenes of how this would have gone if it was not a Hallmark movie.
Speaker 1 43:37
Yeah, when Toby runs away, she's probably like, why? Yeah, get me some cigarettes.
Unknown Speaker 43:41
Yeah, God, get a little break from that little shit. Fuck.
Speaker 2 43:49
So they're with the mom now and then they go find the dad and Katie and
Unknown Speaker 43:58
the dad's like, we're a family,
Speaker 2 44:01
we should start acting like one. I'm like, this is your fucking fault. You are shitty parents. The kids are begging to hang out with you. Yeah. I was like, That does not sound like something that dad would say, yeah. I'm like, you're just not taking accountability. Yeah, at all. Y'all fucking suck. Oh, in a couple different points while this whole interaction is taking place. First, the mom calls work and it's like, Charles, I'm not going to make the deadline. I have to spend Christmas with my family. And then at one point, the dad's like, oh, I called work too. I'm going to spend Christmas with my family, and they said they think that's a great idea. I'm like, What fucking planet are y'all living what it's like? It seems like they could have just done this, like, years ago, and it wasn't a big deal at all for the mistake work. I know there's they have, like a 16 year old and probably like a 10. Year old, and they're like, Oh, we're discovering the concept taking off on Christmas. Like, what the fuck? Oh yeah,
Unknown Speaker 45:09
it's unfortunate.
Speaker 2 45:16
Whenever the mom called to take off work. Toby, was like, I love you, mom, and I was drinking water as that happened.
Unknown Speaker 45:29
Oh, nice. Almost had a spit take.
Unknown Speaker 45:31
Yeah, spit take.
Unknown Speaker 45:37
Let's see.
Speaker 1 45:38
Oh, wait, did he sell that to the mom on the phone, or just like talking to the sky, like, I love you, mom.
Speaker 2 45:45
Well, he was sitting next to the mom when she called and said, I can't work. Okay, gosh, you got the phone. He's like, I
Unknown Speaker 45:52
love you. Oh, okay,
Unknown Speaker 45:55
thank you for caring about me for
Speaker 2 45:57
once, yeah, for one time in my 10 years have been alive. Somehow I can't remember. It doesn't really matter. They end up finding that the Santa bag has been taken to a homeless shelter. So they go there to get it, which I'm like, maybe they just should leave it that way. Everyone can get what they need. Yeah? I mean, it sounds like the bag has wound up in places that like it needs fine, yeah, though, I guess maybe the logic is he needs it so he can give them to all the kids around the world, the shit that they need.
Speaker 1 46:37
Yeah, because he hasn't gotten his Christmas presents yet either, and he already gave Christmas presents.
Speaker 2 46:43
So, you know, he fucked around and got amnesia, so
Unknown Speaker 46:50
a lot of kids might not get their gifts,
Speaker 2 46:54
so they have to wait for the guy that has the bag to get it back to the shelters. Of course, they all hang out, and they're like, passing out soup to people and like, fucking singing carols together and shit a real Christmas, yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, the world is healing. We're coming together. And at this point, Nigel tells Santa he's sorry. And he's like, I failed you, Santa, like, if I wouldn't have got the wrong date, none of this would have happened. And Santa's like, it's fine. Actually, you're getting a promotion. Be because you've been working really hard to save Christmas and he's like, You got this family back together. And this is a direct quote. If that's not Christmas magic, I don't know what is
Unknown Speaker 47:59
a nice cigarette.
Unknown Speaker 48:01
One might say,
Speaker 2 48:04
I would say a Christmas cigarette is superior. Yeah, all So, okay, so Santa's amnesia is cured. Um, oh, yeah, you're right. He somehow, like, knows that what Nigel's been working hard and that what Christmas is. But no, it's actually not
Unknown Speaker 48:20
cured yet. Oh, that's a pothole. Good observation.
Speaker 2 48:25
Yeah, Christmas magic, that's all, yeah, maybe he's coming back out of it, I don't fucking know. So after all of this, Santa doesn't have his memory completely back. We also find out that the dad fucked around and never ordered the altimeter, which
Speaker 1 48:44
they need. He was like, I lied. I don't work with airplanes. Well, I don't even catch flights.
Unknown Speaker 48:51
I've never seen a plane before.
Speaker 2 48:54
Well, what it was, he was like, Well, I didn't think that you were the real Santa. So why would I get it? Like, I mean, you said you would, though, yeah, you're not a man of your word and you're a shitty father.
Unknown Speaker 49:07
Yeah, you suck suck an egg
Speaker 2 49:12
or a hot dog. Let's see. Okay, so earlier in the movie, we learned that when you reach into the red bag, it will give the person who the gift is intended for exactly what they need. So if I reached into the bag right now, I would get cigarettes. Yeah, you would get a hot dog, the nervous laughter Christmas, yeah, so they like, well, you reach into the bag, and I'll prove I'm saying that, because you'll get exactly what you need. And the dad reaches in the bag, and the gift is an altimeter. Oh, so it's not really a gift for him. Know, Like it's just something he said he would get, yeah, it's like a passive aggressive gift.
Unknown Speaker 50:07
Um, actually,
Speaker 1 50:09
I feel like someone's just gonna get like bit when they suck their stick their hand in the back.
Unknown Speaker 50:14
That would be awesome.
Speaker 2 50:17
So at this point, the parents realize that Santa is real, and then the dad is like, oh my god, Christmas is in jeopardy. And they're kind of, they install the altimeter, but they're like, well, Santa doesn't know the route because he has amnesia, so how is he going to get around? So now we're in like, the problem stage, where there's going to be a bunch of dumbass problems that pop up. Oh, okay, okay, of course, yeah. And then they're like, well, Nigel knows the route, so he'll go with Santa. And everybody's like, Nigel will be Santa's memory presents. Mr. Thumb, yeah, Mr. Thumb. And then Katie and Toby, they've kind of been bickering while they're getting the sleigh ready,
Unknown Speaker 51:14
and earlier in the movie,
Speaker 2 51:17
the way that Katie found out that Santa was real is because she was talking to Nigel, and he was like, I know what you asked for for Christmas when you were seven. And she was like, prove it. And so he whispered it in her ear, and she was like, Don't tell anybody that.
Speaker 1 51:34
So there wasn't gonna be like, Oh no, I'm not gonna try to guess. Was it gonna be like world peace or some shit like that. It's a Yeah, kind of oh, wait for her parents to fall or to not fall out of love or something.
Speaker 2 51:50
So she's bickering with her brother, and Nigel is like, you know what she wished for when she was seven, a baby brother,
Unknown Speaker 52:00
and she got it.
Unknown Speaker 52:02
And then, of course, they like, I love you.
Speaker 2 52:07
Well, then one more problem arises, apparently, to fucking get the sleigh going, there's a magic word, and Santa doesn't remember it because he has amnesia. So they do this whole thing, trying to remember the magic word. And then, like the mom packed him some hot cocoa to take on the trip, which is what Mrs. Claus did before he left. So he remembers his wife, and then he's like, Oh, the magic word is Mrs. Claus. And then his amnesia is
Unknown Speaker 52:40
cured. The magic word is booby,
Unknown Speaker 52:44
tit oil.
Speaker 2 52:47
Oh, that's what we would get if we reached tit oil, you get tin oil. So, yeah, um, but before Santa leaves, he's gonna give people presents from the bag, so Toby reaches in. And it's funny. You say it would be funny if someone got bit because Toby reaches in and gets the puppy that he's been wanting, and his parents were too busy to get it for him.
Unknown Speaker 53:17
So the puppy on the cover comes in at like, the end of the movie, yeah,
Speaker 2 53:21
well, in Toby's room, he had, he has, like, this sad fucking collage of dogs, because he wants a dog so bad. Oh, yeah, Toby's very much.
Speaker 1 53:33
Now, if I get you this dog, you're gonna take care of it. You're responsible for it. Walking this dog. I'm not giving it food, yeah? You have to feed it. Okay, it's your dog. I didn't ask for this puppy. You asked for this puppy. You know, eight years old. You want to take care of another living thing.
Speaker 2 53:53
Gonna have to stop playing video games and scoop the poop out of the yard. Your dad stepped in it again.
Unknown Speaker 54:01
So, yeah, Toby gets the dog.
Speaker 2 54:05
And also, at some point, Toby said that, basically he wanted it like a white Christmas, for it to snow.
Unknown Speaker 54:13
Whoa, whoa, Nazi,
Unknown Speaker 54:17
whoa, have a trumptastic
Unknown Speaker 54:20
Christmas, like they all
Unknown Speaker 54:22
have Maga hats, and then it ends
Speaker 2 54:25
but, yeah, Santa makes it snow, and then he flies away while it's snowing, and the family's like, oh, it's snowing, and we're all together again.
Unknown Speaker 54:36
It's the magic of Christmas, yeah?
Speaker 2 54:39
So that was the night before the night before Christmas.
Speaker 1 54:44
Another great amnesia movie. It sounds like the amnesia wasn't a big star
Speaker 2 54:49
of the it really wasn't. And I was pretty disappointed in that it was more about getting this stupid bag Yeah, and then yeah, and that didn't even work. Eric man, yeah, I wanted more like, Oh, why do I? Why am I good with reindeer? What happened in my life before?
Unknown Speaker 55:14
How do I know how to speak Spanish? Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 2 55:20
So this was definitely the mildest dose of amnesia we've got in these movies so far.
Speaker 1 55:26
Yeah, it was, but it did have Santa Claus in it, yeah, which, yeah, he's their first male amnesia person. So yeah, but that is interesting. I didn't realize that, yeah, it has pretty much been all female amnesia. So yeah, maybe we can find more male male
Unknown Speaker 55:44
niches. Male niches,
Speaker 2 55:49
yeah, well, thank you for coming along on another amnesia Christmas journey with me. Yeah, thank you for finding us another one to right along with there's still a couple more on my list. Oh yeah, I'm sure that they'll be releasing even more, because it's a thing.
Speaker 1 56:07
Yeah, and Hallmark will still exist.
Speaker 2 56:10
So when I was flipping through movies on the Library app, I saw that there's some kitty movie that's basically supposed to be Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Oh, it's a Christmas movie. But of course, they can't use the real names,
Speaker 1 56:31
so just like pop star and football player, okay, football hunk or some shit like that, they fall in love at Christmas. Oh, man, wonderful.
Unknown Speaker 56:42
Yeah. So
Speaker 2 56:46
don't get amnesia over Christmas fat heads. And we hope you enjoy your time, amnesia free.
Speaker 1 56:55
Yeah, yeah. And hope you get those cigarettes or hot dogs that you want for Christmas,
Unknown Speaker 57:02
or tin oil, yeah, or tit oil, wait,
Speaker 1 57:05
yeah, whatever you like. And yeah, uh, have happy holidays and stuff. You know,
Unknown Speaker 57:13
ho ho ho
Speaker 1 57:16
party on