Join us for yet another weird taste test! We follow it up with strange news- get your weiner whistles ready!
Join us for yet another weird taste test! We follow it up with strange news- get your weiner whistles ready!
Speaker 1 0:00
So on Sunday, I went and saw Jamie's sketch show, which she's been doing every month, which has been awesome Sunday night, live, yeah, first Sunday of every month. Check it out. But the last scene they did had one of my favorite elements of TV, movies, whatever, which is a spit take. Yeah. Fucking love those. And it made me remember a memory from being a kid. So I've always loved spit takes. And there's a day where I was hanging out with my uncle, and I guess, like we're playing outside, but then we, like, kept coming inside the house. And he told me, Hey, if you come inside again after this, you're gonna have to stay inside. And I thought that that would be the perfect time to try doing a spit take with my water, because I thought everybody would be like, Oh, my God, Alyssa is so fucking funny, but they were all pissed.
Unknown Speaker 1:28
you idiot! How old were you?
Unknown Speaker 1:34
I have no idea,
Speaker 2 1:37
less than 10. That's such funny. Kid lost between five and 10.
Speaker 1 1:42
I was like, this is always funny. When they do it on TV. I'm gonna knock this out of the park. These adults are
Speaker 2 1:48
gonna think I'm hilarious. Yeah? What you need to put that girl in comedy school?
Speaker 1 1:54
Yeah, this is our own comedy School. Welcome to nervous laughter Podcast.
Unknown Speaker 2:01
I'm Jamie, I'm Alyssa.
Unknown Speaker 2:05
Oh, I bet,
Speaker 1 2:11
I bet that was so fun to do. Oh, yeah, it was, yeah, it was Joe. Practice it or no, okay, yeah, we're just like, we'll just make you get spit on once. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 2:21
And also, there was a bit where
Speaker 2 2:24
basically someone was baby bird, Mama birding, baby birding, some food to someone. And that was also just, we did not practice that. That was, yeah,
Speaker 1 2:35
that was probably one of my favorite sketches that y'all have done. It was just so fucking ridiculous.
Unknown Speaker 2:44
That was some commitment.
Unknown Speaker 2:45
Yeah, yeah, good, great, yeah.
Speaker 2 2:49
Friend of the podcast, Mike, that was the one who received the mask. He was the baby bird. Yeah, he was the baby bird. He was the closing spit take, and we all spit on him. He kept he was Michael Jackson. He was like, you know, dancing and we're like, spitting on him. Anyway, it was good. Times.
Unknown Speaker 3:11
That was fun.
Speaker 1 3:14
Well, actually, that goes into our next thing quite well. The podcast gods have blessed me again with a very weird food. Um, I have one more weird food this month. I'll probably wait a couple weeks, but this one I apologize for in advance
Unknown Speaker 3:42
it's gonna be it's
Speaker 1 3:44
gonna be interesting. Would you like to know what it is? Or do you want to try it and try to guess it's a liquid? Ooh, it's a soda. I think I'm tempted to
Speaker 2 3:56
try to guess what it is. Okay? I assume it's just like a flavor of an existing soda.
Speaker 1 4:03
Like it's just wacky. It's its own thing. Okay, one of those kind of little jokes. So, yes, I'm taste like grass, exactly.
Speaker 2 4:13
Okay. Now I'm worried, but okay, at least No, it's not pickles, because you seem worried.
Unknown Speaker 4:19
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 4:22
I feel like maybe I've tried the pickle one, but okay, of course you have you nasty pickle bit
Unknown Speaker 4:30
your eyes and I'll,
Speaker 2 4:34
oh, I think I might have saw it. I think I saw it before you did it. I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. Okay, okay, take a small,
Unknown Speaker 4:45
weird vinegar.
Unknown Speaker 4:50
I'm very sorry. Cheers, I guess so I
Speaker 1 4:57
think about plug my nose, then you won't get the full of. Oh, okay. I know I'm actually kind of scared.
Unknown Speaker 5:03
I'll go first,
Speaker 1 5:06
but then I have to see how you're Oh, okay. It's the smell is way worse than the face. Oh, okay.
Speaker 2 5:13
That's a lot sweeter than I thought it would be. Okay, okay, okay. So, yeah, the smell really is just worse. The smell is awful. I don't think I want to keep drinking it, but, um, but, yeah, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Did you see what it was? Ranch? Is that I don't even see the word. I just saw, like, vegetables. And I was like, oh, it's fucking ranch. You know, this really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yeah, it's not, it's it's really weird, but
Speaker 1 5:46
so I guess this is by Lester's fixings, and says ranch dressing soda, y'all get your fix ins is the tagline, and it's y, E R
Unknown Speaker 6:00
your instead of your, your you're okay,
Speaker 1 6:06
yeah, so thank you for that. That was Mr. Lester. That was a little scary, but yeah, made it through. Thank you for providing that. I've seen it before and have been thinking about getting it, but my sister and I went to world market, and it was in their sales section, and I was like,
Unknown Speaker 6:23
Oh, of course, it was on sale
Speaker 1 6:26
years ago. My friend and I tried the corn soda. Oh, and it was definitely better than this. Oh, okay, cool. I don't
Speaker 2 6:35
think I ever, I don't think I ever gotten any of those, like, weird tasting sodas before. I feel like this does
Unknown Speaker 6:42
have an aftertaste of ranch, though.
Speaker 3 6:46
Maybe I yeah, maybe yeah, maybe I didn't have enough.
Speaker 1 6:52
Actually, I'm gonna move this bottle because I'm afraid I'm gonna knock it on your carpet, yeah, and then
Unknown Speaker 6:58
it's gonna smell fucking off.
Unknown Speaker 7:02
Oh. Lester's like a cute old man.
Speaker 1 7:07
It's kind of a fucked up old man, though, if you think about it, they can ranch soda
Speaker 2 7:14
so he could be getting up to something else, like drugs. Alyssa, you know,
Unknown Speaker 7:19
just see what other sodas they have bacon?
Speaker 1 7:23
Oh, peanut butter and jelly? Oh, sweet corn. That's one I've tried
Unknown Speaker 7:29
buffalo sauce.
Speaker 1 7:32
Oh, as seen on the Drew Barrymore show what the buffalo one buffalo just the sodas, I guess.
Unknown Speaker 7:39
Okay, okay. Oh, Drew,
Speaker 1 7:44
let's see, oh, chocolate, bacon, Henrich dressing.
Unknown Speaker 7:51
I guess that's all of them. But I'd
Speaker 2 7:53
actually like to try the peanut butter and jelly one. Yeah,
Speaker 1 7:57
if I find it, I'll get it. Ooh, I also see that. I don't think this is Lester spixins, but you know that cookie dough, candy like you can get at the movies, and little box? Yeah, I have a soda of
Unknown Speaker 8:09
that. Oh,
Speaker 2 8:15
I know they're both just like sweet things, but it just doesn't, it does not sound good. I remember, um, this was from, it was from a movie. So, I mean, it probably just like actually exists anywhere. But, um, do you ever watch a movie called I'm gonna get your sucker? No, but that sounds really familiar. It's just like a very jokey movie. There's, they have, like, a pimp of the year, when it's like, like a beauty pageant, like, for pimps kind of and stuff, but, um, but yeah. So they they had, like, oh, here, have a bean soda. And I don't know why that always just stuck with me. Just like, bean soda, that might be where my distinct I was just gonna say beans and stuff in places they don't belong. Came from.
Speaker 1 9:06
I saw Okay, so we have a little weird news corner
Speaker 2 9:12
breaking news,
Unknown Speaker 9:17
thank you for the baby beeps.
Speaker 1 9:21
This might happen to us after drinking the ranch soda,
Unknown Speaker 9:26
I just started squeezing
Unknown Speaker 9:27
my butt. I was like, No, I don't want to have diarrhea.
Unknown Speaker 9:32
Well, 531
Speaker 1 9:34
patients accidentally told they're dead after shocking and upsetting health system error. I thought I meant like we might die from the soda, but that doesn't really make sense. Yeah, I got this article from people.com not People Magazine, because it's the website, as we encountered last week, people, people, but on Monday, October. 20th Maine Health sent out letters of condolence to 531 patients, along with information on how their next of kin could resolve their estate. The organization said in a statement that the letters were accidentally sent due to an error in Maine Health's computer system. They interviewed a lady about it, and honestly, at first, I thought she was being a little dramatic, because she was bothered by it. I was like, Who fucking cares? It's kind of funny in a way. Yeah, you get a letter that you're dead. But she did point out that she was worried that the hospital that this meant that the hospital had, like, reported her dead to Social Security, which would cause you just like, a world of fucking shit. I don't even know what would happen. Yeah. So I was like, oh, sorry, ma'am. Or maybe they were planning to kill her, maybe and 531 others, yeah, the woman added that she has an outstanding bill from Maine Health, and the rest of the condolence letter that she got was about the company trying to collect from her estate. Sorry you died, but pay up.
Unknown Speaker 11:28
Oh, god, wow. Yeah, a little bit of
Unknown Speaker 11:33
a little dark ending there.
Speaker 1 11:37
Yeah, I have one other strange article. So I saw a post saying that the Oscar Mayer people were hiring wiener mobile drivers. Oh, I was like, oh, hell, yeah. But I Googled it, and it turns out that was an old article. I think have a hiring freeze now, yeah, I think the article is from like December of last year that I found out a little bit information about the drivers, which we thought was interesting. They call people that drive for them hot doggers.
Unknown Speaker 12:22
So sorry, baby, I gotta go just the life of a hot dog,
Unknown Speaker 12:28
wild, hot Dogger.
Speaker 1 12:33
As a hot Dogger, you will represent Oscar Meyer at more than 200 events throughout the year. Whoa, yeah, so that's like they like own you, yes, yeah, fucking wild.
Unknown Speaker 12:50
That will involve
Unknown Speaker 12:52
handing out more than 250,000
Unknown Speaker 12:56
wiener whistles to fans.
Speaker 2 12:58
Whoa, I'm a driver. I'm not a whistle passer, hacker.
Unknown Speaker 13:03
I forgot to look up the Wiener
Speaker 1 13:07
whistle, so I'm going to do that real quick, because I might want one.
Unknown Speaker 13:13
Make sure you put Oscar Meyer and
Unknown Speaker 13:16
Oh, super expensive. Very
Speaker 1 13:19
good idea. I want a wiener whistle. Oh, my God, it's fucking cute. Let me make this picture bigger.
Unknown Speaker 13:27
Oh, it is cute.
Speaker 2 13:29
I mean, it's just like a little plastic wiener mobile. Yeah, it doesn't
Speaker 1 13:33
this just looks cute. Oh, it's a rare wiener whistle for $16.56
Unknown Speaker 13:43
on eBay, Alyssa has got her eye on it. Got my eye on it.
Unknown Speaker 13:49
Oh, here's two vintage 1950
Speaker 1 13:52
Oscar Mayer wiener whistles. And this is maybe before they had the Wiener mobile, just little hot
Speaker 2 13:58
dog, just wieners. Well, yeah, just, just the dog swings
Speaker 1 14:04
between the wings. These are fucking cool. Yeah, I like them. Yeah. So when you're a hot Dogger, you get $35,000 a year, but you're also getting, like, a food and hotel allowance,
Unknown Speaker 14:23
like hot dogs,
Unknown Speaker 14:27
so to eat hot dogs all
Unknown Speaker 14:28
year, three hot dogs a day.
Unknown Speaker 14:33
Yikes. That would be bad. But
Speaker 1 14:36
I feel like this job would be really great for a certain type of person. You know, if you're, yeah, if you're just kind of a wanderer and you like getting out and talking to people
Unknown Speaker 14:48
I love your life's for you.
Unknown Speaker 14:52
I feel, yeah, I feel like this could be awesome.
Speaker 2 14:55
Was there any other benefit? Sorry, I think you said food stipend. And then, like,
Unknown Speaker 14:59
yeah, food Hotel. Hell, and you get full health insurance.
Speaker 2 15:01
Oh, really. So okay, world makes it kind of more appealing, yeah, and I mean, if I mean, that's just $35,000 that's just yours, because you're getting all your other
Speaker 1 15:18
I did the math, and if you're doing 200 wiener events a year, it's $175
Unknown Speaker 15:25
per event. Okay, so, but I mean,
Speaker 1 15:29
it seems decent. If you're getting money for food and hotels and stuff and insurance,
Unknown Speaker 15:36
it's great. Wiener math,
Unknown Speaker 15:38
thank you. First there was mouthwash cup math,
Unknown Speaker 15:45
okay, but the crazy part
Unknown Speaker 15:48
is, you need a fucking
Speaker 2 15:49
bachelor's degree, really? Yes, that is not worth it. Like, does it say, like, Well, do you have to have it in anything specific?
Speaker 1 15:59
Or it says, preferably in public relations, journalism, communications, advertising or marketing, fucking bachelor's degree, like, Are you high?
Unknown Speaker 16:12
I mean, maybe someone in one of those fields would might
Speaker 2 16:17
want to just have a fun year, but I That's crazy. It's fucking stupid. Out of someone who got their advertising bachelor's degree is gonna be like, Sure, let me just miss out on the money that I could have made, and I'll just just make 35,000
Unknown Speaker 16:35
travel, yeah? Hot Dogger, yeah? And, like,
Speaker 1 16:39
not really be able to have a relationship because you're gone the entire fucking year, like,
Unknown Speaker 16:46
sorry, baby the dog.
Speaker 1 16:52
Yeah, I thought that was really fucking stupid. Yeah, that's a that's crazy. It's like there have been different time periods, you know, where I'm looking for jobs, and there's, like, you know, jobs where you're answering the phone and they want you to have a bachelor's degree. Like, why? What? Like, not that long ago, you know? Yeah, man, that's crazy. Yeah, Walmart's gonna start trying people to have Yeah, we're talking crazy. So that kind of pissed me off about the Wiener mobile thing. I was like, okay, hot dog ends. Not for me. I'm not gonna go get a bachelor's degree to be a hot Dogger. Yeah?
Speaker 2 17:34
I feel like you just need to know how to drive and love Oscar Mayer,
Speaker 1 17:38
yeah, and be social and friendly, and that's all you need. They're fucking stupid, I agree, but apparently less than 1% of applicants are selected. Wow, so a lot of people are about this, I guess, with bachelor's degrees. Okay? I'm surprised by that, but I am very surprised too, because that seems like such a niche job. Yeah, yeah. I mean, 200 events per year you're doing, like, I don't know, not two a day, but like 1.5 or point two five or something, yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2 18:21
Yeah, that's, yeah, it's a that job doesn't feel worth it to me. Well, I don't know. I guess you're just driving the Wiener mobile, so it's not, like, a big deal. But also, like, you miss out on other jobs where you could make better money.
Unknown Speaker 18:38
Like, sorry I missed your graduation, son,
Speaker 1 18:43
I was in Omaha doing a wiener festival and
Unknown Speaker 18:47
life of a hot dog
Speaker 2 18:51
driving off into the sunset with your like, leather Jack jacket. Yeah, it's like the color of a hot dog.
Speaker 1 19:00
I should have done some research to see if I could find someone that's a hot dog or like talking about their experience, but I'll do that in the future, so no one look yet. Oh, I'll get this hot Dogger info. Well, I mean, you can, if you want.
Speaker 2 19:16
I feel like they're like, it's a privilege to drive the Wiener won't be lost, a fucking privilege you should pay us.
Unknown Speaker 19:24
Yeah, nuts.
Speaker 1 19:27
I do. Oh, I do have one other food related thing. I didn't make notes on it, so it's gonna be very vague, but
Unknown Speaker 19:37
apparently, in Lubbock,
Unknown Speaker 19:42
I guess that's where Texas Tech is, the school
Speaker 1 19:47
their football team has a tradition of throwing tortillas.
Unknown Speaker 19:54
And I guess it started because I.
Speaker 1 20:00
Well, actually, I don't know at what point do they throw the tortillas during the football game, but there's a couple reasons why people think they started doing it. And one of them was an announcer, kind of talking shit and being like, well, there's nothing in Lubbock except Texas Tech and a tortilla factory. Oh, okay, so they started throwing them, but I think it was November 14, is their last day, or they're gonna get fined, like, $125,000
Unknown Speaker 20:33
throwing tortillas. Yeah?
Speaker 1 20:36
I mean, it kind of makes sense, because imagine having to clean all that shit up. Like, yeah, I'm surprised that it's gone on for this long,
Speaker 2 20:45
yeah, especially if it like rings and then you have to pick them up. Or, yeah, morning dew.
Unknown Speaker 20:52
Morning Dew. Just imagine, I'd imagine,
Unknown Speaker 20:55
how are people throwing, like tortilla, like a
Unknown Speaker 20:59
Frisbees, or, just like
Speaker 1 21:01
the picture I saw there, like up in the air, but I imagine it's maybe kind of just however, dealers choice, dealers choice. Yeah, I'm gonna see my aunt tomorrow, and she's a big football person, so I'm gonna ask her if she's familiar with this. I never fucking heard of it? Yeah, no, or that either it's kind of cute, but also waste, little bit wasteful, yeah, but fun, you know, I guess fun traditions and stuff, yeah, yeah, football people seem to love weird as fuck traditions. So I also have some other journalism. Oh, I think a while back, I ordered a magazine from my niece's school fundraiser. You know how they do little subscriptions and the school gets money whatever. I think that's how this started. I got like, Better Homes and Gardens or whatever, but then I never renewed it, because it wasn't that good. Well, somehow I've just been getting a variety of magazines since then, and they've
Unknown Speaker 22:16
changed. Oh, so
Unknown Speaker 22:20
I get Architectural Digest.
Speaker 1 22:23
I can't remember the other one that I get. I got, like, some fashion magazine, but it wasn't really a very interesting one. Well, now I've started getting G or
Unknown Speaker 22:35
Yeah, GQ, the men's magazine.
Unknown Speaker 22:40
This is my second edition,
Unknown Speaker 22:41
and I don't know why I'm getting
Speaker 1 22:44
it. Is there anything? Anything been interesting so far? Well, I haven't looked at the first one because I feel like they came like, boom, boom. So I don't know, but I did see that this one is a special report the state of the American male in 2025 oh, God, and it has all these different topics. It's like politics, money, dating, business, friendship, etiquette, mental health. I'm like, Oh, that's weird. They don't have sex on there. Sex is the first one
Speaker 2 23:19
different font. Yeah, it's italicized, yeah, the cover
Speaker 1 23:24
of it's weird. Do you know who Glen Powell is? I looked him up, and then I immediately forgot. I think he's an actor. Let
Unknown Speaker 23:34
me check.
Speaker 2 23:37
Glenn Thomas Powell Jr is an American actor and filmmaker.
Unknown Speaker 23:43
He's anyone but you. Oh, the twister.
Speaker 2 23:48
Remake, twisters 2024. Haven't seen that yet, Running Man. Remake, Top Gun remake. This guy remakes a bunch of shit.
Speaker 1 23:57
Yeah. He's like, Hmm, something semi shitty from the 80s and 90s. I'm gonna do a remake. Oh and Chad powers. Let's let new
Unknown Speaker 24:07
think it's like a football
Unknown Speaker 24:09
comedy movie or something.
Unknown Speaker 24:10
I haven't seen it. Football comedy. Yeah.
Speaker 1 24:14
So I was looking at him, and I was like, He's jacked in, like, an unattractive way. But then I realized he's like, wearing muscly pants, but then, like, underwear over them. So it's like, oh, like a Spanx for
Unknown Speaker 24:31
men
Speaker 1 24:32
I see, but I don't think it's a Spanx. I think that's like fake leg muscles, because there's a picture of him in here where he doesn't look like that. So I feel like this part is fake to see it like, goes down to his leg and it's like, above the underwear. Yeah, he's wearing like, tighty whities over it. He has
Speaker 2 24:51
like two belly buttons. So I think that they were trying to make it obvious, but it's still kind of amazing.
Unknown Speaker 24:59
Yeah. When his leg down here looks weird. It has like
Unknown Speaker 25:08
a ribcage. It
Unknown Speaker 25:16
does, oh my gosh, my mouth feels awful.
Unknown Speaker 25:22
Soda? Do you need some water? I'll be
Unknown Speaker 25:24
okay, but
Speaker 1 25:25
ooh, like when I open my mouth to laugh, I feel like I just let out like a noxious gas, like in a cartoon where it's like green fume coming out of somebody. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 25:37
when SpongeBob was like, I'm ugly, that's
Unknown Speaker 25:41
what just happened to me.
Unknown Speaker 25:45
Don't knock yourself out over
Speaker 2 25:53
there. There's a lot of pictures of him in these weird muscle pants, but see, this is his normal legs. Oh, they're very, like, thin, yeah. I mean, they're proportionate, yeah? That's much better. Because whenever you first, I first saw the cover, I was like, because it's like, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 26:12
yeah. So
Speaker 1 26:14
I kind of flipped through this, and I'm gonna, well, I'll let you be the judge, but I feel
Speaker 2 26:24
got a little little bit of the ranch stuff back in my mouth.
Speaker 1 26:29
I thought you were like, honored that you got to be the judge of the magazine. But I am also honored. Sorry, green fumes are getting you. They have an article called body by podcast, and I think it's basically about, like, fitness influencers and stuff. Um, well, I'll just read the description. It says, what their focus on?
Unknown Speaker 27:00
Excuse. Oh, the ranch, sorry,
Unknown Speaker 27:02
God,
Unknown Speaker 27:05
maybe we should save up for the end.
Speaker 1 27:11
With their focus on personal optimization, podcasters and streamers have ushered in a new male beauty standard that is tanned, jacked and ridiculously square jawed. What comes after supplements, testosterone therapy and mouth exercise, we visited the Beverly Hills office of the manosphere's favorite plastic surgeon to find out. This is by Joshua hunt. So I'm like, okay, they're talking about how it's bad for men to have unrealistic beauty standards? Yeah, okay, yeah, literally, a little bit, yeah, I need to read it. It's surprisingly long, so I didn't have time to do that. But they do have this picture making fun of Joe Rogan, which I appreciate.
Speaker 2 27:58
Maybe GQ is pretty good. Yeah. I think I also got information from the, um, Oh, who's that one televangelist that really sucks. I mean, they also
Unknown Speaker 28:12
the one I made the songs about,
Speaker 1 28:13
oh, Kenneth Copeland, yeah, GQ did the art and article. Oh, yeah, that I got
Unknown Speaker 28:21
a lot of information from so
Speaker 1 28:22
nice. Well, I'm glad I have this mysterious subscription then. And
Speaker 2 28:26
I gotta say the font is, like, so fucking tiny.
Speaker 1 28:30
Yeah, like, I haven't seen a magazine article like this in a while. No, it's pretty crazy
Unknown Speaker 28:36
how tiny the font is.
Unknown Speaker 28:39
But there's a quote on here
Unknown Speaker 28:43
and bigger font that says,
Speaker 1 28:45
My kid this morning. He says, Dad, I need bugle fat removal. What so I think buccal fat. Bugle buglers, bugle Bueller. Bueller. Mueller, I think it's like the fat like, right here or something. Oh, okay. I feel like, when, yeah, it makes you face fatty stuff, yeah. Like, I feel like, when people get it removed, they look like weird cats, like, they kind of have like that, like, more angular thing. Kind of cat like that one actor that looks like those cats. Oh, gosh. So yeah, I think GQ is
Unknown Speaker 29:33
doesn't want unrealistic beauty standards, which,
Unknown Speaker 29:37
okay, kudos, yeah,
Speaker 1 29:39
on board for that. Yeah. I thought that this magazine was going to be the literal opposite of that.
Speaker 2 29:45
Yeah, me too. I thought I'd just be like, Man stuff, liver King, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 29:50
But they're, I assume, anti liver King, yeah.
Speaker 1 29:55
I found this article that I thought was pretty interesting. I. It's from the desk of the gentleman's quarterly, the modern gentleman's guide to manners and etiquette. And I was like, Okay. GQ, yes, that's fucking cool, yeah. So I highlighted some of them that I thought we could discuss. Some of them I think are great tips. Some of them are a little strange,
Unknown Speaker 30:25
like this first one,
Speaker 1 30:29
so well they have it broken down by categories. So this category is basically interacting with other people.
Unknown Speaker 30:37
This is the first fucking tip
Speaker 1 30:40
greet people you know, with a single kiss on the left cheek,
Unknown Speaker 30:46
no, his face, nope, at least
Unknown Speaker 30:49
not in this country. I'm not used to that.
Unknown Speaker 30:52
This is America. No, you loudest?
Unknown Speaker 30:55
Are you? What are you loudest?
Speaker 1 30:59
Oh, man. I watched borad again recently, and I just love in that movie when he just like, is always trying to kiss men's cheeks.
Speaker 2 31:12
God, love to see my dad's reaction to
Unknown Speaker 31:17
Whoa. What the fuck man.
Unknown Speaker 31:21
That would be awesome.
Speaker 1 31:24
It says, unless you're in a business setting or meeting someone for the first time, in which, of course, you should stick with a handshake. If you sense someone going in for a hug, then go ahead and embrace it and boom.
Speaker 2 31:39
I like, how they had to, like, specify, like, unless it's professional setting. Don't care.
Speaker 1 31:45
Some of these are, like, so fucking obvious, but it's funny that they're in here, which we'll get to. Some of those. If you're in a situation where you wouldn't smoke or vape, don't pop us in either.
Unknown Speaker 32:03
And go to the bathroom to remove your zen.
Unknown Speaker 32:06
Oh, okay, okay,
Speaker 1 32:12
okay, this one I love, and every fucking man in the world needs this
Unknown Speaker 32:19
is a memo
Speaker 1 32:20
stuck to their wall, because I feel like once men at a certain age, they start doing this. It says always sneeze is, if you're at a library or
Unknown Speaker 32:30
funeral, Ah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1 32:33
fucking old men sneezing. Nothing pisses me off more. Shut the fuck up. Why do you have to do that manliness? Yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like both my grandpa's did it. I feel like my dad is kind of there. George is not going to be allowed to do
Unknown Speaker 33:02
like he's going, he's
Unknown Speaker 33:06
gonna go outside. If you're gonna do that,
Speaker 2 33:13
get the fuck out of here. Brandon's a multi sneezer, so he can't sneeze just once, usually, like, three or more, yeah, yeah. So like, every time, yeah. I think there was only like, one time I heard him sneeze once, and I was like, Are you away? That was just once, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 33:36
This one, I
Speaker 1 33:41
don't know if it has a double meaning. I don't think it does. It says feeling stuck. A bottle of good olive oil is the move
Unknown Speaker 33:51
what? So I
Unknown Speaker 33:54
was like, is that a weird
Speaker 1 33:55
sex thing? Yeah, that's but I think maybe it means, like, literally stuck, like, if a ring is stuck on you or something, oh, okay, sure, I feel like that one is, is worded, very weird, yeah, if you get, like, your dick stuck
Unknown Speaker 34:15
in a wiener mobile whistle and
Speaker 2 34:21
a ranch dressing fucking soda bottle.
Speaker 1 34:27
I mean, the color of that soda is already a little off putting, so
Speaker 2 34:32
I was gonna say that earlier. I was like, it's kind of like a jizz colory, yeah. Yeah. And I feel like, when it was cold, it was really I can just, like, I can taste it again, like I just exhaled heavily
Unknown Speaker 34:49
and taste it.
Speaker 1 34:52
If we're in a cartoon right now, every time one of us opened our mouth big, like, the green stuff would go over and, like, slap the hook. To flip us off. Let's see. And there's a couple common sense ones that I'm like, thank you. GQ, people do need to know these like, don't, under any circumstances, listen to anything in public without headphones. Yes, that should be, like, instant death. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 35:34
I, I make an exception for if you have it, like, super duper low and you have it in your ear. I've only done that a few times, and I always make sure, like, when I pull it away, I can't hear it. I'm like, okay, yeah, shove it fucking in my ear. That's fine, yeah. Oh, sorry. That reminds me. I think I maybe I talked about this on the podcast before, but, um, that time I went to the fucking place to change my last name.
Speaker 1 36:00
Oh, yeah. And it was like, a kid listening to a Beatles song,
Speaker 2 36:04
fucking repeat. And I was just like, Jesus Christ. It was like, fourth time, okay, it's a kid fifth time. Just like, fuck dude. And I just just kept going. I was like, why would their parent must have headphones in? I don't know that that shit pisses me off. Yeah? Like the kid doesn't know better, but you're an adult, you're responsible for them not being, yeah, a dickhead. Teach them how not to be, yeah, you're fucking failing. Sign them up for GQ. I mean, maybe they'll learn.
Speaker 1 36:39
GQ has some tips. A lot of these are surprisingly, very nice too. Like, there's, there's several of them that are like, treat your friends and family to dinner whenever you can, like, if your friend has a baby or is in the hospital, make sure you send a meal to their house and stuff like that. I'm like, That's very nice. The stuff that girls are usually in charge of exactly kind of, yeah, let's get them in, in on this. Because I feel like women just always do that. But I don't feel like guys, well, I'm making huge generalizations, but generally speaking, I feel like that's kind of like the woman's job,
Unknown Speaker 37:24
yeah, they'll take weight of it, and the guy's like, Whoa.
Speaker 1 37:27
That's always like, you a dinner? What? Yeah. So I was pleasantly surprised by that
Unknown Speaker 37:36
there's a dating section.
Speaker 1 37:40
I thought this one was nice. It's uncouth to show your friends someone else's dating profile.
Unknown Speaker 37:46
Say uncouth, yeah,
Speaker 1 37:53
that does seem like a fedora wearer's word, Princess I'm sorry I was being uncool.
Speaker 2 38:04
That was not the That was not me, that was my persona.
Speaker 1 38:14
But I thought that one was nice. It was like, these, you know, profiles are only meant for the people on the dating app, so don't show other people.
Unknown Speaker 38:22
Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 1 38:25
Always offer to pay for the first date. Cool.
Unknown Speaker 38:30
The words body count should never leave your mouth.
Speaker 2 38:34
Cool, Hey, man, people would not shut the fuck up about body count for a while.
Unknown Speaker 38:39
Yeah, so fucking stupid.
Speaker 1 38:43
There's couple obvious ones. Clean your sheets every week. Little bit concerning that we need to remind people to clean their sheets, but don't whatever.
Unknown Speaker 38:55
Don't let it get too crusty. You know,
Unknown Speaker 38:58
crusty and musty.
Speaker 1 39:02
Don't be weird about condoms, buy them, have them on hand, wear them and don't make a big deal out of it. Don't ask if you can take them off, and absolutely don't ever take them off without asking your partner first. Like that is a great reminder. GQ, you shouldn't have to be reminded again, but I appreciate that they're putting it in print for
Unknown Speaker 39:23
maybe people that are
Unknown Speaker 39:26
I don't know they should
Speaker 2 39:27
like print that on condom boxes, like how cigarettes at the general morning they fucking
Speaker 3 39:32
should you like this one? The age gap rule
Speaker 1 39:38
for adults used to be that men shouldn't date below half your age plus seven.
Unknown Speaker 39:47
We like half your age plus 10.
Speaker 1 39:51
We call this the gentleman, gentleman's age
Speaker 2 39:55
gap. Like, that's nice. Okay, yeah, so.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
Hmm, if you're 30,
Speaker 1 40:03
the lowest you could date would be 25 okay, yeah, so five, six years. Yeah, I like that. Right after I said that, it was like Brandon's age difference. I like six years. I had to throw in a little extra year there.
Speaker 2 40:26
Like, damn it, but it's, I don't think that's about age,
Speaker 1 40:30
yeah, not at all. And I mean, like, Y'all were both young when you started dating, yeah, yeah. It's not like he was 50 or something. He
Speaker 2 40:39
said Young, like, when you guys were dating, like, I was like six, and he was, I
Unknown Speaker 40:46
was gonna say he was like 17, but he would have been like 12,
Speaker 1 40:53
yeah. Like, well, I sound like a dick, but I like that. They put that in there, because I feel like it's like, Hey, you're a fucking 50 year old man, you don't need to be with somebody that's 20 years old. Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, the gentleman's age gap.
Unknown Speaker 41:12
Let's see. I don't have too many more.
Unknown Speaker 41:17
Oh, this one. This is, you
Speaker 1 41:20
know, this is one of my pet peeves. Sorry, but there's no reason to ever have your phone out at the movie theater. Ah, we thought we all agreed on this 20 years
Speaker 2 41:32
ago, yeah, yeah, um, yeah. No, just don't do it. Don't do it. Don't fucking do it. Yeah,
Speaker 1 41:43
can control your thumbs. There's little to be gained and much to be lost from arguing online or double tapping someone's Instagram thirst traps.
Speaker 1 42:02
Yeah, take a note. Pope, that one so, oh, my god, wasn't it like a Catholic school girl or something
Unknown Speaker 42:12
that is so cringy, it's horrible.
Speaker 1 42:19
Then they have a whole section on parties, and it's like, talking about how you can, like, set a table scape and, like, throw a party. I'm like, That was very nice, but one of the things that they put was kind of weird. It says, never charge your friends for a dinner party. Like, who's doing that?
Unknown Speaker 42:38
Yeah, don't forget your $10 at the door.
Unknown Speaker 42:44
That's really uncooked, guys,
Unknown Speaker 42:47
it's very uncouth
Unknown Speaker 42:49
to not pay for this fine asparagus.
Unknown Speaker 42:53
Did you think you'll get these sticks for four weeks?
Speaker 1 42:57
This one I highlighted because I was like, oh, everyone should do this. It would make conversations a lot better. If you're part of a group conversation and somebody joins you grace. Graciously introduce them and say we were just chatting about this. This allows them to be able to join in on whatever's taking place. Ah, I couldn't really use that. I know I was like, she's gonna appreciate this, because I know I do.
Unknown Speaker 43:32
Yeah, that's basically it.
Unknown Speaker 43:36
There's one that just says don't be boring.
Unknown Speaker 43:41
Good general life role. I guess
Speaker 1 43:44
I feel like in every edition of this, they should just put, if she has headphones in, leave her alone. Yeah, exactly. Talk to her if she's working, leave her the fuck alone. Yeah, she doesn't want to be asked out on a date,
Unknown Speaker 44:01
then there's an at home section
Speaker 1 44:07
that has some extremely obvious ones, but I'm glad that they put them, because maybe it'll make shitty dudes think about stuff like this. It's like, pick up your socks off the floor. Be proactive about household chores, take out the trash or refill, refill the soap before you've been asked.
Unknown Speaker 44:29
It literally says that,
Unknown Speaker 44:34
Oh, my God, that's so funny.
Speaker 1 44:36
It's so like, I'm conflicted because I'm like, Cool. Maybe this is a good reminder. But at the same time, I'm like, these are grown men. I wonder
Speaker 2 44:45
what it's like just to, like, live with the assumption that, like, all of that stuff
Unknown Speaker 44:51
I can't imagine.
Unknown Speaker 44:54
Well, I will say
Unknown Speaker 44:56
one of the things, because,
Speaker 2 44:58
like, you know, I. Guess whenever you're married, you kind of just like, split stuff up and it's just kind of unsaid. Oh, the brain usually just keeps up on the toilets really. Well, I don't think I'd like, really clean a toilet. Oh shit. A couple times a year,
Unknown Speaker 45:12
I'm just like, oh, cool,
Speaker 1 45:16
awesome. Hell yeah, yeah. He doesn't need those.
Unknown Speaker 45:20
Apparently, he does not,
Unknown Speaker 45:25
yeah, these are just,
Speaker 1 45:26
some of them are like, don't get into bed with dirty feet.
Speaker 2 45:32
I Yeah, sometimes I will just go shower off my feet.
Unknown Speaker 45:35
Yeah. Sometimes you get Walmart baby feet,
Unknown Speaker 45:39
you know, like,
Unknown Speaker 45:41
even if he takes, sorry, I'm supposed to be like the movie, like the
Unknown Speaker 45:47
Walmart baby movie, I think it's just like,
Speaker 1 45:53
you know, you see, like, trashy babies run around Walmart. So that shapes. I think we talked about it and you said, y'all called it grocery store feet,
Unknown Speaker 46:00
yeah, okay, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 46:09
We also call it housewife feet. Oh
Speaker 1 46:13
yeah, it happens, but I'm glad GQ is trying to remind men, hey, don't,
Speaker 2 46:21
don't bring your Walmart baby feeder, not your house husband feet.
Speaker 1 46:28
Oh, there was a little statistic in here that said that 58% of men said that they would be happy being a stay at home parent. Oh, okay, and that was up from the previous year. Okay, cool, cool. So overall, what are your thoughts on GQ? Um, you know, I
Unknown Speaker 46:48
thumbs up.
Speaker 2 46:51
I don't think, I mean, I'm not. I haven't, obviously, read a shit ton of GQ, but I feel like I come across some other, some just shit randomly, yeah, just like the Kenneth Copeland thing. And it was really good. I was like, wow, GQ has some pretty, pretty good journalism sometimes. Yeah, yeah. So I yeah, like, I said I was expecting to pick this up and it just be, like, liver King style, bullshit, yeah, I was pleasantly surprised how to make your
Unknown Speaker 47:19
sperm swim faster.
Speaker 2 47:23
How to make your biceps grow overnight, just like guys thinking girl magazines are just like, like, I don't know, as I'll say, just like, about, like, makeup and stuff like that. But there's like, some about makeup and stuff, but, yeah, it's not like, you know, teen Cosmo, yeah? Like, that's what most guys say magazines are, yeah?
Speaker 1 47:48
So, yeah, that was my GQ stuff. I'll keep a look at if there's anything interesting in the coming editions.
Speaker 2 47:57
Yeah, maybe you should re up your your subscription to that.
Speaker 1 48:01
Well, I was gonna say, who knows what I'll get next? I could get some other fucking weird topic of magazines. Hell yeah. Hopefully you do, yeah. I really want to know how I've got all these magazines, because I don't know.
Speaker 2 48:16
It is kind of like a cool sampling, like, a little like, yeah. Like those monthly, like subscription boxes where you just get random shit. Yeah,
Speaker 1 48:23
that's kind of cool. Yeah, they seem to last for about six months. So okay, my second cheek, yeah, I even asked my mother in law, because I thought, like, well, maybe she bought some stuff from my niece and just sent it to me, but she didn't so, oh, no idea. Weird. It'd be funny if someone was like,
Speaker 2 48:45
Yeah, I remember that Alyssa girl. I'm gonna sign her up for magazine subscriptions and you're like, I actually love this fish.
Speaker 1 48:51
Yeah, great. I was gonna say, if you're feeling generous and you want to send me a magazine, I'll send my address. Don't kill me. I mean, I don't know, depending on the day, maybe you can, but yeah, what's going on at that time? But yeah, well, thanks for joining us, Jamie. Thank you very much for trying the soda. Sorry. It ruined our nights in a
Unknown Speaker 49:18
way. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 49:19
I need to wait to brush my teeth.
Speaker 1 49:22
I can't wait. Do you have any gum I can chew for their hide home?
Unknown Speaker 49:30
I will have to see okay.
Speaker 1 49:31
Do you think Brandon will want to try some of the ranch soda? Hell no. I feel bad getting rid of it like part of me was like, depending on how it is, maybe I'll try to do something with it, like, oh, maybe some grenadine will fix it or something. But I feel like it's a lost cause. I felt kind of bad purchasing it because I was like, there's like, a 10% Chance it'll be good, but we did give it a special life on the podcast. So we
Speaker 2 50:08
did. And I mean, you can keep the, you know, the bottle, reuse the bottle.
Unknown Speaker 50:14
What was it? Lester, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 50:18
or fixins. I Yeah,
Speaker 1 50:21
um, I feel like peanut butter and jelly will be good. I'll be able to drink all of that one, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. I feel like
Unknown Speaker 50:27
that's, like, the only one that sounds
Speaker 3 50:29
tempting at all. Um, yeah, uh, probably don't try it. Bad
Speaker 1 50:35
heads, no, the smell is one of the worst things I've smelled. Yeah, food was,
Speaker 2 50:41
it's like apple cider vinegar plus a bunch of nail
Unknown Speaker 50:45
polish remover kind of,
Unknown Speaker 50:50
yeah, very uncouth,
Unknown Speaker 50:51
yeah, very, very, very uncouth.
Speaker 1 50:58
Yeah, whenever I got it, I told my sister, you know, we tried on my podcast, and she was like, oh my god, like the macaroni ice cream. And I totally forgot about that. And then we had pizza ice cream too. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, I remember I forgot it here. And I was like, well,
Unknown Speaker 51:15
that's Jamie's burgers now.
Unknown Speaker 51:20
So what you're gonna do with the soda?
Speaker 2 51:22
I'll take the soda. Well, thank you for providing all this wonderful it was just a very wonderful mash of things today. Thank you.
Speaker 1 51:35
I'm glad it turned out okay, because I felt very nervous in the middle. Was like, I'm brooding the episode.
Speaker 2 51:40
No, no, it was fantastic. And we will have to post on the Instagram the picture of when Powell's fucking weird fake muscle legs. Yeah, very
Speaker 1 51:53
strange. Yeah. I'll see if I can find out why they are there.
Speaker 2 51:57
Well, maybe they're just trying to be like, This is what the ideal thing of men is supposed to be, because the things that like male image so they're making a statement. Maybe so, maybe so.
Speaker 1 52:11
Well, if you would like to make a statement about how much you love us, follow us on Instagram, wherever you get your podcast, if you can leave a comment on anything, we would love to hear your comments. Yeah.
Speaker 2 52:28
Or you can write in a story at a nervous laughter podcast@gmail.com, yes.
Speaker 1 52:34
Or, you know, check out our socials. Reach out on there, yeah. Tell us if there's any weird food we should try too. Yeah, oh, party on fatheads. Party on
Speaker 1 53:00
tests, blood and faces on the stairs, blood and pieces on the stairs.
Speaker 2 53:03
How would you clean it? How would you clean it?