Feeling a little blah blah pee pee? Tune into this week's literature themed episode to hear some words made up by Tyra Banks herself and then swim into some romance noveling. (NSFW)
Feeling a little blah blah pee pee? Tune into this week's literature themed episode to hear some words made up by Tyra Banks herself and then swim into some romance noveling. (NSFW)
Write us some of your cringe stories at [nervouslaughterpodcast@gmail.com](mailto:nervouslaughterpodcast@gmail.com)
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Unknown Speaker 0:00
Alyssa, the other day, I was doing something and thinking out loud, and I just, I just said, blah, blah, pee, pee. I was immediately just like, What the fuck I don't need to think out loud like that. And Brandon was like, Yeah,
I'm Jamie
I'm Alyssa.
We're here to blah, blah. PP, yeah, we're your ears. And actually, I think that could be a perfect description of the podcast, yeah. I mean, not in a derogatory way the PP part, but it just, it feels like it fits, yes, and this is nervous laughter podcast. Welcome blah, blah PP and
Unknown Speaker 1:14
some Today's episode is going to be kind of book themed, or it is book themed, not kind of it is.
Unknown Speaker 1:23
Um, so first, we're gonna kick it off with some words made up by our favorite, well, maybe favorite term, yeah. Tyra Banks. Y'all,
Unknown Speaker 1:40
yay. I feel like they're all gonna be fat phobic.
Unknown Speaker 1:45
Only a couple.
Unknown Speaker 1:47
Maybe none of these are. I might be wrong, though, but um, yeah, Tyra's whole thing is that she
Unknown Speaker 1:56
like
Unknown Speaker 1:57
changed modeling to be more accepting of plus size, but it's like,
Unknown Speaker 2:02
yeah, I guess you were kind of considered a plus size model, but, like, you're not really plus size. But in the modeling world anyway, it's just yeah. It's a whole thing. It's all, yeah, PP, blah, blah, PP, in my opinion. I mean, and that's my definition that I made up.
Unknown Speaker 2:21
Um, yeah, so she Tyra loves to make up words. I think smize would be her most well
Unknown Speaker 2:30
known. Oh, you haven't. Oh, I have. Oh, you have.
Unknown Speaker 2:34
But
Unknown Speaker 2:36
for those who don't know, it's a verb that means, smile with your eyes,
Unknown Speaker 2:43
which she made up on cycle 13 of America's next step model, surprisingly, took 13 cycles to get that far.
Unknown Speaker 2:53
She made up so many words, in fact, that on cycle 19, she had a little dictionary corner. And,
Unknown Speaker 3:01
of course, all of these she's acting, you know, super over the top and Tyro esque.
Unknown Speaker 3:11
So, yeah, typical Tyra stuff.
Unknown Speaker 3:14
Yeah, here's some words that she made up,
Unknown Speaker 3:17
H, 2t,
Unknown Speaker 3:19
head to toe, which, yeah, basically means you're looking good. She's like, Bitch, you're fat. H, 2t,
Unknown Speaker 3:29
got to go lose some weight.
Unknown Speaker 3:33
L, s, w,
Unknown Speaker 3:39
and then fierce, you know, amazing, strong, confident, which I don't know if she's like the first one to have used. Oh, interesting. What a pioneer. And I do have a video for that one, so you'll, you'll kind of get to see what these little clips were like.
Unknown Speaker 3:58
Welcome to Top models. Dictionary hour, where I describe and explain the history and the meanings of all the crazy, insane words we fought up over the course of our 19 cycles. Give me an F, I, E, R, C,
Unknown Speaker 4:15
E,
Unknown Speaker 4:17
that is fierce, honey. You've heard us say that from cycle one of America's Next Top Model. It means a girl or a picture is amazing, strong, confident, feel the surge of the fire burning inside my body and coming out to you. Fierceness is an energy. It is an emotion. It is a way of life. I lead a fierce life. I think I take fierce pictures. Do you? Are you fierce?
Unknown Speaker 4:42
19 cycles, many words made up. I know you have some that you think are fierce, ferocious, misalistic, fantastic, with absolutely no dragatoo that are wonderful, H, 2t, and
Unknown Speaker 4:54
if you do, hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, darling, whatever.
Unknown Speaker 5:00
You choose Google
Unknown Speaker 5:02
Plus hashtag
Unknown Speaker 5:05
until next time. So yeah, Google Plus, Google plus h, 2t I just want to let our listeners know that at one point they did edit in like flames around her
Unknown Speaker 5:19
Hell yeah, but yeah. What would you think about her little corner? Video,
Unknown Speaker 5:24
um,
Unknown Speaker 5:26
I don't know when I got so salty about Tyra, but it did happen.
Unknown Speaker 5:32
Yeah, totally understand. Going to try to not because I don't want to. Yeah, I'm just like, dude, Tyra, we can salt on her. I mean, she's got, I have other
Unknown Speaker 5:44
H, 2t, I mean, just, I mean, I think we already, might have already talked about some of her show, The Tyra show, a little bit, um, but yeah,
Unknown Speaker 5:55
um,
Unknown Speaker 5:57
in the next is dragatude. And I just wrote show the video on this dragitude? Yeah, I can't remember what it it means offhand, but let me pull the video out. But what do you think it means dragitude? So
Unknown Speaker 6:19
I'm gonna guess it's something about, like, I
Unknown Speaker 6:23
don't know what a direct would be,
Unknown Speaker 6:25
but, but my mind was, like, changed it to dress like a dressitude, like you're wearing a dress like, in a
Unknown Speaker 6:33
sassy way. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 6:36
I don't think that's like, what it was. I think it had more of a negative meeting. Like, think it was like, see that one sounds positive to my drab. I might be wrong, though. Like, you look awful. That's a hater one, but, and, but, if I'm not mistaken, it was a different judge that was on
Unknown Speaker 6:54
some of the cycles that made this world and she adapted. It does cycles mean seasons? Yeah, just sorry,
Unknown Speaker 7:04
I'm kind of sucked into the lore a little bit. Yeah, I started talking about the Reddit too, because the Reddit is always just like, just like, vote for like, who you think got like, you know, smite it, or, you know, whatever you got screwed over the most. It's just, everyone just loves the cringe and stuff. But yeah, so here's a video on trackitude. Where are you? Andre Leon tally, you brought a word to us that I absolutely adore, dreckitude. What is drekatude? First of all, it's a word that you do not want to hear, kind of like skank or Skeezer. You don't want to be called that, right? And if you have a photo that sucks and you hear the word direct,
Unknown Speaker 7:45
it's pain, it means whack, disgusting, wrong, dead. There's no smize, there's no booty touch, and there's no H, 2t, do you get it so Direct is your enemy?
Unknown Speaker 7:58
19 cycles, many words made up. I know you have some that you think are fierce, ferocious, misalistic, fantastic, with absolutely no dragatoos at our wonderful HQT. And
Unknown Speaker 8:10
if you do, hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, darling, whatever you choose, Google
Unknown Speaker 8:19
Plus, hashtag am T O
Unknown Speaker 8:21
until next
Unknown Speaker 8:28
time trick a tune. So I wonder how they came up with that. Like, what is a direct
Unknown Speaker 8:36
I have no idea.
Unknown Speaker 8:39
Um,
Unknown Speaker 8:44
hmm, direct, can refer to the villainous chairman. Direct, from Ratchet and Clank video game, I feel like this guy probably didn't know what that was.
Unknown Speaker 8:55
Um,
Unknown Speaker 8:57
yeah, I don't know. I think that like that they were just in a world where they just make up a bunch of words that made up words,
Unknown Speaker 9:04
yeah, one question I do have for you, and I don't know if you know the answer, because there probably is not an answer. But why is she calling it dictionary hour when it's like a two minute video? Oh, I think that this was like, from one episode
Unknown Speaker 9:21
that was like, Yeah, okay, that makes sense, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 9:27
But, um, yeah, there's some there's some cycles that are not on Hulu, so I need to, like, find those and just kind of watch through all of them and stuff. I will say this does make me want to at least watch some compilations of, like, most cringey and like, I've seen a couple pop up on Instagram like they had the girls like, pose in a fucking Greek salad. Oh yeah, yeah, I don't I want to see shit like that. Yeah. They do lots of, uh,
Unknown Speaker 9:59
lots.
Unknown Speaker 10:00
A Yeah, lots of crazy stuff. And there's the famous when you have to be another race, I know that one, yeah, yeah, got some negative attention.
Unknown Speaker 10:12
Um, God, what else did they do that was just crazy. I can't think of any of like the crazy ones right now, but I like they always have,
Unknown Speaker 10:21
well, not always, kind of, I guess, in the later seasons,
Unknown Speaker 10:26
shit, what's the word they use? The cycle, cycle. Yes, thank you. I think it's in the later cycles they have, like, these pendulum things that will, like, swing across the runway and stuff. So it's, like, dangerous. And then another
Unknown Speaker 10:39
time they had them, uh, I think the the runway was like a treadmill that was kind of like going the other way. So they had to try to, kind of like, doubly book it. Yeah, they,
Unknown Speaker 10:52
they just try to make it, like very obstacle Coursey sometimes, um, but yeah, I have started, like a small,
Unknown Speaker 11:00
uh, fringe section of my notes for America's Next Top Model crunch. Yeah, that, yeah. So I'll definitely share that in the future. I am excited.
Unknown Speaker 11:12
Another word which you might probably heard in the last video is booty touching, oh yeah, which is isolating the body and only using the booty for movement. It's like sticking your butt out without poking out your stomach and stuff like that.
Unknown Speaker 11:28
So, yeah, just booby tooting, sticking your butt out as much as it can go without sticking your stomach out. So little booty touch,
Unknown Speaker 11:39
um, and then there is pot le Dom,
Unknown Speaker 11:44
which is,
Unknown Speaker 11:45
of course, you would have some French sounding shit. Well, it's just top model backwards.
Unknown Speaker 11:53
Oh, my God,
Unknown Speaker 11:56
and this was in season, or, I'm sorry, cycle 19, all stars, oh, where they had a they had a song to
Unknown Speaker 12:08
wait. Hold on. They had to make a little song with the
Unknown Speaker 12:12
artists, the game and top. La DOM is in the song as as, like the what's it called?
Unknown Speaker 12:21
Not the bridge, the chorus, of course, and whatever, um, and it's also on, like, Tyra's shirt and the music video and stuff that they make. It's just
Unknown Speaker 12:31
that whole,
Unknown Speaker 12:33
all of those songs are so bad and just, it's all cringey, um,
Unknown Speaker 12:39
but that's all I have for Tyra's little definition corner. I enjoyed it.
Unknown Speaker 12:47
I did not think that it was already forgot,
Unknown Speaker 12:53
blah blah PP, yeah. I didn't think blah blah PP. I thought blah blah PP. Army, not blah blah, yeah, whatever the opposite of blah blah PP is, I thought you did that kind of job on it. So thank you. It's silent, silent Poopoo.
Unknown Speaker 13:11
It was silent, silent poo poo.
Unknown Speaker 13:15
Well, I have a couple little things for us. Yay.
Unknown Speaker 13:21
We're as we started out with Tyra, who's a sexy model, and we're just gonna keep going down that sexy road. Hell yeah. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 13:32
You're ready to join me on this sexy road.
Unknown Speaker 13:37
My cousin and I were, well, that sounds weird, since I'm
Unknown Speaker 13:42
sexy Road, okay, we're gonna backpedal. We're not yet on the sexy road when I'm with my cousin. So
Unknown Speaker 13:51
so we were swimming, and we saw something at the bottom of the pool, and we're like, oh shit, what's that? And so we got it, and it's a page from a historical romance novel. Oh So, historical romance, okay, yeah, it's the book is called The Reluctant Countess. Oh my god, so let me make sure I have the right side. No, not my numbers, yeah. Just
Unknown Speaker 14:25
a dumb joke. Liked it,
Unknown Speaker 14:29
so I read this little paragraph.
Unknown Speaker 14:33
Yasmin was out of sight, and desire waned. He turned back to his work and forgot about her. The night would fall, and with it came fear and shame.
Unknown Speaker 14:45
Giles had decided she was too scandalous, too frivolous, too stupid to marry. She had slept with him before marriage. He had never bothered to buy her an engagement ring. His sister hated her.
Unknown Speaker 15:01
Undeniable facts made Yasmin feel defenseless and vulnerable, desired but not respected.
Unknown Speaker 15:10
Fairness made her admit that there wasn't much about her to respect.
Unknown Speaker 15:17
Likely
Unknown Speaker 15:20
someone's name is Hippolyte,
Unknown Speaker 15:23
h, i, p, p, o, l, y, t, e, so likely Hippolyte told everyone in London how lustful she'd been,
Unknown Speaker 15:34
and that's all I have. It's like an old school ward for a whore, like a harlot. I guess she's a harlot with the the Hippolyte, yeah, because he was going around town telling people that she's, I think Hippolyte is a person, oh yeah, but he's just going around, oh yeah, yeah, trying to think of, like, historical he's like four slutty town crier.
Unknown Speaker 16:02
So yeah, if you want to check that out, it's by Alyssa James. When we got out of the pool, we found another page from it. Oh, which shows some of her other novels.
Unknown Speaker 16:15
The one that sounds most interesting to me is called the ugly Duchess.
Unknown Speaker 16:20
It's just about, literally about someone that
Unknown Speaker 16:24
is maybe too ugly to marry.
Unknown Speaker 16:28
So that one sounds pretty fun. So apparently, she's a USA Today, best selling author.
Unknown Speaker 16:36
And we thought maybe this book came out in the 90s, because I feel like it has kind of, like a 90s feel okay to the font, but yeah, the shit came out in like, 2017 so I don't know they're going for an old school feel. I'm just wondering why someone was reading it at the pool. Like, hopefully I didn't take a dip. They're like, Oh, I'm what. Let me
Unknown Speaker 17:01
just like, spread my vagina juice everywhere. There's probably so much vagina juice in the pool. I mean,
Unknown Speaker 17:11
oh, that does remind me, though, because I was gonna say they were probably watching their shitty kids and reading on the side of the pool
Unknown Speaker 17:19
when I was on Tiktok before it became dirty Trump app. It's a whole other tangent, but
Unknown Speaker 17:28
there's this, there's this chick, and I think her name was, like, Mama cusses or something, and she got a bunch of fucking flack because she basically posted this video, and it was trying to be, like, relatable, but people were like, hey, that's fucking weird. It was like, Yeah, me when I'm, like, watching my kids play, but in my ears, I'm listening to, like, the dirtiest smut ever. And people were like, Girl, you're listening to porn while you're watching kids. Weird.
Unknown Speaker 18:01
Yeah? Yeah. Like, how would you feel if your husband was just watching porn Exactly, yeah, yes. Or, like, that one dude that left his kid in the car and then he went in to watch porn, and they died. The kid died, yeah? Because he just, I guess it just kind of forgot, you know, you get a little, oh my god, little bit of the gang bang going on the computer, and you just forget you have a kid,
Unknown Speaker 18:26
and then they die. And they just die, because that's we live in a fucking blah blah PP type of world like that. It's blah blah PP all over you highly blah blah PP.
Unknown Speaker 18:39
Um, so I'm going to talk a little bit more about smut. That's what the new generation of readers are. You know, it used to be like romance novels or whatever, but smut seems to be definitely kicked up a notch. It's not like, Oh, his warm embrace. It's like he fucking raw dogged me, like it's like disgusting, like,
Unknown Speaker 19:05
I'm personally not a fan. I think it's a little bit weird, like you said, to walk around listening to porn. Yeah, I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 19:17
It's fucking weird to me. Just enjoy it in your home. Or, you know, if you're alone some Well, I don't know. Just don't do I don't know. Watching porn in public is weird. So anywhere you would not feel comfortable watching porn, don't listen to a like, porn audio book or something. You know, yeah, I don't really get it. But like, people are reading more now, it seems like. So that's good, but, um,
Unknown Speaker 19:43
we get the numbers up. Get those numbers up, even if it's even if it's porn, I guess. I don't know, but it is great seeing, um, my good reads, because I follow, like, high school and stuff, and it's just like, oh,
Unknown Speaker 19:58
all the smut these people read.
Unknown Speaker 20:00
I have some titles that you may have seen here in a minute. Yeah, lots of hockey. Yes, yes. I actually want to read that one for the podcast like that. Like, if you don't know about it, fatheads, it's like some book that's basically like fucking, like, 700 pages of like, gang bang between like, two hockey players and a girl. Yeah, I remember what it's called. But if you are into smut and you're still listening, even though we mildly talk shit about you, thank you for staying Yeah, I found something that you might like to have. It's a Tumblr. I found it at the thrift store. It says smut slut,
Unknown Speaker 20:42
and then it has like a picture of lips, and they're like dripping, and there's a cherry in the mouth, of course.
Unknown Speaker 20:51
And then part of it says, spread those pages, baby, hashtag, book whore.
Unknown Speaker 20:59
And then another area says you're such a good fucking girl. I don't like that,
Unknown Speaker 21:06
yeah, so I feel like someone got that as a gift, and they were like, that's gonna be enough for me, because it looks pretty new. Like, off to the thrift store, you go,
Unknown Speaker 21:19
yeah, I just that you're such a good girl. One just so
Unknown Speaker 21:23
do we not like Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 21:29
and I've just critiqued smut, but I will say I recently read
Unknown Speaker 21:40
so funny. I recently read two smutty short stories specifically to talk about on the podcast, because I thought they would be funny. Is it fan fiction?
Unknown Speaker 21:51
It's not. But those are awesome too.
Unknown Speaker 21:57
So are you familiar with the author, Quan mills? No, oh, shit, really.
Unknown Speaker 22:04
Okay, well, maybe
Unknown Speaker 22:07
it's a guy that has been writing different
Unknown Speaker 22:12
I don't know if I would call them
Unknown Speaker 22:15
smut per se, like they have sex in them, but like they also
Unknown Speaker 22:22
have a storyline. It's kind of like,
Unknown Speaker 22:27
well, like porn
Unknown Speaker 22:33
storyline, they have sex. So here's some titles by Quan mills to just to give you an idea.
Unknown Speaker 22:43
This is one that I have on hold at the library, so hopefully I'll get it soon and I can report back the old thought next door. Oh, and the cover of it is like a sexy grandma.
Unknown Speaker 22:56
I also found there's an old thought next door too. Oh, okay, yeah, we all have to report back with that. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 23:04
we also have CNA ho dreams, so certified nurse's assistant. Oh, my God, we have crack ho dreams. Oh, and there's like, multiple of those.
Unknown Speaker 23:18
There's another one called gutta chicks do gutta things. Who doesn't get a chick like gutter,
Unknown Speaker 23:26
like a white, like, white trash kind of, or, yeah, like a like, a gutter, like, yeah, like, just an undesirable, undesirable broad.
Unknown Speaker 23:38
This one sounds really good. I want to read it. It's called pregnant by my gay step Daddy. Oh, my god
Unknown Speaker 23:47
no. And yes, no, exactly. And that's fucking Kwan mills.
Unknown Speaker 23:54
And then, last but not least, I need some head, but I'm on my period. A novella.
Unknown Speaker 24:02
Novella.
Unknown Speaker 24:04
Yeah, so I actually read a novella. So I don't know why this word in the title was edited, but it was. It's called pastors eat pussy too. I don't know why they put the W in. Everybody knows what's happening. And it's a ratchet Christian novella.
Unknown Speaker 24:32
I love ratchet Christianity, yes. And one of my library book apps recommended this to me, and I was like, Yes, I'm gonna listen to this nice it was like a couple hours. It was pretty short.
Unknown Speaker 24:48
So little synopsis, Nunu is a stripper who gets busted for soliciting.
Unknown Speaker 24:55
She lives in Chicago. She's kind of rough around the edges. I.
Unknown Speaker 25:00
She has to do community service and ends up at a church, and then she finds out that the married pastor of the church had a fling with her friend. So and the friend took a video of it, which like, very sex crimey, but okay, no news friend, so she decides to blackmail the pastor.
Unknown Speaker 25:23
And for how dirty the title is, there's like one scene, and it's, like, pretty mild, I would say. So I'm like, I just wanted to hear the rest of it, because his stories are fucking nuts.
Unknown Speaker 25:38
So she's trying to extort the pastor. They end up meeting up, and he's going to give her the money. And then it turns out that the pastor is working undercover for the cops. Gasp, gasp, and so she goes to prison because she was trying to, you know, extort him. And then in prison, she finds out that she's pregnant,
Unknown Speaker 26:03
and then her mom comes to visit, and Nunu is describing this guy to her, and let's just say her mom knows the pastor, because it's nu news fucking dad that wasn't in her life.
Unknown Speaker 26:20
Oh, so she's pregnant with her like, yeah, relative,
Unknown Speaker 26:29
yeah,
Unknown Speaker 26:32
so yeah, Quan Mills, that was not what I was expecting. Yeah, yeah, very old boy inspired. Oh my god. I saw that, like, a year or so ago. Our friend Jason recommended it, so, like, they were showing it in the theater. So we all go and we're watching it and, like, it ends, and I'm like, Jason, what the
Unknown Speaker 26:59
it's like? What? At least he didn't say it was his favorite. His favorite movie. That's true. He's like, Oh, my God, old boy is like, it's so relatable. It's like, it's my favorite. It's, it's for when I go down a sexy road with my cousin or my daughter love it, or my undercover father, priest. Dad, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 27:21
I should have got a little excerpt from a book.
Unknown Speaker 27:25
The narration was very good, like Nunu definitely sounded like a hard stripper from Chicago. I'm stripping, yeah, leave me alone. I'm stripping.
Unknown Speaker 27:42
Yeah. I also was recommended this book called cold sweat by Vera Valentine. And My Library app also recommended this to me because apparently it knows that I'm insane.
Unknown Speaker 28:00
You like weird shit? Yeah, so cold sweat is basically about
Unknown Speaker 28:08
a girl that has a fling with the Kool Aid man. Oh, my God, but they can't say kool aid for copyright, so I can't remember what the fake name was, but
Unknown Speaker 28:21
there's fucking incest in that one too. What's her step the Kool Aid, man, is her step brother? Dude, is that just like a thing in his books? Is like, it's a twist that it's a family member. Oh, this is a different author. This is
Unknown Speaker 28:34
totally a coincidence, but the two times I read something to report on the podcast. It involves the family member, though, I will say the Kool Aid man, and the girl, their step brother and sister. So it's still great. But technically, it's, it's not like Nunu and her preacher dad. Like, what are you doing, step juice? It's, oh my god, so bad. Luckily, that one was really short too, but basically, like, their parents went out somewhere, and then I think, like they got too drunk, and so they decided to get a hotel, but her and the Kool Aid man are in the sauna that the dad had got,
Unknown Speaker 29:19
and a tree branch falls in front of the sauna door so that I duck in there,
Unknown Speaker 29:26
and then everything ends up happening. And then, like, at the end, they decide that they're going to live together, because the girl, like, dropped out of college and the Kool Aid man, like, didn't have anything going on, and he was, like, the Kool Aid man told his stepsister, like, yeah. Like, in the past, I told my dad that thought you were cute. I'm like, what is that? Was cool,
Unknown Speaker 29:51
yeah, then you find out, like, the parents are related,
Unknown Speaker 29:56
dude. I'm just wondering, since he was a Kool Aid man, why couldn't he.
Unknown Speaker 30:00
Just break them like, you know, break through the wall and then just flush it out. That's really good idea. Plot hole. That is a gigantic plot. Yeah, you're right about, was there any other like, what kind of stuff did they do to, like, let you know, he's, oh, choice man. Um, oh,
Unknown Speaker 30:19
so,
Unknown Speaker 30:22
apparently he tasted like Kool Aid.
Unknown Speaker 30:26
Oh yeah. I don't want to know that. Sorry. I'm just, I'm just the blah blah PP messenger here. Oh also, at one point when they're doing it, he's like, oh yeah. I was gonna ask if, like, he says that when he comes or something. Oh, yeah. So
Unknown Speaker 30:47
damn I wish that I would have got some clips from these. I read them a while back, and it's like, oh shit. I need to talk about these. But, and, no, it wasn't flavor aid. Oh,
Unknown Speaker 30:59
Jonestown, actually.
Unknown Speaker 31:02
Yeah, I'll have to find the fucking fake Kool Aid name and post it. Yeah, but yeah. So
Unknown Speaker 31:13
I care about the fat heads so much that I endured, that I endured these hopefully the next one will not have any relatives, because it's not what I was intending to do. Yeah, we didn't. I mean, that's a, I don't know. I feel like there's like, a whole theme we could do on that, but I don't really want to make it a whole thing on its own, because it's,
Unknown Speaker 31:40
yeah, I don't know why that's a popular genre, but I guess to each thorough,
Unknown Speaker 31:50
by the way, so
Unknown Speaker 31:53
don't be thinking about don't look at your Sexy Kool Aid brother like that,
Unknown Speaker 32:00
his juicy juiciness.
Unknown Speaker 32:06
And speaking of,
Unknown Speaker 32:09
you know,
Unknown Speaker 32:10
sexy books going down sexy roads,
Unknown Speaker 32:17
um,
Unknown Speaker 32:19
you know, of course, there's 50 Shades of Gray, which I made a little
Unknown Speaker 32:24
generator that would just generate some Yeah, yeah, just a part of a book to read. So sorry. Can I interrupt and tell the listeners Jamie and I have been talking about doing this, and for a while she kept going at Gray's Anatomy,
Unknown Speaker 32:42
like, Oh, shit. Like, there's some weird shit in the anatomy.
Unknown Speaker 32:49
It's been revised
Unknown Speaker 32:52
Grey's.
Unknown Speaker 32:54
So here's some Grey's Anatomy.
Unknown Speaker 32:57
Um, so my generator says Book Two, chapter four, and then I said page 202, which doesn't make sense, because I don't even know if that's in chapter four, so I just kind of like messed this up when I made it, just not thinking correctly. Let me find it
Unknown Speaker 33:20
real quick. I'll skip the chapter.
Unknown Speaker 33:23
Have you read any of these yet? No, I have never read these. I have read all of them. Have you seen the movies too? I saw the first one. They are all very bad, and I feel like I sound like a total hypocrite, because I was talking shit about smut. And I'm like, I read all of them? Yeah, I read them and I saw the first movie.
Unknown Speaker 33:46
It was h 2t shitty. It was drekatude. Just totally Oh yeah. They were Draco dude. I read them on my phone, like before they were in print, me and my co worker, and then we would talk shit about them, because the writing is pretty bad, but if you pass them, thank you. I'm cool after all.
Unknown Speaker 34:08
Well, maybe this will spark some memories. Okay,
Unknown Speaker 34:12
so this is page 202 I guess I'll just read a couple pages. This is on the left side of the book, so I'll just read, oh, I remember this thing on the left side.
Unknown Speaker 34:23
You know what? I'm just gonna say this. I absolutely hate that they have the even numbers on the left side of the page.
Unknown Speaker 34:30
Oh, that's weird, yeah. So one starts on like
Unknown Speaker 34:35
the right side of the book, not the left side. Oh, that just bothers. It's not good. I agree. Trick a tune. There is a sentence set in, so I'm going to flip it to the next page and just start from the there.
Unknown Speaker 34:50
As we dress, I notice that we move with synchronization of two people who knew each other very well, each watchful and acutely aware of.
Unknown Speaker 35:00
Each other, exchanging the occasional Shy Smile and sweet touch, and it dawns
Unknown Speaker 35:05
and it dawns on me that this is just as new for him as it is for me.
Unknown Speaker 35:10
Dry your hair Christian orders once we're dressed,
Unknown Speaker 35:15
domineering as ever, I smirk at him, and he leans down to kiss my hair.
Unknown Speaker 35:22
Oh. Um, that's never going to change. Wait, hold, is this the guy
Unknown Speaker 35:27
that's never going to change, baby, I don't want you sick. I roll my eyes at him, and his mouth twists in amusement. My palms still Twitch, No, Miss steel. I'm glad to hear it. Mr. Gray, I was begging beginning to think you were losing your edge, I could easily demonstrate that is not the case. Should you so wish. Christian drags a large cream cable knit sweater out of his bag and drapes it artfully over his shoulders with his white t shirt and jeans, his artfully rumpled hair and now this, he looks as if he stepped out of the pages of a high end glossy magazine. No one should look this good. And I don't know if it's it's uh, the momentary distraction of his perfect looks or the knowledge that he loves me that
Unknown Speaker 36:14
feels like a lie,
Unknown Speaker 36:18
but his threat no longer fills me with thread. This is my 50 Shades. That's why it's cold.
Unknown Speaker 36:28
Oh my
Unknown Speaker 36:30
gosh, wow. I'd say your generator works well. And then it revealed this brought us right to here.
Unknown Speaker 36:37
This is the way he is as I reach for the hair dryer, I a tangible, tangible ray of hope blossoms. We will find a middle way. We just have to recognize each other's needs and accommodate them. I can do that surely. I gaze at myself in the dresser mirror. I'm wearing the pale blue shirt that Taylor bought and had packed for me. My hair is a mess. My face flushed, my lips swollen. I touched them, remembering Christian searing kiss, and I can't help but help a small smile as I stare. Yes, I do. He said, Wait, what did he say? Yes, I
Unknown Speaker 37:16
there's probably okay.
Unknown Speaker 37:21
Um, where are you going? Exactly, I ask as we wait in the lobby of the for the parking lot valet,
Unknown Speaker 37:29
Christian taps the left side of his nose and winks at me spiritually, looking like he's desperately trying to think Lee,
Unknown Speaker 37:37
he's gonna do cocaine. Frankly, that's very un 50.
Unknown Speaker 37:43
It's like, what does 50 Shades stand for? That's like a literally, don't remember. I can tell you all I remember after you're done. It's probably just like, everyone has a dark side, different shades, varieties of darkness. And that's probably like a rule set that's like, you can't do drugs. They do have a contract, yeah. He's like, You can't look at other men. Oh, my God,
Unknown Speaker 38:13
um,
Unknown Speaker 38:15
he was like this when, uh, when we went gliding, gliding, like, hang gliding, like a little like sail thingies in the air. I don't know. Feel like it's just like sex with baby oil.
Unknown Speaker 38:31
That's just like from the book. I just assume
Unknown Speaker 38:34
perhaps that's what we're doing. I beam back at him. He stares down his nose at me
Unknown Speaker 38:40
in a superior way he has with his lopsided grin, leaning down, he kisses me gently. Do you have any idea how happy you make me feel? He murmurs, yes, I know exactly, because you do the same for me. The
Unknown Speaker 38:57
valet zooms up in Christian's car wearing an enormous grin. Jeez. Everyone is so happy today. Great car, sir. He mumbles and hands up. No one. Christian winks and gives him an obscenely large tip. I frown at him, honestly. Why? Why? Why tip people? Bitch, yeah, it should be like you tip. Well, a blank,
Unknown Speaker 39:22
uh, as we cruise through the traffic. Christian is deep in thought. A young woman's voice comes over the loudspeakers. It has a beautiful, rich, mellow timber, and I lose myself in her soul for voice,
Unknown Speaker 39:35
gay, there's children around.
Unknown Speaker 39:38
I need to make a detour. It shouldn't take long, he says, absent mindedly, distracting me from the song. Oh, why? I'm intrigued to know the surprise. My inner goddess is bouncing about like a five year old. Sure I murmur, something is amiss. Suddenly, he looks grimly determined. He pulls into the parking lot of a large dealership. Stops the.
Unknown Speaker 40:00
Car turns to face me, his expression wary, we need to get you a new car. He says, I gape at him. Now, on a Sunday, what the hell and Lord's day, Christian, what? Why would that like? It's but on Sunday, you only buy cars on Tuesday,
Unknown Speaker 40:20
um,
Unknown Speaker 40:22
what the hell? And this is a sab dealership,
Unknown Speaker 40:26
not an Oddie. Is, stupidly, the only thing I can think of to say. And bless him, he actually flushes, Christian, embarrassed. This is a first. I thought, Uh, I thought you might like something else. He mutters. He's almost squirming. Oh, please. This is too valuable an opportunity to tease him. I smirk. A sob. Yeah, nine, three come.
Unknown Speaker 40:50
What is it with you and foreign cars? Okay, that's like, that's the end of the page. It looks like they'd probably just
Unknown Speaker 40:58
talk about your cars for a while, too. Christian, that's so cool.
Unknown Speaker 41:05
Yeah, so, yeah, they just, they're just talking about getting a car. It looks like
Unknown Speaker 41:11
you have a black car.
Unknown Speaker 41:18
Yeah, no, this isn't very interesting.
Unknown Speaker 41:23
Sorry, I'm just flipping ahead, just to kind of see if there's no like, that might be good. Okay, nope.
Unknown Speaker 41:29
So, yeah, that's a little snippet of awesome 50 shades, not Grey's Anatomy.
Unknown Speaker 41:36
Yeah, one of the few things that I remember about the book was, at one point, like, she gets sick, and he's taking care of her, and he, I guess, she's like, so fucking sick that he has to, like, take her tampons out and put new ones in. Like, what?
Unknown Speaker 41:57
That's pretty much all that stuck with me from the probably 1000 pages that I read.
Unknown Speaker 42:04
Man, that's a, I don't know. I've never been too sick to be able to do that. So I just picture her, like, laying down and like, frail and just like, it's like, all right, change your tampon at that point. Just free bleed. Like, yeah, put down a fucking puppy pad at that point, yeah, it just, it kind of makes me think of Twilight too well. I mean, I guess this is based off Twilight. It is so Twilight fanfic, yes, I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I think it was like 911 happened, and then that inspired my chemical romance to start making music. And then was it? It was twilight first, right? Yeah, Twilight first, yeah. Stephanie Myers was inspired by my chemical romance. And then this
Unknown Speaker 42:57
is 50 Shades of Gray, yes, yeah. I think I've heard that 911 to 50 Shades of Christ. And there's something afterwards that involves Ellen, but I can't remember. It actually keeps going. It probably ties P Diddy, and then too, somewhere,
Unknown Speaker 43:12
ah,
Unknown Speaker 43:14
911
Unknown Speaker 43:15
kind of spawned a lot of things. It did a lot of sexy things, apparently. And
Unknown Speaker 43:23
it is 911 coming up very soon, I think,
Unknown Speaker 43:27
Oh yeah, it's tomorrow. I mean, not at the time that this is released, but you know, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 43:32
well, thanks for going down that sexy road with me. Yeah, and not your cousin.
Unknown Speaker 43:42
No, despite what I read, I do not participate in those activities. Yeah, that's pretty jacket, dude. It is very dragitude is not h, 2t,
Unknown Speaker 43:56
hot. So don't forget to booty touch when you're taking pictures. That's definitely an Instagram girl thing. Booty teaching, yeah, I guess, yeah. Instagram girls definitely do it. I guess, I think more of like MySpace days when people, like really, were pushing their their butts out and their lips out, duck lips, yeah. Oh, God, so glad that that went away.
Unknown Speaker 44:21
I was right in the middle of it.
Unknown Speaker 44:24
I mean, I pretty I'm pretty sure I have some duck lip pictures somewhere stashed away on my space, if you even can get to that anymore.
Unknown Speaker 44:36
Well, um, until we meet on another sexy road, I guess. Yeah, all sexy roads come to nervous laughter podcast. That's very true, yes. So don't forget to like and subscribe. I don't think that those are the right words for the podcast, because I'm thinking of YouTube, but Same, same.
Unknown Speaker 45:00
It, yeah, like, comment, subscribe, oh yeah, oh yeah. And, um, you know, don't be looking at your Kool Aid man brother in those ways. Oh no, oh no, yeah, no, that's
Unknown Speaker 45:20
all right. Party on fatheads